Dear Anita

Sorry for some reasons I didn’t get the email notifications so I missed your replies.

Thank you so much for your response. It is always nice to have someone like you who really gets me.

To answer your questions, it is surprising to see the description of a meerkat on Wikipedia, it actually gives me some insights as to how my childhood experiences have shaped my beliefs as you said.

Yes I’m highly sociable, however when I feel that I’m not being accepted I tend to react strongly and completely withdraw from the social circle, even if I have to sit there I feel that I’m dead inside and everyone is dead in my eyes. It is not that I’m antisocial, I look serious as well do it doesn’t help. But I only shine brightly if I feel that I am surrounded by the right people, and even to strangers I’m a superstar, within a short time I already have returning customers asking me for recommendations and I close a lot of good sales even though I’m not at the tills most of the time (I am busy doing the things that nobody wants to do like working on the displays and sorting stock in the back. But when I’m back to the shop floor I can immediately close many sales so I end up selling the same amount as others, I work hard and I feel good about myself when I get things done).

You’re absolutely correct in saying that I do not have anywhere to retreat to, I do not feel that family is a safe place for me and I would rather not mention about that.

Sorry I talk a lot about work, it is important to me, and I really want to stay in my current role even if I move to a different organ. I see myself being a manager, not now. But I’m a natural leader, even though I might not be the most outspoken (I let the manager take the credit as she is the leader. But I am kind of like the person that most people would listen to and I have established myself as someone that is reliable, driven and friendly (although it is contingent on whether I get along well with that person).

I haven’t checked the other thread that I started, I might have missed the emails as well. But here is an update: I have been able to start a new page with Bear as I believe that we still have to work together, and it seems that there is no mentioning of what happened so I suppose it is squashed now. I am happy to have built some trust with the team.

However I was pretty flat out after work today. It has got to do with me being sick so I had a couple more coffees than what I would normally have and also I’ll have my period in the next few days.

But I really couldn’t keep it to myself and I was really having issues with Giraffe. So the manager is having a day off and she told me exactly what to do today, I am working full time so I have all the latest information as to what we’ve been doing.

Giraffe wasn’t even here when the discussions took place and I would like to introduce a new character, Lion, who is casual. And they did the exact opposite of what the manager told me to tell them to do (I don’t want to take the blame as I was told to pass on the message). They’re not even here all the time.

They’re like. Because they’ve worked here for a longer time then they have more experience. I tried to bite my tongue. It is not a competition of who has been here longer. The fact is the manager said this is what is going to happen and they did not follow the directives, and I do not want to take the blame in case anything goes wrong. I prefer we have discussions if we need to, but we take directions from each other instead of Giraffe being the one steering the wheel when she wasn’t even there when the discussions had already been had. What really set me off was how she was on my radar as one of the people who stole from the shop as well, and she said we should all take part in the cash up together which I strongly rejected as I do not want to get involved in that sh**, given what has already happened that Giraffe tends to go against me (at least this is what I feel) and the manager instructed me to do the cash ups independently as well as she has seen how accurate and efficient I am (I performed the whole thing under CCTV so there is evidence as well) so I wouldn’t take the fall if it is a collective effort to steal from the shop.

I know I shouldn’t have said “Jeez, oh whatever, do whatever you want mate, that’s not even what the manager said, things have changed now there is a new rule and you don’t even know” then walked away. But then Giraffe acting like she is in charge and not even being aware of all the things that were going on shows me that she is both incompetent and irresponsible, when both things go together that is the formula for me to hate someone and I can be overdramatic. But to me she is dead.

I will suck it up, I know she is not something that I need to worry about, as she is still studying (once she is done then she will move on), and my goal is to work in sales over the long term so eventually I will take over, as I am one of the few people that can commit to the job full time which is stressful (for me not really, but I can’t deal with people that I absolutely hate).

It is a big rant. But I hope you’re good. Don’t even know what to say now, I love talking to people. But I will take some rest tomorrow and I have a side gig on Monday before I head back to work to see Giraffe on the next day.

Dear Anita

Thanks for your advice.

I have discussed with my partner and he said unless there is undeniable evidence, which means if I take it to the police it will be incriminating, the fact that I “know” what is happening and “someone told me about that” is not going to help. I agree with him. And I agree with you as well. If I report to someone higher up, at least I need to “show” them something. I have got the roster with who is doing what on which days, and who has access to the safe (also we have CCTV, however, it is not going to cover every corner of the shop. If you are there long enough and you have permissions to check the footage then it is kind of easy to work out how to get away with it if you’re going to steal something). However most of the other evidence that I have is verbal.

What I’m doing now is that I try to avoid getting into more trouble i.e. when doing the cash ups, if I am going to sign off the forms for that till, I will do the whole thing from start to finish including doing all of the records on the software so that there is no opportunity for someone to mess that up for me. Also at the end of the day I try to use some sort of excuse e.g. the manager asked me to go to the back (there is always something that needs to be done, and she always asks me to do something and then forgets about it or puts it off for later). So I can avoid working with the ones that I find suspicious. If the second or third in charge is there and they are happy to sign off everything to declare the amount is correct, then I let them do it.

I would say, from my experience, most of the thieves, unless they’re in the movies so they’re extremely smart (which is why they’re in the movies only), most thieves are actually not that smart and can be recognized easily. Unless it is an organized crime that is committed by a group of people.

So if I let them do the records there is a greater chance that they will mess up somewhere, and their heads will be chopped off first, as it has already happened that what they said do not match what they put on paper.

I heard that there is a chance that some of the staff will be leaving so the change might be good in this case.

I will be sure that if my signature appears anywhere on the forms then I will have my eyes on the cash from start to finish and I won’t even get 10 cents missing until it goes into the bag and is completely sealed for the security to pick up.

The only thing is with the computers the system has a thing that automatically allows you to do a few transactions even if you switch users and come back into the same account (no password is required). So there is a chance that my account can be misused.

I’m going to have a good relaxing week so I’ll worry about it later.

Dear Anita

Yes you are correct. She admitted to stealing. The manager had a conversation with her in private. Later the manager told me that she is aware of what is happening and my suspicions were right. However Bear being sneaky and having blamed me for that previously still means that I still have a target on my back knowing that she is not too happy about it and the manager is aware that there is a lot of tension. It affected my performance at least it is what I think.

She is allowed to work at the register, however not alone. She is the second in charge so she has got the keys and access to the safe. This is kind of confusing. Putting my feelings aside, if I were the manager I would fire her immediately regardless of the amount of money (and goods) being lost from the shop.

I would remain professional and be friendly to Bear after the incident. I had another conversation afterwards about how certain goods were lost sometimes referring to the customers, as it was obvious that there is a corner in the shop that is not clearly visible to the counter and when we closed the shop, I saw that the packaging was there, however it is empty. It wasn’t an expensive item.

Bear said why would it be a problem? Isn’t it smart? It is a small item and you can just take it.

That rings many alarm bells and she is a walking “red flag”. I do not know why she is still allowed to work here.

I am sure that she is the one stealing money from the shop which is confirmed by the manager now. Not sure if it has anything to do with the goods that disappear from the shop every once a while.

I was really fuming as I do not have questions about my own integrity.

Dear Anita

Thanks for your response. It is always nice to hear from you. I think you’re mostly correct. I don’t even know I’ve mentioned the word “learning” so many times. But yes, I guess there must be a reason for that.

I guess being an overachiever is something that I has been told since I was a child by my parents and teachers as well. It is something that I am conscious of, and my friends get “jealous” as well. When I applied for jobs sometimes I got rejected as well, due to me being “overqualified”, etc. Also I can appear quite cold (I am really compassionate, I can’t change how I look! But I try to smile a little bit more, so I look more confident and once people get to know more about me, they know I’m quite nice 🙂 ). Yes I think I did not have a safe environment and I have had a lot of bad experiences, especially at school and at work, I guess, where I tried to use the same thought patterns that I had when I was a child (i.e. my family is not safe for me). But it could be that I haven’t actually found a place that is good for me regardless of what has happened to me as a child. I always a sense of danger. I’m like a merekat so I’m hyper alert all the time, this is what I have been told!

Dear Anita

Thanks for your reply. For me you have always been kind and I believe being in a difficult situation and still being able to see the kindness that is in you is something that is not easy to do. I think it takes courage to focus on the good, and I agree with you that learning is a part of the healing process. In fact it means that you’ve done really well in this process so you have the time and space to take other people into your life and to appreciate their thoughts and support them through tough times, which is not easy to do. So you’re doing great 🙂

I have recently started a new job. I would say I have come full circle and it is a good thing for me. Back to where I started but with a greater understanding of my true self.

It is a long story. But I’ll keep it short 🙂 When I was studying medicine I had some really bad experiences.. it still stings a little bit when I think about it so I would rather not go into the details. Also I grew up in a dysfunctional family like yours so I only started to feel better when I moved overseas where I could distance myself from the memories that I seemed to hold on to that I knew wasn’t doing any good to me. My father’s passing was such a great relief for me. I feel that there is less pressure on me to do what he wants me to do. I’ve worked in education and did a little bit of accounting as well. I think it is due to me being an overachiever. So after a lot of discussions with my partner, and after many unsuccessful attempts, I eventually found myself in a sales position at a charity that offers free of charge hospice services (I no longer have anything to do with the clinical side of things. I’m so glad! I have had enough).

I have never been happier in my life. I work well with my manager and the other team members. I have never felt that I could be so in my “elements” like I was made for this job. Talking to people all day actually makes me more energized. And helping them to find something that want that they absolutely cherish as it is for a good cause makes me feel that I’m doing great. I’m learning something new about people every day through observations and interactions which was impossible in all of my other jobs as I wasn’t getting any pleasure from it. I feel physically tired after work. But mentally I’ve never been in a better place. I insist that university is not what I need. It is not required for the jobs that I like.

Dear Anita

That’s alright 🙂 I was asking questions as an ice breaker. But if we’re not comfortable with it then we don’t need to talk about it. That’s not a problem at all 🙂

How do you think that it has helped you with your healing-learning process? Or is there any othe topic that you would like to talk about?

I’m on my way to work now and I think it might a busy week for me. Let’s keep in touch