@Lucie,

I got your notification so hopefully that has fixed things and I will now know when you guys tag me in posts!

Unfortunately, there’s not much advice that I can offer. Nausea and anxiety are generally just bleh. The main thing to do is to target the anxiety and that in turn should eliminate the nausea – if it is indeed linked. Look after yourself, do breathing exercises. Remind yourself that you are not in danger, that it is just your mind playing tricks on you (I know it isn’t easy, something I still battle with often about the most random of things!)

But it is all a learning curve. Eventually you’ll figure out exactly what works for you. For me it is counting to 10, reminding myself to breathe, trying to be present in the moment rather than letting my mind wander elsewhere and some good guided meditation which you can often find on YouTube, they have some wonderful videos!
Also, journaling!! It is so underestimated. It is such a good release of thoughts, ideas, feelings and anything else that may need release from your mind to paper!

I hope this helps x

@Sammy,

How very sweet of you to look back and put the pieces together. Who would’ve thought a stranger could have such an impact on another.

Thank you so much. I am feeling overwhelmed, overflowing with love and just a whole load of emotions right now. My birthday has definitely been a wake up call and one to remember this year.

Sending you all love, light & strength.

@Shelbyville, thinking of you x

@ Shelbyville,

Dont be silly! Nobody expects a perfect, fairy tale happy ending. I for one am of the belief that life is all round pretty shitty with snippets of happiness… I sound like a real party pooper but it’s my truth anyway! Do fairy tales even exist? Probably not, life is a ‘journey’ haha! I should put a stamp on that word the amount of times I have used that.

I think with the new job prospects and dating and just generally, you are sounding a lot more confident and that ‘comfort zone’ is getting bigger and bigger. Although change will always feel scary, I don’t think you realise just how far you have actually come! The Shelby I know was afraid, this Shelby is shaking BUT still ready to conquer the world – so lovely to see that! My soul is a little lighter hearing from you and how much you are growing and learning and healing!

I think you are right. I think I needed Mr A at the time. Maybe to some extent I always will, after all a lot of history and trauma bonding although beyond comprehension is a real thing. But I am definitely more aware now. I was in absolute despair then. I feel a bit more woke now. So the journey continues.

@Tim oh how I would’ve used and abused that male advice some time ago! I would’ve done anything for a male perspective on things! Nonetheless, thank you very much! Who knows, maybe I will take you up on that sometime 🙂

@Lucie, that definitely does sound like panic attacks. I think therapy was a major major major part of my healing. I didn’t really see it then, and especially not during my therapy as I mostly hit my lowest at that point. You know when they say it gets a lot worse before it can get better? That was me. Therapy was painful – that’s the easiest way to put it. There were times I avoided going and really just wanted to end it there and then because it was too much! I didn’t know how to cope. But I’m grateful I persevered because it really did make a world of a difference and to be honest, saved my life. Therapy taught me how to not avoid my feelings. Because that’s what I did, distracted myself away from the triggers, kept busy, pretended I was okay when really I’d research how to kill myself in the quickest way possible. Therapy made me feel less alone, it gave me the knowledge that I am not the only one suffering. That I’m not actually weird, or broken, and that these are all human responses. It made me love my body and soul for creating these responses with the aim to protect me.  Once I finished therapy I was able to put everything I’ve learnt into practice and that’s actually when the real journey began. Identifying my triggers, learning about myself all over again.
If you read back on some posts you’ll know that sleep was and still sometimes is a major thing for me, that is usually when my flashbacks happen and then I eventually just refuse to sleep to avoid them. I’d rather be exhausted than have my brain exhaust me with painful flashbacks. Whilst I’ve never been on medication and hopefully won’t be in the future, I do take supplements, Serotone 5HTP occasionally, particularly when I’m having a bad ‘no sleep’ episode again and I’ve found them to be really really helpful.

i would really recommend you visit the MYPTSD forum, it was a God send when I couldn’t understand what was happening to me!

@Lucie,

PTSD is an asshole of a disease, if you’ve followed this thread for a while you’ll know that I called it a ‘life sentence’. It really is a completely life altering experience.

Obviously, I don’t know your story, your trauma, how long you have been suffering etc and that’s okay, but what I do know is that from personal experience I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

When I first got PTSD I was in complete denial. I was at the lowest of the low, no longer ashamed to admit that I was very much suicidal for many months. In fact, even though at the time I knew things were awful, it’s only now I look back and notice that my dear friend sacrificed her job and her actual life to actually keep me alive at the time. I was a very lost person, and that’s the best way I can describe it. I literally had no idea who I was anymore. I didn’t recognise myself, my behaviour, my outbursts, why I did the things I did. And in some sense, I’m still lost. I’m still trying to figure it all out, I’m still trying to learn and grow.

BUT, yes there is a but! I am not where I was then, and that in itself is a blessing! And I remember, being the person on the receiving end having had enough, without an inch of belief that it will ever get better, reading all these people advise that it WILL get better and I didn’t believe it. I thought maybe I just didn’t have it in me to get better. But, it does get better.

What once kept me sleepless for weeks on end, now haunts me once every few weeks. The triggers, reminders, actual physical pain, it’s a lot less intense. You really learn about what works and doesn’t work for you.

It is a journey. And one hell of a spiral one at that. There is a lot of pain before there is any form of release, I won’t say happiness as I still haven’t felt this for many years. You have to learn to face your worst nightmares before they no longer hold over your life. Putting boundaries in place. In doing so, you eventually learn to live day by day with this ‘altered life’.

@shelbyville, Dear Friend,

I do hope that you will see this one day. I miss you and your wise words! I hope you are keeping well and seeing better days!

Lots of love! x

@shelbyville & others,

Sorry sometimes it notifies me of your posts and other times it doesn’t! Ah Shelbs, honestly I feel your pain in what you write. I am right there with you. Although I have been so withdrawn from the world recently I want to cry but I can’t. I did get quite ‘drunk’ the other night though having had enough of this whole situation and managed to have a little cry session – great release!

Like you, my mental health is defo taking a toll now with the isolation. I’m completing week two, or is it three? I really can’t remember anymore. Nevertheless, I miss my family so much and wish I was stuck indoors with them. Quarantine life has definitely revealed to me that me & Mr A absolutely cannot share so much time together.
I am counting down the days until this is all over. Until I’m no longer worried for my family. Until I can see them and hug them again. And until I’ve got my freedom back to do what is best for me and to enjoy life the best way I can.

In the meantime we are just going to have to ride this out and support one another.

I hope your test results come back soon and you will have some clarity. I am sending you lots and lots of lots of hugs, and love and light! We’re going to be okay!

@Genie,

Hello my love! You are always always always welcome to post whenever you want! By any means do not apologise at all, it is just my silly PTSD brain which tricks me into certain thought patterns! I am so grateful for this platform and glad that it has given you a space to explore your feelings too 🙂

I haven’t properly caught up on your situation but by the sounds of it there’s a little back and forth at the moment – I know how mind boggling that can be! I hope you figure out a way to do whatever it is that makes your soul happy x

@shelbyville,

Hello Shelbs! Happy Valentine’s Day to you!!

I’m not doing too great, you can probably tell by my complete of lack of communication. That is throughout to be honest, my friends are wondering why I’ve gone awol again too but in all honesty life is just a little much sometimes.
The place I’m working at is extremely demanding and very exhausting mentally.. I found myself the other day having to lock myself in the toilet for a couple of mins at a time for a little breather. Although I couldn’t even get that as I was having terrible flashbacks – ah good old PTSD!!!!! I’ve never had it happen in the day, only at night which would keep me awake all night so this was news to me, I didn’t quite know how to deal with it in all honesty.
To be honest, I’m not good. I’m better than I was yes, but I am not good. I’m not happy. I have no purpose in life, I am floating from one day to the next with no idea where I am going. I’m incapable of making any real choices and decisions around my life. Ugh.

I am currently laying on my sofa watching Netflix with a banging headache whilst drinking a cup of coffee – nothing new this end unfortunately.

how are you? How is the job hunt going?