Shelby,

You most definitely sound like me. I over analyse  every single thing in my life. I’m also always incapable of actually coming to any kind of decision because there are always what if’s in my mind – so this is going to be particularly hard for me.

I think what you’re going through at the moment is just being absolutely drained from all the heartache. I went through that not long ago and think it is an important stage of the moving on process (it’s a shame mine has been hindered by his contact).

Its only natural that your body & mind is starting to become a bit numb at this stage. After all, you’ve been up and down for the last month! It’s absolutely draining! For me anyway, i’d much rather feel a bit numb than feel at the motions of what’s going on but I can almost guarantee you won’t feel like this for very long so enjoy it while it lasts!

Also, unfortunately I am still waiting on my counselling appointments which is a real shame because I could do with the insight now! However the advice from you and your therapist has been helpful hehe!

Well you see that’s the thing, all the talk of change is there but so far I haven’t seen any actions because I’ve not really allowed for that to happen. I’ve still stuck to the point of him not contacting me just yet as I need time to think.

I worry that if I give him another shot it’ll just fail and there’ll be a complete lack of actions from his end yet again. But I suppose then I’ll know?

Its funny you speak of scent. Is it weird that everytime I go to do my grocery shop I always find and spray the deodorant that he used to use just to remember what he used to smell like? Weirdo alert haha!

Shelby,

Progress! Well done! I’m glad the anxiety has eased off a little and actually allowed you to have an okay nights sleep!

I did indeed reach out to him yesterday. We met up to talk once more. For me it’s a mechanism to show me whether I still feel the same about him. Because my rational mind is playing tricks on me, i’m trying to determine whether it is just my rational mind and whether I do indeed still want to reconcile with this man.

If im honest, it’s just left me so much more confused and I don’t quite know why I do this to myself. Perhaps it goes back to the thing of maybe I should try once more just to be sure? The issue is I KNOW where this ends. My gut knows, my rational mind knows, but my heart says give it another shot, if it fails then it fails at least you won’t live in regret.

I don’t know anymore. Going to try refrain from contact now and really give myself time to think this one through.

Bubba,

Its nice to hear from you again & im sorry that he’s contacted you after such a long time!

You’re right, he has probably realised that he will never have what he had with you and had you given him the option to explore that by going into further conversation with you, you’d see that he wants to reconcile! It’s a shame it’s just too little too late!

The fact that you are able to swiftly move past this is amazing and I hope I get there one day. And the fact that you think you may have officially fallen out of love with him is just amazing! You give me hope! You go girl!

Shelby,

Haha see! There are really other people out there just like us!

I get that completely. My ex also enjoyed time on his own. He was so content on his own occupying his time with whatever it was he wanted to do. Whilst I was basically counting down to the next moment get with him? Silly I know.

I agree with your therapist. The reason why both you and myself are not accepting the end is because we don’t want to believe it really is the end. In my mind I think of ways that could potentially fix the mess that we are in. My brain is coming up with thousands of scenarios in the hope that I can figure out the solution to this whole situation! And whilst focusing on that, I’m forgetting to focus on acceptance and closure, moving on!

Go you girl! I was invited out yesterday, passed it up. Same again today. I don’t know why but I just can’t bare being in social situations since Friday. I just really want to be on my own so I’ve taken myself to the gym this morning to try and distract myself. Then I’ll go and do a food shop and probably sulk for the rest of the day haha!

I hope you enjoy your time with your friend 🙂 well done to you! Progress!

Shelby,

I know exactly what you mean. It’s quite sad when I actually think back to the person that I was prior to my relationship. I was funny, outgoing, confident and quite frankly didn’t take anyone’s shit! I knew exactly what I wanted and I was determined to get it. No way in the world would would you ever see me settle for anything less. And then he came along and in a way completely exceeded my expectations. He was exactly what I wanted in human form. Our relationship throughout the three years we were together was perfect in my eyes. He was and still is my absolute best friend. I really didn’t think these kind of relationships existed and I truly thought i’d spend the rest of my life with this man.

And now I too find myself questioning my own self worth. I wonder where that confident and determined girl has gone? Is this what heartbreak does to people? It saddens me that i’d quite happy settle for anything that he gives me right now because I am aware that my happiness right now solely relies on his presence in my life. How messed up is that?

All in all, I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I myself need to work on getting some parts of the old me back. The woman who didn’t need anyone, I was happy and content on my own, he was just an additional source of comfort and happiness. I wonder when he actually became the only source of those things in my life..

@Bell,

Welcome to the thread and thank you for sharing your story. I think it gives insight for both myself and Shelby regarding the moving on process.

The issue I am having, not sure if Shelby will agree, is that perhaps the reason why im still holding on is because I don’t fully want to let go? I haven’t accepted the end per say although it very clearly is the end..

Did you experience this at all?

Hi Shelby,

Dont worry I’m the same when it comes to socialising at the moment. It does get very hard.

How did the rest of the evening go?

I’m struggling this morning. I’m struggling to keep away from him. My rational mind is easing off a little now and I’m finding myself really considering his offer but I just don’t know if it’ll work in the long run at all.. it feels like I’m just buying some more time with him when really it’s all gonna end the exact same way..

Not sure what to do anymore.