Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
jockParticipantDid your over sensitivity dispel that love? Make it go away? Miss it so it was left behind?
I know my parents love was unconditional but my older brothers was not. They were like bosses who were never satisfied and gave you low scores on performance appraisals. I think I have unconsciously tried to live up to their expectations all my life. Also being sensitive, I felt their judgements of me harsher than say my younger brothers who were less touchy. I’ve always had a “junior” mentality in their presence. I’m sure a lot of people know what I’m saying who grew up in families as the younger sibling. The younger one is trained to look up and respect the older one(s). In that way, you tend to doubt your own capacity for decisions..”let the older sibling decide, he knows better”.
Confidence is my problem. Especially social confidence. Not self-love.jockParticipantmmm good one Anita…
my problem is more self-esteem related than love related. Does that make incense?
My mother loved me but her self-esteem was low so I never felt it. My father was a gentle guy with moderate to low self-esteem but his love was more effectual. he was more cheerful than my mother. Mum was kind of passive but an extremely hard worker. A good person but if I can be critical she was status conscious and afraid to look silly in front of others. (her family were that way too, conservative)
My parents were protective of me to some extent. I wasn’t allowed to have a bicycle until age 12 whereas my older brothers had one at age. 5 or 6. My father lacked confidence when it came to investments and often consulted my older brothers. I felt my older brothers’ status became that of surrogate parents to us younger ones.
I took longer than my older brothers to forge an identity. Even now, I hesitate to take a strong stand on anything. Who is Jack? What does he stand for? I bet my family can’t answer that question. I have played a low profile role in my family. Example, my older brothers would host family reunions but I don’t have the confidence to say “OK lets have it at my house”. I don’t have the motivation either I guess. I’m afraid I’ll be judged by them for my effort.
I think I love myself if I’m not in a social situation. I am an introvert and can enjoy my own company. I think I have good qualities and a few weaknesses such as lack of courage and focus in a flight or fight scenario.
So Anita you’ve raised an interesting point. Can you have low self-esteem and still love yourself? I think you can….as long as you spend most of your time alone…. 🙂jockParticipantYou’re damn right I’m god-damned spiritual!
Why? Who says I’m not?
vengeance says the Lord will strike thee
if thou thinkest different ta me!
Read thy buybull every day and yerl be saved
from the fires of hell and from a summer in central Australia!jockParticipantI’m definitely not a victim of child abuse. (neglect or physical harm)
I was/am predisposed to sensitivity which made me feel “minor” incidents as “major” incidents. I was and still am an emotional person. But the problem with being emotional is that small negatives can potentially become big negatives. (Ruminator Ron) Of course our emotions work in tandem with the “monkey mind”. Like a vicious cycle, feeding off each other. Eckhart Tolle talks about the “pain body”. (another thread?)
But the people who suffered severe child abuse such as sexual or outrageous neglect, they are the ones I feel sorry for here. I’m sure if it happened to me, I’d be scarred for life. A teenage drug addict and homeless for sure. These people have an excuse for their antisocial behaviour in adulthood.They have an excuse to go off the rails. I don’t have an excuse. I had loving parents and an idyllic childhood really; the occasional older brother bullying but it was more how I reacted to it. I chose to dwell on it and blow it out of proportion. in the scheme of things, it was nothing.jockParticipantI know what you’re talking about Sann. it is definitely worth being more mindful of our feelings. And you talk about energies. That is interesting too. Everyone one brings a slightly different energy, don’t they. Often at work, so much ego is at play, that power and politics pervade. I find there is very little authenticity and a lot of fake mask wearing. “I know better than you. You are lower on the food chain than me” People behave like a pack of dogs sometimes. They’ll sniff you out, to see where you fit in the hierarchy. And I find I’m rolling over as a peacemaker, sooner than not. 🙂
jockParticipantit was good while it lasted
jockParticipantI know someone pretty well who suffered child abuse. Guess they never fully trust, always suspicious, but I’d say they’ve achieved a certain happiness, a lot of happiness really. I want to think optimistically about this issue. We can’t just accept that nothing can improve.
jockParticipantRobert de niro and Jeremy irons in the mission
such a beautiful soundtrack, it brings me to tears in certain scenes eg. the waterfallSeptember 27, 2015 at 12:44 pm in reply to: What's the last song you listened to on purpose. and what will the next one be? #84218jockParticipantSteve Winwood If you see a Chance, Take it
I can play some of this on guitar as instrumental. it’s such a gorgeous intro with synthesiser.jockParticipantWhat about those people who turn their victimhood into success? I think people like Oprah Winfrey suffered child abuse and now she champions personal development and healing. People who turn a negative into a positive.
Then I might be talking about material success here. These people look successful on the outside, but what are there close relationships like in adulthood?jockParticipantI don’t have any insight in those different aspects in myself, and i think it would be good to take a look at it. To be able to identify: this is Scared Sann, this good-hearted Gerda, this is Wise Wendy, this is Anxious Andrea, this is Brave Betty, this is Naive Natalie… Is it good to let them have their say now, or should i tell him or her, to sit on his chair and let somebody else have the show..?
Sann
I’m starting to feel like Edgar the Expert on this topic.. 🙂
All I can say is that was a useful exercise for me. I needed a strategy for dealing with chaos in my head. This can be triggered by pressure , real or imagined, when my self-esteem is on the line, when the straw has broken the camel’s back. Tired of taking crap from others and myself…(mainly Ruminator Ron and Zac starts to feel invisible)
I’ve decided that Zac is starved of attention. He needs a boost. The more assertive Zac becomes, the less influence characters like Ron, will have over me.
..someone advised a book called “the 7 pillars of self-esteem” . I’ve listened to the audio on YouTube. it is helpful. But I am now trying to be mindful of having good self-esteem every day. The first step is self-acceptance. For me, being 105 kg, I need to embrace the fatness (don’t laugh Anita). Then gradually lose some I guess. But not as if “I refuse to love myself until I’m 85 kg”. That kind of thinking is what makes society sick….in my view.
to be continued…I need a rest….September 26, 2015 at 8:09 pm in reply to: The more I think of the way my sister has treated me the more I resent her? #84194jockParticipantanita
that is so important, your point about misplaced empathy for abusers. I still do it, not as much but it annoys to think I still fall for that one “oh I need to feel sorry for them, they’ve had a hard time”.
The lesson is : protect yourself completely!…first.September 26, 2015 at 6:58 pm in reply to: The more I think of the way my sister has treated me the more I resent her? #84190jockParticipant<
I am tired of being judged for following my gut and doing what I want to do.
In my opinion, you have to be true to yourself. (to thine own self be true!)
This is painful but worse pain will follow if you aren’t true to yourself.
You owe it to yourself to maintain courage through this.
And you might need to have to have stricter boundaries with your sister.
In the long run, your sister will respect you but it will take time. (perhaps after you both leave home, facing more responsibilities)jockParticipantBreaking Bad too…loved the main character and his side-kick…..
and that Kung Fu series with David Carradine was a classic!Chariots of Fire, my all time favourite,
“you came here to see a race today, to see someone win, …” that is the most memorable scene of any movie I have ever seen. So powerful..
(hey pomp, this scene was in Scotland! beautiful scenery even if it was raining!)September 26, 2015 at 2:38 pm in reply to: What's the last song you listened to on purpose. and what will the next one be? #84178jockParticipantthanks pomp by the way for all your input/threads etc.
-
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 