Hi Melissa,

Sorry to hear what you are going through. I can imagine it’s difficult to live somewhere that is not comfortable or energizing.

It sounds like your Mom is in a tough spot. I am just speculating, but if she suffers from migraines and back pain, she is probably having a rough go. It may be a vicious circle where she isn’t well physically and mentally to work on herself. This isn’t for you to take on, but perhaps just looking at her situation with empathy rather than anger? I know it’s easier said than done, but if you know you are moving out soon, it may be worth a go. I felt sad reading about Mom, as it may be difficult for her to lose weight and feel better. Many times, the more weight you gain, the harder it is to lose it, as your body aches, you feel shame, and your self worth is waning.

Maybe a gentle talk with her would be a start. Saying something like you love her, but it is difficult for you to whisper, argue, be around negativity. And then do the opposite…talk positively around her, bring her up, give her a hug, be gentle and kind. It is so hard, but sometimes that kindness can bring out the best in others, as it brings their spirits up.

Also, if your Mom is having a tough time with bills, can she apply for assistance? May be worth trying.

Good luck to you. Just remember that when people don’t feel well, are ill, or feel sad, it’s hard for them to be positive. It doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it’s usually not about you.  Be well. x

Good morning Mia,

I wanted to send you positive energy and love. I can tell that you are a beautiful person inside, and that is what matters. Many of us on TB have struggled through a hard time (or ten) and I can say that doing your “work” can help tremendously. Many of us have been down, but it doesn’t stay that way. I agree with all the good advice and seeing a counselor, if you can.

This “work” varies with each person, but starts with you. It helped get my spirits and self-esteem out of the gutter and into a much healthier place. You have to know that you are a good person and realize you are unique and meant to be loved (as everyone is). You have talents, feelings, thoughts, opinions and qualities that are important and individual. Those are what make you wonderful. The differences and the uniqueness. Understand that you are worthy and loveable. Only you can give yourself that love. In addition, do things that make you feel good, such as reading a touching story, watching a funny movie (I watched Bridesmaids twice in a row), take a warm bath, write your favorite relative a sweet note and mail it, walk the dogs at the Humane Society, cook a new homemade meal, read TB daily (I try to) and simply be good to Mia day in and day out. Your heart deserves it. You deserve it. I hope time and inner strength will get you through this dear.

Hugs, Lightsource

And thank you to those who have commented, being the advice helps me as well. You are all loved. xo

Ah, I have to say that I have enjoyed this thread as well! I am always thrilled to see what each of you have to say in response, as I respect your wisdom and advice, along with your humor and humility.

It sounds cheesy, but you all hold a special place in my heart and I feel like I “know” some of you. You all radiate with a special kind of light and aura. Maybe thinking you are quite “normal” to the real world, but so beautiful, noble and significant inside.

It’s been fun imaging how you look and getting clues along the way 😉

Peace and love!

Hi Amanda,

I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and wanted to send you love and positivity. I am not the best at writing responses and hopefully one of the “veteran” members will respond.

Hon, you need to forgive yourself. You did what you did at a very emotional, difficult time. What happened doesn’t make you any less human. Take something from your experience that you can learn and then let it go. Let your past, your ex boyfriend, your guilt all wash away from you. There are so many beautiful things in this world, and you are one of them.

I agree that seeing a counselor would help. Is there someone close to you such as a minister, a relative, or good friend that you can talk to? Perhaps a therapy group? Does the clinic you went to have post counseling? Sometimes just telling someone what you went through and feel is therapeutic in itself, even if they don’t know how to “help” you.

And please be good to you. Take a warm bath, read a sweet book, watch How to Train a Dragon or a fun pixel children’s film…anything that calms and relaxes you.

Matt always recommends the Metta Meditation, which is also a good thing to settle your mind and become still with your thoughts.

I am not sure if this helps, but I still wanted to reach out to you, Amanda. Know that you are loved from others in this Universe. Big hugs to you.

That was great advice from Ruminant. Thank you.
Danielle, it sounds as though when others share with you, it takes away your energy. I understand, being I am one that usually listens and finds people sharing so many things with me. I think they just want someone to talk to, and I feel honored, but at the same time, exhausted by the end of the conversation, being I would “feel” their pain. I would feel guilty if I wasn’t there when they needed someone to talk to, but at times, it would add to my stress and anxiety. So, when I hit a really low point in my life, I realized that I needed to take care of myself first and not take on other people’s stress. So, I would listen, but not engage, as Ruminant mentioned. But, basically I realized that I needed to be good with me first, before I could “help” others. You are a good person whom people feel comfortable with. That is such an amazing trait. But, please don’t let others sap your energy, either. I would practice boundaries, if need be. You can be a good friend, but also be honest and be yourself, if the conversations are too much at times. If you have had a hard day, you can listen to your friend, and then say something like, “I hear that you are (sad, hurt, etc), but I have had a hard day today, so can I get back to you on that.” I wonder if you are more comfortable with your family, being you are just “you.” Try to incorporate that into your friend relationships as well. YOU are wonderful and have things to share, so don’t feel that you always have to be there for everyone else only. Friendships should be reciprocated. Does that make sense?

I am not sure if this helps, but thought I would reach out. I wish you peace in your struggles. Take care 🙂