Hi Anita you are right i need to get into my beliefs and shake things up, i tend to see everything in black and white. good and bad. more so when i am thinking of my own behavior. Its a control issue for sure, the desire to be perfect, as the fear of my life spiraling out of control is massive(as this is what happened when i was a child) … so big infact that is exactly why i cannot tell my partner. i do not want us to break up or to put the strain of what happened to me on a relationship that is not yet 1 year old if we were to stay together. That is something i cannot deal with just now as i strive to work through the other personal issues i have. Maybe in years to come when/if we are married i will feel comfortable enough to tell him. But that wont stop me from opening up my mind and trying to see things in a less judgmental and harsh perspective. X

Sorry i should have been more clear, the mistake was getting myself into the situation in the first place, (which in hindsight was done because i was under the influence). I see it as more of an assault but because of my reaction ( i froze) to a Councillor that is understandable that deals with issues like this. But my partner might not see it this way. I have been hurt and I am trying to come out of this stronger and wiser. the last thing i want to do is upset my partner, what if he ends the relationship? or never trusts me again? or worse does something he might regret to the guy that did this to me? Its been a month since the “incident” and telling him now only looks worse surely? 🙁 i just need help on how to let this go.