Dear Anita,

thank you for your thoughts on this.

Yes, thats sounds very much on point, while i read your answer i actually started to cry.

irregardless, that doesnt excuse me to going along with being in contact him, i hope a lot it is my learning process (first family, then him) to actually realize these situations (but not just pure victim but also taking responsibility) , to have finally enough energy to stop it and to move on towards something better/bettering myself.

Dear Anita,

thank you so much for your quick reply and for the advice on what to do, i did think as well not even meeting him or explaining him would be the best as it cant come anything good from this and also he tends to be in person getting upset quickly and telling me its my fault he is unhappy. i just didnt want to be a cold person. but knowing all of it i already deleted all his contact information last week.i will certainly take your advice on this.

Couples of kisses and what not: only that two, i am not the type of person for this and thats definitely not the type of person i want to turn into.

feeling “weak”: no, thats not really what i meant. every time he disappears i feel i can finally breath and go on with my life and i can fully concentrate on what i would like to achieve. i am definitely not daydreaming hoping he would come along and choose me. i dont believe in any “love” like this: for me its clear that this is not love and that this is unhealthy and that it can not end well.

i meant by “weak” i kept going along with this, putting up boundaries , but still, even if i knew from the start its wrong and i do feel sorry for this person (and feeling a bit manipulated) every time he keeps telling me its my fault, that he is unhappy. i wish i could go back in time and just never met him up in the first place. but its too late for that.

Dear anita, Dear TeaK,

thank you for your kind and fast answers!

I took a week off to meditate on it and i reached the same conclusion. It is just so hard to believe that it wont get better than this.

about holding grudges: i know that they hurt me and i would wish they would acknowledge it instead of pushing me into this role of the unthankful, cold child. On the other hand, of course i feel guilty: it is somehow tempting to believe they are right and i just have to fix myself to have a loving family.

Luckily i am in a good place: i have a loving boyfriend (5years), good friends, a home and a steady job so i really do hope i can work myself through this and close the chapter.

Thank you a lot again!