I texted her. Forgive me for trying to get dating advice at this website but I’m desperate. I think I got some positive news. Here what I texted her:

“Hey Bre, I gonna try this being an adult thing and speak out about how I feel. It’s been on my mind a lot and I need to get it out. I really did enjoy our time the other day. It was an awesome surprise. I especially enjoyed cuddling with you until sunrise. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt I’ve really connected with someone. I would love for our Friday shinnanigans to happen again but I’m mature enough that to know that my feelings aren’t the dictators of reality. You might feel the contrary. So all I can do is tell you how I feel. With that said, just know that you can be comfortable telling me the reality of the situation. I’m not one to be upset over reality, so whatever it is, I’m sure I’ll know how to deal with it. It doesn’t risk our friendship either. I’m still your homeboy whether you’d cuddle with me or not. And I’m not saying you have to tell me soon either. You can take your time thinking about it if you are not sure yourself. ”

“Also, I know this text do read very proper. It’s not because I’m drunk, although I had a glass of 805 earlier. I’ve just learned recently that it’s better to lay things out on the table on matters like this. It’s better for everyone in general.”

“Goodnight Madam. I wish pray fortune on your pilgrims (not sure what pilgrims mean).” Lol, yes my text does sound weird but a lot of it were references to the silly things we incountered during our time together.

After 12 very long hours she replied with this;

“Aww Lester I would love for our Friday shinnanigans to continue as well 🙂 I had a lot of fun with you on Friday and most of Saturday.”

Is this positive? I know how to play things cool, but never gone this far with a girl before. This is a new territory for me.

I think I will take it. Not only because it will give me an income but because I’m terrified at doing it. But from my experience, being in terrifying positions often forces to adapt. So this might be an opportunity to grow for me. Opportunity to learn to value myself even when I’m at my lowest point. Thank you all.

Dear Anita:

It’s interesting you say that. I was just thinking earlier today, that the main problem I have now is that I have no breathing room to save money.

I realized that I’m really itching to go travel and learn from people around the world how to sustain a successful organic farm. But in order to travel, I would need at least a starting saving. After some logistic calculations, I decided that I would need around $5000 to start this adventure. In my current situation though, that is almost impossible to achieve because where I’m located.

Today, I was actually thinking of other options. This is why it’s interesting to me that you said third option.

First option, figure out a way to reduce my rent while still maintaining cool head. I certainly don’t want to have to live in my car or live in a tent just to save money. But there are some compromises that I can do. I can live in a 2 bed apartment and share it with someone else reducing my rent couple hundred dollars less. And, I can also let go of my car and just take public transit. I estimate I can save around 400-500 dollars this way. Which will make my goal achievable in about 1 year. Straight forward, and one possible third option. It’s just difficult to stomach the fact that I would have stay in my job for 1 whole year. I’m scared that I’ll get fired for my lack of enthusiasm doing it. But, it is a way to achieve my goal so I’m willing to make the sacrifices. Haha, it’s a little far fetch but I imagine myself being a bitter person when I finally achieve my goal and there would be no point traveling because I just hate the world and everyone. Managing stress level for a while will be my challenge here.

Second option, I was thinking of moving to a cheaper place in United States. A place where I can actually save money so I can fund my adventure. I have friends I can stay with for a few weeks until I get a job. I was thinking Michigan (I have a really good friend there): where people with full time minimum wage jobs can live an okay lifestyle. I believe I have the skills to get a job above a minimum wage. I just hope I can get a job I can stick to long enough to meet my goal. This option makes more sense to me. I’m confident I can get a job there. At least something better than what I have now. A job that will allow me to live okay and some level of happiness while still making progress towards my goal. In holland, Michigan, my friend is sharing a 2 bedroom apartment with someone and he is only paying 300 dollars. With that kind of rent, even minimum wage workers can save a little. I’ve been in the city and it’s not any smaller than Santa Barbara. It’s amazing and beautiful out there. The only real sacrifice that I will have to make with this option is hustling my ass off to find a job. But once I find one, I think I will be okay with this.

Then, I can travel (first stop is Puerto Rico). Learn the skills I want. And, when I’m ready, build the farm I’ve always dreamed of.

I would like to have my own farm one day. Producing organic foods for local businesses and restaurants.

Dear Anita,

You are absolutely right. The truth is the job is not okay. I hate it. I feel like I’m wasting every second of my life doing it. I feel like a slave. I work a job that I completely hate, just to make ends meet. The truth is, even if I stay in this job for say, years, I don’t see a way for me to save up. I live in Santa Barbara, California. My 1 bedroom apartment is $1700 a month! I make $2200 a month. Yea it’s pretty bad. I work so hard in college just to live in poverty (in Santa Barbara standards) wasting my life away in a job I hate. You’re right wwoofing seems to be a way out of this misery for me. This is why my heart and soul is telling me to leave.

Because I don’t have any savings and don’t have an opportunity to save, I was thinking wwoofing would allow me to survive while I find a new job. A new job in Puerto Rico. I’ve always wanted to live in Puerto Rico. It has been my one of my bucket list for as long as I can remember.

Thank you all for your support. I really appreciate it.