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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 43 total)
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  • in reply to: Being broken up with #209717
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I was hoping to sleep longer but looks like I might not be. Iā€™m still a bit surprised that he responded at all. Thank you for the clarification on his response.

    A better relationship:

    our communication to be better – we can talk about things before letting them build

    I improve my listening skills –Ā not answer before I think

    No longer make plans into the future – take it day by day

    donā€™t involve my family until way, way later

    Donā€™t stonewall when we get into an argument- happened 2-3x – I wanted to just walk out or Iā€™d ask if he wanted a break

    Be able to be more honest with each other

    Show him that i care by making a meal – he asked that i try this every once in awhile (Iā€™m not comfortable cooking)

     

    Iā€™m not too sure what else. Itā€™s hard thinking about what was wrong. Iā€™m mainly thinking about the break up and what he said and the few arguments we had and what they were about. I thought things were going well, but like you said he felt misery and that it should end.

    ~L

     

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209691
    L
    Participant

    Anita,

    I sent the following text (reworded yours just a little):Ā Hey. I miss you a lot. I was wondering if we can talk about the possibility of having a relationship, one better than the one we had. Can you let me know your thought on it?

    He responded, but I donā€™t know what to make of his response at all:Ā Why dont you express yourself better and tell me your thoughts on it.. what would be better…

    i havent responded as its late here and I do need to get some sleep, but just a few mins after reading that, I cried for a few mins. I donā€™t understand why. Thank you for continuing to read my responses and thank you for responding.

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209683
    L
    Participant

    Hi Bella,

    i just sent my ex an almost exact version of Anitaā€™s text. Iā€™m at work and no anxiety over an answer (yet). Iā€™m starting to realize if he doesnā€™t want to respond or give me an honest answer, heā€™s probably working on himself or he has issues that I canā€™t come between. Or he just didnā€™t love me like he said he did. But regardless, I canā€™t let this keep affecting me:(

    and you?Ā Whatā€™ve you been doing to work on yourself? I would like to start working out again, but itā€™s my laziness. There are a few things I would like to fix within myself.

    Im sorry yours ended after 8 years. Youā€™re strong to be able to write out everything and still think about what and how you can better yourself.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209677
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I have the text copied and put into my text log with him, but Iā€™ve yet to send it. Although I donā€™t have anxiety of sending it, Iā€™m still a bit hesistant. That fear of rejection is still there slightly. Maybe Iā€™m too proud to ask? Anyway, Iā€™ve been thinking of this off and on. It doesnā€™t bother me as much anymore. Iā€™m trying to get out of this blah feeling. For example, I need to do laundry, but I keep putting it off. I need to go shopping for jeans, I keep putting that off. Iā€™ve been trying to take more hours at work so Iā€™m not home alone or so when I am home, I can just sleep. I think Iā€™ll go ahead and send the text after this post and turn the notification off and respond after I post a response (if I get one) on here.

    Edit: actually maybe tomorrow. Itā€™s almost 11pm here and although Iā€™m sure heā€™s awake, itā€™s probably not a decent time. Ah f it. Iā€™ll get over this and move on with whatever happens.

    ~L

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by L.
    in reply to: Being broken up with #209511
    L
    Participant

    Hi Bella,

    I guess Iā€™m okay. Trying to keep my mind of the what-ifs, what could be if I contact him. Different thoughts like that. Itā€™s hard so Iā€™m taking it day by day. I caught a cold, Iā€™m not sure if something is going around or if Iā€™m stressing myself out.

    Have you read the blogs on this website for love & relationships? Or letting go? I go back and read a few at least once a day. It seems like it helps to put some things into perspective. But itā€™s still hard going.

    and you?

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209491
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for helping me distinguish the differences. I guess I have read so many doā€™s and donā€™ts to ā€œgetting your ex backā€ or something of that sort.

    Would another version of ā€œhi T, itā€™s L. Are you in town? Can I stop by and drop off some of your things I have? ā€œ

    Im still have trouble with the wording, so it doesnā€™t sound too nonchalant or nonsensical. I am hoping he does respond, but Iā€™m at a point now that if he doesnā€™t, it would show me itā€™s time to move forward, sadly.

    I briefly wonder why he hasnā€™t initiated any contact. But I try not to think about it. Iā€™m becoming numb to this and itā€™s hard to grieve like I know I should.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209487
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    sorry itā€™s confusing. Well, after reading various things, itā€™s been advised, to wait until a month has passed since the last contact before making any contact. I donā€™t know if that holds any weight in a situation like mine. What would the reasoning be for waiting a month?

    As far as him not making any contact with me; does that indicate or seem to usually indicate anything you might have seen a pattern with after?

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209407
    L
    Participant

    Hi Bella,

    Yea, Iā€™ve been thinking a lot about his lack of contact. I donā€™t know if heā€™s just stubborn or wants me to initiate the first contact. Or if he is truly over the relationship and what we had.

    I have yet to text or call. How are things on your end?

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209405
    L
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I believe I could endure him not responding. I feel a bit numb to this. I would like to try to rekindle something, but Iā€™m realizing if heā€™s unstable, it will not work. And if heā€™s unwilling to do anything about it, it will not work. I donā€™t even have the communication between us to talk about that aspect. Have you heard or read about how itā€™s best to cut contact for a month? Iā€™ve been reading that a few different places. Any thoughts?

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209053
    L
    Participant

    Anita,

    I think my anxiety is more on what to say. Iā€™ve been thinking maybe something simple like: Hey are you in town? Iā€™d like to drop off some things of yours. Ā Or: Hi T, I wanted to see if it might be okay for me to stop by and drop off somethings or yours.

    The thing is I donā€™t know how to approach the topic of us through a text message without causing him any discomfort.

    Its a hard message to get across through word for without sounding too formal, Iā€™m realizing.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #209051
    L
    Participant

    Hi Bella,

    That is exactly what happens to me when it comes to text/call. You described it as if itā€™s happening to me right now.

    Do you feel better that you were able to talk to him and start to see which way you feel is best for you?

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #208947
    L
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    Unfortunately, I donā€™t have his email address. I thought I did, but I only have his phone number to text or call him. I do have his address as well.

    I would like to leave a possibility of a reconciliation open, but I donā€™t want the pain of rejection and having me hope for any of it, kind of dulls my senses. It makes me sad to think of the negative possible outcome. Itā€™ll just make me think he doesnā€™t really care or love me like he said over and over while breaking up with me.

    I am doing a bit better, itā€™s just this option of contacting or not contacting.

    Thank you for helping me work through this.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #208941
    L
    Participant

    Hi Bella,

    I havenā€™t text or called him. I think about it a lot though, but I donā€™t know what to say or how to say what I might possibly say. I donā€™t want to be checking my phone for a text response. Or if I call I donā€™t want to go straight to voicemail or just left to go to voicemail.

    I would like closure, but reading these blogs, I donā€™t know that Iā€™ll get it. It just frustrating to think of. I would like to figure things out and keep from thinking about this so much.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #208795
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Iā€™m not sure what to say or even how to say it at this point. I donā€™t know if I should text Or call. Any advice on what to say or how to go about it? I actually have some of his nice dishes we used for leftovers, I would like to give back. It feels weird just to toss them out.

    He does feel lost to me already. It hurts but it only comes up when I have nothing to do. Which is why my job hasnā€™t been the best place to be. I have a lot of free time to think there.

    ~L

    in reply to: Being broken up with #208685
    L
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Despite what others are telling me, move on, he doesnā€™t care, etc, I would like this to work and I want to try again, but I donā€™t know if he would be willing. Mainly, I donā€™t know how to initiate a starting point so I donā€™t push him away immediately.

    Not until recently did I realize through your help, and my past two meetings with a therapist that he might have some things to work on as well, but only if he wants to work on them. I would like to try and better myself with the help of a therapist which I knew I needed over the past few months, but itā€™s only because of this Iā€™m finally starting because this was a lot to handle alone unfortunately.

    ~L

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 43 total)