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Lajla

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  • #161230
    Lajla
    Participant

    Hmm, I had a tough time with my family too, and I also was younger (I’m 21 now), and asking my self very same question(s) as you are asking us here…

    What I realized trough therapy my self, is that I can’t change them. At some point, I had to accept that they are what they are, not better or worse, and that I have two choices: 1. Still obsess why they are as they are, to me, to themselves… or 2. Accept that/them and redirect my energy and focus on building my life, life where I have my freedom and where I’m living away from them.

    I’m not saying you cut off relationship with them (it not necessary), I’m saying you are young, and have opportunity to build yourself a life. To go to college, to find a job, to move out, something where you wont be living with them. I think that would help. It’s much easier to have one video/phone call a week and have relationship with them when you are away.

    That could be your goal. I believe you have a capability to do that for yourself. Now, it just left three years till you are 18. In that time, I would recommend therapy for you, and working on accepting them (that doesn’t mean everything they did is okay, just that you don’t spend your life obsessing about them). And it would help you to build yourself a life you would want to live.

    Not everything goes over night, I understand your frustration, but chance is you can get yourself out of it.

    Good luck 🙂

    #128317
    Lajla
    Participant

    Thank you all for your comments 🙂 He’s not against me going abroad, he wants all the best for me and gives me all of the space to thrive as a person, but I’m wondering, why. Why would I go somewhere, just because of the job… Is it really all about the goal, or should we look also on the path? Yes, it would be slightly better for me to go abroad when we talk about career. But by staying here, I can also finish that college and education for therapist. It is unsure will I have the job with my profession…but even if I don’t – I’ll find something. Maybe if I don’t find job here, I can go later and find a job in other country… I don’t know what life will offer to me. I’m saying, I want to have nice days too, not just nice end of the path (nice job). And here is the thing, when I imagine I’m 80 years old, and someone asks me about this decision, I’ll be proud to say I chose love, because he is wonderful. He’s not perfect, he’s not all I want to have in my life, he’s a human being, and he is wonderful. He’s here in college and works also, and he’s not in position for the next 5 years to move anywhere, even if he would, he can’t. Being there 5 years without him…why? I would love to try with him, and maybe afterwards we could go abroad together…who knows. It hard for me to believe that there is just one path to success – me leaving everything and going there. And if I go, and put us both on suffering mode, and it happens we don’t want to do it to each other…I couldn’t forgive myself. My parents believe that there is just that one path to success. I’m not easy-to-fall-in-love girl, I was loner for few years, happy one. But he…I feel he’s the one. I don’t know why God put him in my life in this moment…but He did. Also, even before I had him in my life, I wasn’t so thrilled with ‘going abroad’ idea. I know by logic it’s really…logical thing to do, but when I involve my emotions…something just doesn’t feel right. And it’s not that I think I can’t do it – I know I can…but something doesn’t feel right. I can’t explain this to my parents…they just don’t understand what on earth doesn’t feel right. Also they think it’s all because of him, and I know it’s not. Even if I stay here and that relationship ends, it’s more okay for me, than the whole ‘going abroad’ thing. I understand my parents, I really do, my logic works…but my feelings…my gut is telling me different.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Lajla.
    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Lajla.
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