Iily,
I don’t really think you should tell him your “number”, if you start a relationship with him-“number”/experience conversations are meaningless, as they don’t add value to anything-if I like someone, I won’t stop liking him cause of his numbers, if he treats me right, loves me and etc.
As Jade said, your past doesn’t make you unworthy of love and affection – you just acted the way you knew. And when you’re 14, well, you don’t know much (you don’t even when you’re 23 or 30, or 40, as certain learning experiences only come with age). You want a relationship now and you’re willing to be faithful and etc., so just let yourself love and be loved. Don’t listen to that inner critic that tells you that your past prevents you from getting the kind of man you want. If a certain guy will only be willing to see what you were not minding what you are now, well, he is not good for you.

I agree with Jade-cut all communication with her, as it only keeps you in a delusion-you sort of realize you have no chance and yet hold on to the crumbs of attention instead of putting your effort towards healing from love that can never be and finding someone with whom you could create a mutual loving relationship.

I think you should think of the message that this whole situation is bringing: for me it shows you are longing for such person as she is.
Maybe thats a sort of person you’ve always wanted to be?Or maybe communication with her offers sort of an escapade from routine ways of living/ thinking?
I remember very wise words said by a priest on my cousins wedding – he said to the newlyweds ” you both are very beautifull, so others will certainly look at you both and chase you, it is even possible that you’ll fall for those other people, but when /if that happens, you first think of what you already have instead of what could be and if that possibility is actually worth loosing what you’ve created together”.
Many people seem sooo amazing until we actually get to know them. So I suggest to be very careful in such situation and evaluate everything with dilligence. I’ve been in a similar situation once, but I’m not married, so there were no obstacles to get with that man who seemed to get to the very core of my very being. Yet after several months it was over. And you have your marriage at stake.

I don’t think you should wonder about what he is thinking about and etc.
I’m guilty of doing this myself, so I know what Im talking about and how harmfull that is- when a guy whom I was very much into just fell from the Earth after 3 months of daily communication and getting physical, I couldn’t stop sobbing if he ever cared, why did he do that, why didn’t he have cajones to tell me straight away he wasn’t interested anymore and etc.etc. (maybe it wouldn’t have struck me that hard, but it was 3rd guy in a row doing that, so I fell into a long term mode of sadness and dissapointment and didn’t know how to move forward).
Well all that thinking about what was he thinking / what were his motives didn’t actually help me – it just kept me stuck in the phase of denial of reality that he is gone and that I most likely overestimated him and his interest. There is no such explanation that would make his dissapearing less hurtfull or make his behaviour “better”.
In your case – there is no such explanation that would make your sufferings “count” and justify him treating you in a “less than” manner.
The best advice I ever got when in that situation was “think less about him, and more about yourself”.
Whereas your life and thoughts now evolve around a man who just goes his way, like Bob said, with no attention to you. He is not worthy of your love and care.
Hopefully this site doesn’t ban forum members from suggesting other sites – if not, I suggest you read an amazing blog, called baggagereclaim.co.uk. Believe me, after that your “wonderful” bf will look just a frog instead of a mysterious prince.

I agree with anne – its not just about waiting for that right person to come – we have to do stuff to meet people. E.g., I try new activities every time I have a chance for it (or willfully make chances for it), signed up on several dating sites a couple of days ago, and told everyone I know they should bear in mind I’m looking for a boyfriend.
And when atually meeting new people I suggest knowing your own worth and letting the people unfold: first dates are all about fun, then you do more examining whether YOU find that person interesting instead of putting effort to be liked, at the same keeping your good traits visible. What is most important is not to go chasing after love, cause that might get you into relationships you would not to be in (and believe me, I do know what I’m talking about:)).

I’d say, break up. What I see in your situation is a man who treats you bad and youre unwillingness to let go, though this situation doesn’t make you feel loved and cared about, and this, IMHO, is not how it should be when in relationship.
You’re saying you are afraid of not finding love again, but guess what? In the situation you’re describing you will not find love for sure. The man messes with other women, humiliates and abuses you and etc. Does that sound like love? Not for me. Alas, your in LDR after 4,5 years? And no intention of moving together? For me it screams: the man is stringing you along!
You’re also talking about controlling the mans behaviour. I’d say – loosen up, woman. Your job is to take care of you, not some guy who treats you bad. It is his way and his decision to behave in a certain way, so let him. He is not a child to be told to behave in certain ways, he IS able of evaluating the effect of his behaviour.
I’ve had hard times letting go this type of relationships as well: it felt like I’m working hard constantly (putting up with their disrespectful behaviour, not stepping for myself out of fear to loose what I thought was love), whereas the guys were getting the benefits of it – a non-confrontational girlfriend, who only asks “how high” when given the instruction to jump.
What is most important when loosing this pattern of behaviour in relationships is a right state of mind. You’re not wronging someone by leaving them in this case. You’re just allowing them to experience the consequences of THEIR behaviour, e.g. you treat me with no respect – I leave.
I suggest you to read an amazing blog called baggage.reclaim.co.uk – theres absolutely everything you have to know in order to start loving and respecting yourself more and making yourself available for healthy relationships. Combined with wisdom of Tiny Buddha it makes wonders!
Best of luck!