hello andrew123,

thankyou for sharing. I battled with social anxiety for 3 years but learned to overcome it.
Those 3 years feel like a dark shadow. I could only remember hiding under my blanket, refusing to exit that front door of my house due to the fear of seeing people, crowds so I developed a hatred for many of the places you mentioned above. I do agree with you that humans are upredictable and hard to understand especially when that person is no one else but you. I did not understand why I feared people so much and felt like fainting away in fear when a person in the mall looked at me. But along this experiences I came to learn a few of things that I feel could help you too:
1. past: I began meditation not long ago and being able to sit down and observe my mind with a third eye i was able to see the little suffering child who was bullied in 9th grade because she looked different to the rest of her friends, hence developing a conditioning of thoughts and reactions whenever anyone looked at me. we need to see into the root cause by looking into ourselves. There is always a reason behind the way we feel, even if it is a feeling of confusion. And when we know this we could find natural ways to heal that inner child.
2. Self-acceptance: When i was able to recognize that the girl from the past is calling for my attention, to be heard I knew that I had to do something to ease her wounds so the present me could enjoy the wonders of being me; the small, skinny quirky woman. To be honest i struggled even to this day to fully accept and embrace my flaws because I cannot help but compare myself to others. By being judgemental of myself, I am more compelled to judge others to make myself feel better. But with the practice of mindful meditation,when you breath in you can return to nurture that flawed inner child and breathing out you smile because you know that no matter what you will still love that child with all his or her imperfections. If you are able to do this you will be able to enjoy being you hence begin to focus in cultivating that self-love and forget about the nuisance in the outer world. Like the quote you may not be able to change people but you can change yourself. i solely believe there is a turning point when you begin to acknowledge your own presence.
Nameste

Hello LotusFlowerInTheMud,

First of all i really like your username as it contains a wonderful link to your question. (figuratively speaking haha) The lotus flower needs the mud in order for it to grow and in order for it to grow it needs elements from the cosmos – sun, rain, air, soil, seed. If we miss any of this elements, the lotus cannot grow properly. This is the same as any relationship we have. In order for us to have a healthy relationship we need remove the notion of him and I because in any relationship there must be the efforts of both parties for relationship to work well, hence the word “we”. And when we do this, it allows us to be more opened to our loved one’s differences in thinking and understanding of things we can come accept them and come to respect them. At the same time his suffering is our suffering and his happiness is our happiness, so we if we really care for someone we will try to put ourselves aside and attend to their suffering through deep listening to their suffering. Without the removal of self-centered attitude, deep looking and listening, we cannot build a healthy relationship. It is difficult for an unhealthy relationship to transform into a healthy relationship especially when scars of emotional and physical wounds form prolonged suffering. Because of this, it is emphasized that two people must be willing to put themselves aside in order to grow together. If you have time, you can look into How to Love BY Thich Nhat Hanh. He talks about the principles that form a strong foundation to a long-lasting healthy relationship.