I’m going to be the same 20 years from now; alone, single, and miserable.

See your self-talk?
It reminds me of how fear driven my own self-talk can be.
I think single people tend to idealise all those in relationships.
I think I’m happier in a relationship now but we certainly have our moments, our arguments, our times when we ask ourselves” is this what I really want”>
And then some day one of us will die anyway. We have to get used to change. Nothing lasts forever.
You know I look back at my single life and sure it was lonely sometimes but on the other hand I had a kind of independence too. It wasn’t all bad. It was an interesting phase of my life.
Try to have gratitude for your current phase of life, I guess is what I’m trying to say.

Peas is the vegetable I like most

• This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by jock.

Mallory,
again you seem to give mixed messages in your post.
Feeling sorry for someone is not a good reason to stay and it aint love either.
Sounds like you are acting nobly but you are doing your husband a disservice in my view.
If I were him, I would hate to think my wife was staying with me out of pity.
You owe to both of you to be honest and authentic.
Leave if you don’t love him.
Have the courage or else you are playing the victim, which won’t arouse sympathy from me.
Sorry I had to say all this.
Im being authentic, possibly too critical but nevertheless.

Time to lay it on the line then…
“Listen can we talk….
How can I put this? Would you be ready to take our relationship to the next step? I feel ready. Do you?”

How’s that? Too abrupt? Wouldn’t work?

I think you become wise from a lot of things. Getting old and experiencing both pain and joy.
Life experience brings wisdom, usually. Unless you are a really slow learner, which could apply to me in certain areas of my life, such as forgetting to brush your teeth, which I do occasionally.
Trying to think for yourself. Question everything, especially Buddhism. Reincarnation is a hard one to swallow for me for example.
Christianity has wisdom. All religions do I believe. Find what suits you. What suits your values. Just don’t become a proslytiser, a saleman for your cause. Nothing worse than those Mormons knocking on your door trying to sell you their delusional view of Christianity. (even if they helped me fix a puncture once, which was kinda nice)

• This reply was modified 9 years, 2 months ago by jock.

Sounds like you’ve put all your eggs in one basket which may be unattractive to some females.
I’d say as long as she knows where you stand, time to back off. the ball is in her court. Time to pursue other interests, even other females, as she may not be taking you seriously. The fact that she is still seeing another guy occasionally is a red flag in my opinion.
The “real” her may not be as good as the “ideal” her that you have created.
I’m in my fiftees and looking back I know, I definitely idealised some women who didn’t really deserve it.
One other thing springs to mind. her “difficult” past may be a red flag too. it would be for me. She may not want to risk loving feelings towards anyone again. she may want to adopt a pragmatic, even cynical approach to life. OK I might reading too much into this.
Good luck.