I’ve never mentioned much about either of our children as to me it’s an absolute given that they were thought about and considered throughout all of this. If there were no children involved we would have been together opening right from the beginning, that I know for sure. But wedo have children, whom we love very much and they have absolutely been thought of and considered. Probably the main reason we are not together now. And yes, I am very judgemental on myself.

Anita

If I’m honest your post sounds a tad judgemental, and like you were suggesting that neither he or I we’re thinking of our children.

The main reason we have gone around in the circles we have for the past 2 years is because we both have children. But actually I don’t think it’s healthy or fair on anyone involved if a couple are to stay together because they have children . especially if they’ve had the capacity to fall in love and maintain a relationship with someone else outside of that partnership.

You suggested that I leave him be so that he can be a good person and that I try and do the same. He is a good person and so am i, together or apart. The guilt stems from hurting people. Nobody likes hurting another person, especially when you care for them. Which we both do, care for our previous partners that is. In answer to your question about him permanently separating from his ex partner, he has. And yes I do believe that’s for the best. Not because I think he should be with me but because one day the children will grow up, leave home and probably realise that the only reason their parents were together was because of guilt. It is possible for children to grow up happy and secure with parents that have separated.

No I wasn’t looking for empathy or for the reasons he left me. I’m aware that only he can tell me that.

He was in a relationship and living with the mother of his children. And yes, she asked him to leave when she found out that we were seeing each other.

Hello. Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply.  The reason he ended our relationship before was a lot to do with guilt, as is the reason again this time. He was challenged by a family member last time, they asked whether in 10 years if he boys asked whether he’d done everything to save his family, would he be able to say yes. His reply was no as he was with me at the time. He then decided that he should maybe try. This didn’t happy and 3 weeks later he told me he’d made a mistake and he wanted us to be together, that he’d never been able to let me go but he just hadn’t had the courage to go for it properly before. But that he was in, 100%. We spoke about how I was scared that he would have second thoughts again and he promised me he would never hurt me in the same way he had before .

He then moved into his new flat, I helped and we had happy times together .His ex partner wanted to introduce the children to his new home slowly so he was still looking after them at his house. He evemeventuhad them over for tea, he had been so excited. I went around the same evening after they had left and he seemed a little quiet. The next morning I asked him what was wrong. We had a mini argument, nothing major, and he ended it. I feel like something happened that night. I know his ex partner was there for part of the time the children were. He’s since said that it keeps popping in his head that us is the reason his family broke up and the reason his children don’t have a dad that lives at home. And that no matter how good things are with us, it makes him feel terrible. He’s never said anything like that before. We’ve spoke a little since we ended. He has now said he doesn’t know if he loves me anymore and feels lost. I’m also feeling lost and devastated. Up until that Friday night there had been nothing to suggest his feelings had changed. I asked him how long he’d felt like this and he said he doesn’t know. I can’t help thinking that something was said that night which has effected him massively. He has massive hang ups on guilt and how other people view him as everyone knows his as such a lovely and good person.