So we went away last weekend and it was so amazing.  It just keeps getting better and better.  I finally got the L word too! I was pulling back on how much I say it because it was a bit uncomfortable with him not saying it back.  But when we were away I told him how much I loved him, and he said it back, and then said ‘I’ve loved you for a while but i’ve been scared to say it’.

I’m so happy, and he has said it on his own a few times since.  I really do love him and I haven’t really felt this way about a partner before and it’s so amazing.

However….I am still dealing with a bit of anxiety. I told my friends that he said he loves me, and their responses werent exactly what I was looking for.  They think it’s really soon to be saying that, feeling that etc.  I’m trying not to listen to them because in the past I have taken their opinions so seriously, when I’m the one in the relationship not them.  It feels right so I’m going with it.

That being said, part of me can’t just ‘be happy’, and trust things to continue to go so well.  It’s almost like i’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.  He keeps reassuring me he’s not going anywhere, etc.  I just love him so much I’m afraid for things to fall apart or to lose him.

I’m starting to understand where all of this comes from (my dad left us when I was about 11), so I do have some abandonment issues.  I feel like I’m doing better understanding that, but wish it would just go away sometimes!

Thank you both for taking the time for your responses!  I was bullied a bit when I was in school, that my nose was too big, and my dad left us when I was about 11 or 12, and even to this day he will poke fun at my nose, so I suppose that’s why I have such a complex about it.  I do compare myself a lot to other girls, and maybe getting off social media is the right thing to do for a while.

Peacehawk- Thank you for that story! I agree with the confidence thing.  There are very attractive guys I have met, but their personality etc, has turned me off, and there are guys that I have met that aren’t that attractive but their personality and confidence makes up for it.

I know beauty comes in all forms, so trying to accept me the way I am, and believe my boyfriend when he says I’m beautiful.