Shelby,

The issue is here I’m not strong. And it feels awfully wrong attending to something whilst he’s there only to pretend that we don’t know one another. What feels even worse is that in my head, with him popping up only last week begging for forgiveness it hasn’t even crossed his mind to say ‘Hey, seeing as were both going, why don’t we go together?’.. He’d rather go with his friends as planned.

I know that I should probably miss this one out but it is something I’ve been looking forward to for months now and the other half of me feels like why should I stop my life just because he’s going? He’ll be there enjoying himself, why cant I?

I’ve got a really strong urge to block him in every single way possible right now just so that he cannot physically reach me. My heart says no just in case so that whatever heartfelt messages he writes can reach me, even though he doesn’t do this. But my mind is telling me that no matter what he writes it will not make a difference. Our relationship was amazing however that relationship as we knew it is now over and I honestly don’t believe that it could go back to how it was.

I’m so up and down with everything and much prefer when he sets the pace for us going our separate ways. Then its almost like I don’t have a choice but being the one who’s left with the choice is so difficult! I honestly don’t think I can do any more! I hate being where I am, I really really do and i’m sick and tired of it now.

I’m glad you’ve got things planned for the day, it should help it pass quicker! Also, why don’t you try to squeeze in a work out at home maybe in the evening? When I cant be bothered to go to the gym I tend to just stick to that.

RebirthandRestart2018,

Welcome to the thread! I’ve had a quick read of your thread also and I’m very sorry that you’ve had to go through something so terrible!

I hope you are being kind to yourself and taking the time out to heal emotionally from such a traumatic experience.

I myself have been reading a lot into attachment and I think you’re absolutely right! It isn’t healthy!

I think I’ve pretty much hit a brick wall in regards to progress from my break up and it’s very frustrating!

How are you ladies feeling this morning?

Yeah today is most definitely one of my all over the place days. I’m getting well and truly tired of living with absolutely no purpose. It feels like each day is getting longer and more lonely. I am running out of things to use as a distraction. Although yes, Netflix has been my absolute life saver. I got into a new series called Once Upon A Time. A friend recommended it to me a while ago and I thought it sounded absolutely rubbish but then gave it a go and now I’m completely drawn in. Essentially my life consists of work and Netflix right now hehe, how sad?!

I’m just not really sure what else to do to be honest. Everyone says now’s the time to ‘be kind to yourself’ or ‘go gym’ or ‘take up a new hobby’, ‘go out with friends’. The issue is I’m doing all these things and I just cannot enjoy them. It just doesn’t work, they are merely distractions to keep the hours in the day passing.

I wish I could give you better advice on how to go on but unfortunately I’m still trying to figure that one out myself 🙁

Shelby,

Yeah I suppose it is. I’ve got the crazy urge to retrieve back to my bed again today but I will be seeing friends for some dinner as it’s my friends birthday – completely not in the mood for it!

I honestly have no clue how to make myself feel better right now. Clueless.

Have you got much planned for this evening?

Don’t worry I’m right there with ya!

Woke up this morning feeling disappointed and lost.. honestly I just want this to ease off now!

Shelby,

Dont worry I’m in the exact same boat. I wouldn’t dare to tell anyone that he’s reached out to me again because I wouldn’t hear the end of it. Nonetheless, we’ve acknowledged that heartbreak is an absolute bi**h and part of going through all the motions is the up and down. One moment you can be rational and the next your world is crashing in around you. One day distractions work and the next they don’t. One day you do so well without any contact at all and the next you’re desperate for absolutely anything you can get.. it happens.

I know you feel it may be silly to want to reach out to him but I do the same, so it must be part of the process right?

With that being said, how many times can you repeat your feelings and hope for a different outcome? As you said, it’s not like you’ve withheld the truth, you’ve been nothing but honest with him about your feelings towards him and the idea that you two have a future. So he is aware of that. Now it is up to him what he does with it, which appears to be a whole load of nothing at this point.

What our issue seems to be is accepting this chapter of our lives is over. What I’ve started to say to myself in the hope that it’ll somewhat make it easier for me to move forward is the idea that if we are to reconcile at some point, then we will. Until then, I must learn to live this life for myself because as painful as it is, this is my reality right this moment. It may not be this way forever, but it is right now. Also, I’ve come to my own conclusions about the whole idea of me picturing him as someone who is able to save me. Save me from not only my dark moments but also from this whole misery, the upset, the heartbreak. I cannot rely on him in such a major way any longer – hence the need for some distance to simply learn if I can save myself.

I know I need to be less dependent on him. Surely it is unhealthy to put your happiness, laughter, life and everything into one person. What did we expect?! Of course the minute they disappear, so will all those things! It’s not healthy!

Mind you, my rational mind is in full blow this evening! Part of the wonderful rollercoaster ride heartbreak has been for me! Sigh..

Shelby,

If it’s any consolation, although it probably isn’t as he isn’t acting on it, please try to remind yourself that he too is going through this in his own way. It may be hard to believe but I am sure that he is struggling too. After all, you were together for some time! Remember that he may also be thinking you’re moving on with your life just fine.. you’re not contacting him & he’s not contacting you! There could be assumptions all round here.

Also, you’re far from desperate. You’re simply in love. And love can make people do crazy things, doing things out of character ways. It is our natural instinct to want to fight for what we love, this is your way of doing it!

I know right now you don’t see the light at the end of the road, I know I don’t even see it myself but we have to presevere.. we simply have to.

You’re hurt right now, and you probably will be for a while longer, but you WILL learn how to go on without him. If not because you want to, then because you need to.

When I was having my low moment earlier on I tried to get back into the book which you recommended me. I find it helps me rationalise my feelings a little, give it a try.

I honestly have no clue. I can’t see a life beyond my ex right now either, as sad as it is.

I’ve thrown myself into cleaning this afternoon trying to keep occupied with anything and everything.

I might have a listen of that!