Hi Joanna

I fully empathise with your situation, I have found myself in a number of work based situations where I have been bullied, in various different ways. It is extremely difficult to confront the person who has been undermining you; that is why bullying is so effective. You are in a tough situation, so first and for most show yourself some compassion, no should of, could of negative self talk.

Here are a couple of things that might help you deal with the situation.

Pause to consider where the other person is coming from. What do you think their thoughts and feelings might be? Take into account what might be going on with them. This step is hard to do when your whole being is caught up with a sense of injustice. But it is an important step in helping you to defuse yourself. Keep in mind that your view point comes from your experience, your filter.

When you are feeling calm (and strong) ask to speak to the problem person away from your usual environment, somewhere neutral (if possible). The aim of the meeting / conversation is to assert your position but in a non-confrontational manner. Easier said then done, I know.

Brain dump, all you anger, hurt and frustration on paper. Write down what outcome you want from the conversation. This will help you sift through your heightened emotions and bring clarity.

When speaking use “I” statements, rather than “you” statements, as this is less accusatory and will prevent the other person from going on the defensive. For example, instead of saying “ I find it very upsetting when you shout at me.” you could say “I find that I get very stressed when I am shouted at, I wonder if there is a different way for us to communicate”.

IMPORTANTLY it isn’t about whether the other person agrees with your view of whats happening. It is about you being clear on what your values are and where your integrity lies. You are honouring yourself. If you approach the conversation from this position it might help you feel more empowered. This is about about helping you do what you need to do.

Good luck and as VJ said do repeat the mantra I’M SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME THANK YOU. It is healing and supportive.

Lesedie