Dear Isabella:

I agree with Coconut, you see he may or may not come back but as for right now the reality is that he isn’t coming back. So would holding onto this hope change anything right now? Would it improve the situation that you’re in right now? I think the answer is no. The best thing you can do is like Coconut said cutting off contact. I must admit that it will be extremely hard and my heart goes out to you but this is the best way. You may experience feelings of regret and wonder if he would’ve came back already if you didn’t stop talking to him but would the relationship really be the same & last if he came back? and do you want to be with someone that has left you once? If he did it once he could do it twice and you may live in fear of losing him again which wouldn’t be a very healthy relationship.

Let him come back on his own.

Once you cut off all contact and moved on you’ll either realize that you don’t need him anymore or he may return upon realization that he lost such a precious woman and once the opportunity arises you could choose to let him back into your life or not, based on where you stand in life then. But as for right now that opportunity isn’t there, so please heal yourself (-: people keep changing he may change again but you are human too and are capable of changing too!

Like I said, let him come back on his own, don’t stay friends with him just to hold onto a certain connection hoping that it’ll grow to more again. If it was meant to be he’ll crawl back with or without friendship. (I would go for without friendship as you would hurt yourself less and nothing would change the him that he is now.)

Stay strong!

Liz

Dear laelithia:

My heart goes out to you and oh my, compared to you I’m like a total fetus yet I experienced something similair. You see, I met this guy online a few months back when I decided to take a break from school. I just broke up with my ex and needed someone to talk to, in this case a stranger. Had I known about forums like this I would’ve gone to here rather than falling in love with someone I didn’t know. I won’t go into detail but I used him as someone to complain to, until he put effort into me waiting hours on the chat to talk to me and what can I say I fall for effort, so I slowly started to fall for him too. After 2 months of constantly talking we started to make things official and even I reached that marriage/fairytale sweet talk stage where we would make plans to meet, getting married having kids and what not. After 5 months he started to act cold saying things like ”it won’t work” ”I don’t even want to be friends with you.” ”I don’t want to meet you/see you anymore.” ”I don’t care about people far away I don’t even want friends far away, don’t care about them.” This has hit me hard especially because a week before it was all ”I love you’s” and for the longest I truly believed that distance was the problem. It came to a point where I even made plans to move (He lived in England and I in the Netherlands.) Asking myself what it would be if he knew the me outside the texts. How foolish of me.
Anywho, my point here is: from what I can say as young as I am, any man who loves you will sweet talk you. Any relationship will reach the endless I love you’s, the false promises such as ”We’re gonna get married.” and last but not least the ”You’re the only one, omg I’ve never felt this way before.”

As far as closure goes, your letter was beautiful, but sometimes the end of a relationship doesn’t have any clear explanation. I believe that we sometimes just make excuses to close something ”He treated me poorly.” ”He cheated.” Truth is what you should really look at is feelings. They come and go without any reason, you either feel that chemistry or you don’t, when it’s gone people start cheating/acting cold/leaving. So as far as closure goes, whatever reason he will give you it won’t change reality, you could accept his reasons and move on, OR you can just accept the fact that feelings weren’t there aymore for him and take that as closure. Once again there really is no reason why feelings go, they just go.

I took that as my closure, but I must tell you, it was hard to get any closure at all, because I’ve never met him but I wanted to so there was always this hope & curiousity lingering around as if you try to write the end of a story with an open ending where things could still be possible long after the story has ended.

Also, I often find myself regretting deleting someone who has hurt me from social media. ”What if I hadn’t delete him.” ”What if I ruined my chance to be friends with him.” ”What if he won’t accept my friendrequest later on.” I usually, when it comes to facebook unfollow them or delete the chat/snaps on whatsapp & snapchat but I still keep them in my contact list just for that peace of mind. ”Oh I could still reach out for him if I wanted to.” The trick is to not to do this. It’s solely for that peace of mind. I delete people like this when I get over them, because then I truly don’t care anymore. Deleting them right away won’t only make me regret it but also makes me think about them even more then again this might be different for you.

Well to end this, I would like to say that going onto forums like this has helped me and that’s why I shared my story too, I hope it would help you as well, reading other peoples stories often make me feel less alone. As if I have other people to depend on for this time in my life when I’m to much of a mess to depend on myself & can’t depend on a guy anymore.

Stay strong, you will get over it and even if you don’t I promise the pain will be less over time!