I was married to a traveling, full time musician for 5 years (together 9 years total) I have a full time, salary job and know the feelings of resentment very well. Reading this in fact brought back much pain for me, and a heart of empathy for you. I was the “supportive wife” for a long time. I remember the resentment of watching him be passed out in bed after a night of playing music and drinking, while I was up getting ready for a day of work. Things for us dissolved and broke for many reasons other than just money but for my heart a large part of that was money. Working your butt off and giving someone all the money you make w/ nothing in return can be disastrous on your life.

I will tell you this, when we started going to counseling I voiced to her that I felt like I couldn’t leave my relationship because he wouldn’t be able to support himself. Do you know what she said to me? He is an adult. It is the same thing I would say to you. You are married to an adult. Just like you have been an adult and working, he is also capable of working and supporting himself if need be. I am a people-pleaser and it was very hard for me to finally wrap my mind around that. She also gave me the scenario of “what if you died, what would he do then?” That made me really think. You aren’t doing him any favors by supporting him fully. He is an adult and at some point he can’t depend on you.

You are loved and deserve the best that life can offer. I think that this situation is really hard and I am proud of the hard work you have been doing. I think it was smart of you to voice those issues to him and I wish I knew how to help your resentment. Honestly, only time can heal and tell.

=)

No kids. My husband is a touring musician (always on the road) I work full time and work my ass off lol. I think I always knew in the back of my mind that he wasn’t capable of loving me the way I needed. I kept making excuses for not having kids because I was afraid to raise them alone. That is why your situation makes my heart ache. Even now, I can’t imagine having kids w/ anyone else, I still picture our little family and babies that look like him. But honestly, I am tired of being treated like a second choice and as I call it “Johnny Cash’s first wife” The one at home alone raising babies while he lives his dream and sleeps with God knows who. It has taken me so long to get to this point but I know I deserve my dreams too. Ugh, life. lol

<3

Broken breeze,

Let me start by saying this: You deserve so much.You do not need to wait for this man, he is not worth your time. Yes, he is the father of your child but that does not mean he has to be anything more than a co parent. I know there were good times and bad- there are in any relationship. However, he is with someone else and has done nothing to prove to you that he wants to be in you or your child’s life(ask your self if you really want a man like that?). YOU DESERVE BETTER. I have found on my own journey, that until I started to create a relationship with my self (not one where I beat myself up) One where I learn to embrace my flaws and love them, did I see how worthy I am to be loved. You are also worthy of a beautiful life and so is your child. Start working on the way you treat your self and your own heart. Forgive your self, you are doing the best you can. You are a strong woman and have a lot to offer. Believe that and it will radiate off of you.

I was born to a teen mother, you are doing what you can to give him a good life. Forget this man and start focusing on your baby. Your son will know he is loved even if he has a nanny. The best gift you can give him, is you being present and healthy. You can do this. Move on and start fresh, you deserve it.

<3 you are loved.

Kori

Sister,

Reading this hurt my heart for you. I am going through my own relationship struggle but can tell you when you see the signs before the marriage-don’t dismiss them. They will only grow and become magnified as time goes by.

You deserve so much.

When I read that part about “she is good for me” it instantly made me want to ask you that question in reverse. Is this man “good for you?” Does he have your best interest at heart? I think you already have your answer, but this is only something you can decide.

Know your own worth-you are his equal, if he can’t see that (pshhhh) he doesn’t deserve you. Don’t settle, sister.

You are loved.

<3 Kori

Olivia,

Our stories are very different but in so many ways, I am right where you are. I have decided to leave a struggling relationship after almost 8 years. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done, but probably in the scheme of my life-the healthiest. I have found on this journey that you can love someone and still not be right or even healthy for them (yet addicted and codependent to their energies). People grow and change and if trust and respect are not in the cards,there will always be problems. Now, that being said I am not encouraging you to quit or leave but I guess I am challenging you to take a hard look at your life. Are you really happy or are you just afraid of change and the unknown? When I finally asked myself those questions the answers were there. A life lived out of fear of the unknown is no life at all. Take a chance, take a risk and start on a journey to loving yourself. If you don’t hear anything else-hear this : You are worth it and your life can be anything you want it to be. Be brave, you are loved.

<3 Kori

Sultana,

First, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet fur baby, Harry. There is no sweeter love than that of a animal, especially when you are hurting and healing.

That being said, when I read about your past relationship and break up, it sounds like you were (and will be) in a much better place. Even saying things like “In the time since I have decided that I love being on my own and having my own space and don’t “need” to look for a new love..”

I want to encourage you right now. Things are hard and there seems to be no light at the end but friend, there is. No one can make these decisions but you, but I do challenge you to question, why now? If you had not lost your sweet Harry would you have contacted him, prompting a reconciliation? Would you have even wanted one?

Not once in your post did you mention loving or missing your ex, I don’t point this out to be mean, but enjoying someones comfort during a hard time is not necessarily a reason to get back in a relationship with them. I know it is so hard right now to see the end or the future but take it slow and ask yourself some hard questions.

I think Inky is right-if you do enter back into contact with him- take it slow, for your own heart.

You are loved-

Kori