Shelby,

This is what we are all here for, support and to give a helping hand!

Yes the beginning is always the hardest. I felt isolated and alone and like I mentioned previously I didn’t enjoy anything that I did – but I did it anyway.

Mostly I enjoyed time on my own. Maybe enjoyed is the wrong word but I preferred it anyway because I could wallow in my sadness and pity without anyone watching over at my current state. The one thing that got me through is the idea that he was moving on. I felt I was left with no choice but to do the same so I tried my hardest on a daily basis to remind myself that I must too move on. That it is indeed his loss and not mine because if he can move so quickly and swiftly past me then was it ever worth it in the first place?

It may not feel like it right now but you are doing just fine. You’re doing the best that you can in these circumstances. Sending you lots of virtual hugs today! X

Shelby,

Ah so the temptation finally came through. I’m sorry that you didn’t get the answers you needed or hoped for. Looking at it from a different light though, perhaps you got the closure that you needed?

In the last 5 weeks you haven’t been able to accept this new reality. Perhaps the reiteration that even after some time apart his decision still remains is all the affirmation you need in slowly moving towards acceptance?

When me and my ex first split he was adamant he never ever wanted anymore to do with me. He came across nonchalant and oh so sure of his decision. Although yes we did keep light contact, it was always very blunt, straight to the point and much unlike the man that I loved for 3 years! Yes it broke my heart BUT it also gave me the attitude of ‘well there is not much else I can do. I now literally have no choice but to just get by somehow’. That made things a lot easier for me. The fact that I had no other choice but to continue moving forward is what kept my days flowing. Meaningless yes, but nonetheless flowing.

In a time like this please also try to remind yourself of all the reasons why the relationship did not and would not work going forward. Remind yourself that it is HIS loss, not yours. A quote I very much related to at the beginning is ‘Why should I be sad? I lost someone who didn’t love me. But they lost someone who loved them.’ It may not be applicable in your case but the idea still remains. You lost someone who wasn’t willing or able to progress and build a life with you but he lost someone who sacrificed years of her life utterly dedicated to his needs, wants and most importantly his pace! And trust me, he WILL miss that, probably when it’s alrwady too late but he sure will!

Now having read all of the above I realise I need to actually take my own advice also!

Big hugs going out to you tonight! Xx

Shelby,

Having a good old cry can’t do no wrong! Do it, if you want to cry then cry. If you’re angry shout and scream. You’ve got to let these emotions out somehow, it’s no good keeping them inside.

I hope that your therapy this evening makes you feel a little better.

Don’t worry – i’m back with the motions myself! Feeling upset and tired this afternoon. I want nothing more than for him to come home and we just have a chilled friday night with movies, tea and biscuits like we used to. Then everything will be okay. But it cant happen unfortunately so off I go to deal with the motions!

The up and down is so tiring, I hope the down passes soon!

Shelby,

Well you know what they say, it gets worse before it gets better!

I think unless you’re going through this yourself people don’t quite understand the concept of just functioning. They take that as a sign of moving forward and coping somewhat with life as it is. Your sister also doesn’t see this side of things, the heartbreak and having to pour our hearts out on an online forum because nobody else understands or can relate!

Give yourself a pat on the back for how well you have been doing so far! In the space of 5 weeks you only caved into your need to contact him once! That is amazing progress and much better than mine anyway!

For the time being, keep functioning girl! You’re doing just fine!

Shelby,

Don’t worry you’ll live through it! If I could then so will you!

I had my birthday & then anniversary days later and look at me alive and kicking! Although yes I am not looking forward to Christmas, just so happens its his birthday on Christmas Eve but that’s not my problem 🙂

I’m glad you’ve got the weekend sort of planned away. I’m trying to make some last minute plans myself just so I don’t end up alone and miserable.

He txt me this morning asking if we could meet up this evening. UMM NOPE! Feels like I’ve got deja vu, didn’t he do the exact same after his lads weekend? I’m starting to see the funny side to all this, and even more so I realise how much of a fool I’ve been so I’ve gotta laugh at myself!

Morning Shelby,

Try to look at this way, you most wanna contact him each morning around 4-5am but the likelihood of that is you won’t bwcause it’s an inappropriate time so you win!

How is your anxiety this morning?

Shelby,

I probably do believe that perhaps one day I’ll meet someone else and eventually go on to have a family etc because those things just happen in time naturally right? However, I truly did believe my ex was it for me too.

I have been in a relationship prior to this one for nearly two years and I can hand on heart say that the end of that relationship was nothing like this. To be quite frank, I can’t ever remember being that bothered about it.. Mind you yes I was young, yet at the time I recall it being ‘love’.

When that relationship ended I remember the sense of relief and excitement to go on and explore life on my own. I took a deep journey down the path of ‘self discovery’ and really convinced myself that I will take my time to figure out my life by myself for myself. I knew that I wanted my next one to be my last because that’s just who I am as a person and with that I was prepared to wait forever. I was alone for just over two years and in that time I didn’t date, I was just genuinely so content on my own I really didn’t even like the idea of someone coming along to disturb my peace. Within that two years I also built up a very high expectation of what this new partner is going to be like. Going back to what I previously said, I knew exactly what I wanted and I was in no rush to get it.

And then he came along and exceeded all my expectations. And we truly did have an amazing 3 years together, we really really did. I didn’t think it would ever end. He was my one.

Now looking at it from the other end I can honestly say I’ve completely lost myself in the process. I don’t recognise myself at all and that’s the saddest bit. But the one thing I do realise in all of this is the person that he is right now is not someone that I recognise either. Right now he isn’t the man who came into my life three years ago exceeding all these expectations. I feel that he’s lost himself too in the process of all of this.

As sad as it is, I just don’t think we’ll ever get the happy ending that I was so sure of for all these years. But at the same time I can’t imagine loving anyone ever again. Not like this. It’s impossible.

Regarding your car insurance haha! I renewed mine on my birthday a couple of weeks ago and Iust admit I left my ex on because the price difference was crazy! Oopsie.. he doesn’t need to know eh?! Oh & my pampering session did nothing for me. Even the distractions aren’t doing much right now which is a first and quite worrying.

R&R2018,

Ha! I’ve always wanted to smash some plates when I’m angry but I never got round to it.

Im so angry right now I literally want to cut off all contact. For real this time. He’s outdone himself many times this one’s just another one to add to the list. Is that the behaviour of a man who’s trying to win the love of his life back? I think not.

Thats the joke of it all. I haven’t even let him properly back in and everything I knew was coming happened! I must remind myself to listen to my intuition and gut feeling more often!