thank you! n u r right.. i want us to move forward n understand that we cant help each other.. but everytime i try to bring it up. he just starts attacking me instead of understanding.. so my question was.. its perfectly fine to stop trying right? i tried my best to talk to him n make him understand but he is never ready. so i dont have to do it anymore right?

i never felt responsible for anybody s pain.. but i have always felt less. like whatever i do is not good enough.. or whatever i do is something wrong.. even when i do something for myself i always felt guilty because they would show in actions and words that m selfish.. maybe i am.. n that makes me feel like a bad person … the guilt i feel for him is because i know he can never show his tantrum throwing side to anyone .. in front of the whole world he is the best person who can never utter a bad word or even be angry.. he shows his dark side only to me…and i feel good in letting him be a child.. and i feel guilty that he may never be let himself go n be a kid sometimes because we all need somebody to pamper us and listen to our tantrums.. i was always happy to do it for him… it made me happy that i could allow him to do that..

hi there! m writing again just to clear a few doubts. hope somebody can give me a clear perspective.

i realise, what i m most concerned about is the fact that i feel guilty.. i think i should move on because staying here only hurts me but when i really think i will move on a small voice in the back of my head tells me m doing something wrong.. its sucks.

this small voice is his voice. his words. his reaction.

whenever i have tried to move on he always say something or the other which make me feel like m doing something wrong by moving on even if he clearly seems to have moved on. yet he doesnt want me(according to his actions)

i m mostly worried about the fact that if in case we do get back together one day even as friends , he is surely going to say these words “you were so happy without me. u moved on so easily.”

and i know i will feel guilty then. i dont want to feel guilty. so i try my best to make him understand how hard this is for me. i dont ever want to give up but he being so cold to me. it hurts me more than anything.

am i being selfish? should i just forget everything n disappear?

Thank you for your kind words… but why do i feel like i am at fault? i just feel like everything is my fault for not being good enough or understandin enough and so i feel like i m doing something wrong by moving on…

Thanks Annie, I m still struggling to walk away.. its been one week since i said my final goodbye to him.. and i rarely use my phone anymore. i deleted my social media profiles and have been not active on whatsapp .. but sometimes i miss him soo much.. i just want to text him… but i dont… but again i get second thoughts which tell me to do it.. like u said.. i need to look at it from a clear perspective and what i really expect of him or want from him.. as of now.. i think m just so used to him m finding it hard to be without him… and plus the thought of him having fun without me sometimes makes me feel so petty..

I m sure my cribbing might get old.. but last week i finally decided to let him go after the way he shouted at me and told me to leave him. literally begged me to leave him alone.. i felt so hurt but somehow relieved that i was not the one who initiated the final breakup. otherwise if we ever spoke again he would give me grief about how happy i was to break up with him..
however, i wanted us to have a good goodbye.. a mutual understanding that we wont work out the way we are but still wanted us to respect the good times we shared and depart as good friends.. so i texted him asking whether he could spare ten mins for me just to talk..he did not respond.. it was over whatsapp. all our conversations happen over whatsapp.. so i messaged again asking whether we could talk for ten mins whenever he calmed down.. he finaly replied saying never to expect him to get over his anger and calm down..so i said m not gonna say anything to anger him,i just have few things to say and that i needed him to just talk to me for ten mins because i dont want to just message him whatever i wanted. i wanted a conversation not a monologue.. i mentioned that i understood that he wanted me out of his life and that i also did not like to make him frustrated again and again so to let me know when i can talk to him …to which his response got hyper and said some mean things like “did u make a vow to make me mad?” and stuff like that.. i said no and he said that all u do and u always want to pick a fight..
i feel sad that he always think m bad.. when i was struggling with him leaving.. i was a mess. i cried every sec and whenever he was busy or something i might have gotten upset.. few times.. and he called me evil.. he said that my mind has become evil.. and when i look back everything i did was either wrong or bad according to him.. and that makes me wonder whether i am really a bad person… maybe i dont know it but maybe the reason i cant find love is because i dont give love? or i m bad by birth?

so its ok to leave him n try to make myself better?? i m not abandoning him am it? i mean i feel guilty if he is lonely n sad when m trying to be happy..