another thing I’d like to write about this morning: my partner and I are having a guest this afternoon. Haven’t seen him for 10 years. I don’t have many visitors so it is a big deal. We’ve kind of lost touch, he got divorced, some of his life choices I can’t really understand and I’m sure he would be puzzled at my recluse lifestyle. But I want to examine my feelings before and after this event. I mean I probably won’t see him for another 10 years after this. The thing I want to look at is my need for approval from him. My need for him to validate me and my current situation. Whether I like it or not, I would like to think he envied me. Strange isn’t it. Childish. I would like to think he is impressed by my house my partner, my dog and the city I live. (he lives overseas) So I suspect any of his behaviour which is a veiled criticism or doesn’t validate me, will be hard for me to accept. What is quite possible is that he will talk about his life and take no interest in mine. That is just as annoying.
I’d like to have the Buddhist approach, no expectation, no winner, no loser, calm abiding. But I just want to be sure I don’t react to anything he says or does. Not take anything personally. I just hope it ends well, on good terms. Funny thing about getting older and relationships. I used to be more easy going than this but then I didn’t have any boundaries either which was a problem I see now.
OK hope I haven’t bored you anita.
Tell me about any similar scenarios if you want.

I’m back
I’m back
no sunburn on my rack
the ocean was asparklin’
the wind was adraftin’

if I drift away from here
it’s nothing personal
maybe I got a job
now that would be a shock
but can he keep it this time?
can he stay, no matter what?

gotta go nita
the waves are calling
if I don’t go now
my dog will start bawling