Wow, Matt gave some awesome insight. Compassion is key. I totally agree. I was in a similar boat as you and can honestly say that it takes time and conscious living. Experiences are an amazing thing. We bring to us the experience that we want to transcend. You are at a point of transformation, do not limit yourself by allowing the old patterns to continue. Just by noticing that you are not who you want to be is only the beginning.

here’s a challenge for you to take up, the next time you find yourself wanting to contribute or say something, do it with a conscious mind, observed all your thoughts and feelings and everything around you. Pay very close attention to how you are feeling when you speak something that is not your truth. It’s going to be so scary, I remember the first time I stood up for myself and it was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done but I stayed in the moment and when I made “mistakes”, as I’m sure you will too, I didn’t beat myself up.

The trick to conscious living is breaking down your self-limiting boxes and be willing to accept all your actions. No one ever takes advantage of us unless we played a role in it. Being an enabler does not mean that we are a victim. You always have a choice, you can choose to do something that you feel is not right or you can choose not to do it, but never regret your decision, that’s the easiest way of knowing you made a decision that you didn’t agree with. Live who you want to be and not who others want you to be. Learn to love yourself and others will love you. There’s a great book called The Four Agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz. You will find this book very inspiring. It is a manual for conscious living and it really helped me put life into perspective and learn how to living consciously.

After you do some self work, come back and read Matt’s answer and it will suddenly start to click into place what he is talking about. Change comes in many forms, it is not about how fast it comes, but that change is in progress and you notice the slight variations to the experience because no two experience will ever be the same. Experiences teaches us about ourselves and if we are conscious of our actions, we can learn so much from our experiences.

Don’t compromise on your values but at the same do not be so strict that you cannot allow yourself to say no when you feel like it. I know how hard it can be to say no because we cannot allow ourselves to disappoint. It comes down to this, when you get to the root of the problem, YOU cannot allow yourself to say NO to your friends because YOU do not like it when YOUR FRIENDS tell you NO. It bothers you so much when your friends tell you no that every time they ask you something, you force yourself to say yes because if you say no, then you will feel like you are just like your friends and you let them down and you don’t want your friends to feel the same disappointment you felt. But it brings up all the past where they did disappoint you and BOOM you’re stuck in an endless loop where you cannot find your way out. Let it go, don’t hold on to ideals that are no longer working. We are humans, we all have our own personal issues and values, do not allow your values to run your life. Have values but do not be so unbending and inflexible that you end up breaking. Find your balance.