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Lilibeth

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  • March 5, 2023 at 12:41 am #416014
    Lilibeth
    Participant

    Hi Dave,

     

    I’ve been reading through the thread a little and this is what I see:

    you guys have grown apart emotionally because there was just not enough energy left for the want-to’s after taking care of all the have-to’s for years.
    If you really want to reconnect emotionally and physically, make a plan together to get there.

    1. Describe what you both want to achieve in a realistic way (being intimate, how does that look like for you). Describe it in details, even if it feels awkward.
    2. When you’ve got your goal clear, start making plans on how to get there from scratch. Start with defining a moment where you are both available on a weekly basis, or more often. Like every Tuesday at 9PM and every Friday at 9:30 PM for example.

    3. Then describe what you will do in those moments. She massages your nek for 10 minutes, you massage her feet for 10 minutes. While doing so you ask what she likes or dislikes and she does the same while massaging you. Afterwards you cuddle and discuss what you are feeling honestly. Were you scared to be rejected, or just started feeling that emotional connection already? Were you distracted with thoughts about the have-to’s? Write these questions down so you have them ready when the moment comes.

    4. Add steps to get closer to the intimacy you both want (your defined goal) .

    5. Commit to these times and block them in your agenda. And call it exercises at first. Before you move on to the next step in the plan, first check in with eachother, are you both ready to proceed?

    6. Have fun together doing the intimacy-exercises and hug at least 8 times a day for at least 30 seconds. It will increase your happiness-hormones.

    Things are not lost, you both need to recommit to being emotionally intimate.

    March 4, 2023 at 6:09 pm #416010
    Lilibeth
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>This text may sound hard, as I got swept away in empathy for your sister. I’m sorry if my words are hurtful that’s not my intention. I want to show you another perspective on the narrative so you can be able to fix the relationship with your sister. I really think you are not taking enough responsibility in this topic.
    As a middle sister myself, I would feel deeply hurt and rejected, betrayed in that situation. If my sister would talk about probably not being able to go on two trips in the same year, I would not make sistertrip-plans until she said okay, she has a budget available. I wouldn’t want to push my sister into debt for a trip with me. And then she books a second trip without me and without even asking me? Ugh!

    How to proceed? You made a sister-trip in 2023 impossible by booking the last min. Period. Fix that.
    Cancel the last min or make new plans for a big trip with your sisters for next year and make a booking so there’s no room for doubt.
    Yeah, she should have communicated better, same counts for you. You booked the second trip while she was still thinking you couldn’t afford it. Choose her first, then she will be able to show that kind of vulnerability you want from her and take part of the blame for not talking to you about this topic. And yes, what she did last year was not nice either, but you talked it out and you made up, so you can’t pull that back into the discussion, that’s not fair, that’s making her the bad guy and again avoiding your own responsibility.
    Talk to her, check if she was indeed waiting for you to say you can afford the trip, ask how she wants you to fix this and choose her first. After all, she is your best friend.</p>
    Invest time in your sisters (counts for all three of you) and plan more smaller things together, it’ll make future mistakes like these less heavy.

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