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  • November 20, 2013 at 3:27 pm in reply to: Offensive comments on my looks. Beauty standards and confidence. #45549
    MC
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    I did cry often dating him. He was affectionate and caring… but I couldn’t brush off those comments. Re-reading your post though, the guy I dated did try to make me better about myself afterwards and at least didn’t compare me to other girls, and wouldn’t say things like “if only you looked like ***** then….”, so maybe not AS shallow. But it was still damaging, even if he said he never ever meant to hurt me and now feels bad. The damage is done though, and I always would be scared that he would leave me for a prettier or thinner girl, or would leave if I started to gain weight, or something…. He just put way too much importance on physical appearance if you ask me. He was a bit of a health freak though, maybe that’s why…
    ANyway, I don’t know why I try to make excuses for him… I guess it’s me always seeing the good in everyone even when they hurt me 🙁 Sometimes I wish I wasn’t like that.

    • This reply was modified 11 years ago by MC.
    November 20, 2013 at 3:24 pm in reply to: Offensive comments on my looks. Beauty standards and confidence. #45548
    MC
    Participant

    You are so much better than that shallow guy…. and from your replies, you know real love and beauty. Not superficial beauty.
    He had lots of good qualities and is damaged… Maybe I took some of his comments too seriously. Once I had lost weight he said he thought I looked really good. But I wanted him to like me for my whole package, for who I am, regardless of the few extra pounds. He said he loved so many other things about me and that’s why he stuck around and that the prettier girls aren’t always as kind and smart as me. But I still couldn’t stop thinking about the fact he didn’t like my body, I was scared he would look elsewhere not being satisfied with me…. it crushed me 🙁

    We dated for a few months and we broke up last month. I still cry so much, I don’t even know why I miss him, we did have fun together. But the pressure was just so much… I don’t know who he tried to convince more by saying he wanted me to lose weight for myself, my health, me or himself. I just can’t keep crying as we speak, I’m so confused…. Reading your post just made my heart sink….

    Lol I don’t know why I thought it would have been the same guy…. the story was just so similar… I’m from Canada.

    November 20, 2013 at 11:59 am in reply to: Offensive comments on my looks. Beauty standards and confidence. #45540
    MC
    Participant

    I wish I could ask where you’re from?? (Country and province if you don’t wanna provide the city?)

    November 20, 2013 at 11:56 am in reply to: Offensive comments on my looks. Beauty standards and confidence. #45539
    MC
    Participant

    This sounds EXACTLY like the last guy I recently dated… his standards, the things he said to me, that he also puts a lot of importance on my personality and intelligence or else he wouldn’t be with me, etc. The ressemblance is SO striking I’m actually wondering if it’s the same guy!! I was also VERY hurt. Unfortunately I kept on dating him, but I always felt SO insecure, my self esteem got so low dating him, that it drove us apart. My insecurities turned him off. But I should have walked away right there and then, when he started talking that way to me. He said he liked me and that he wanted to keep dating me because of my personality, but that he wasn’t all that attracted to my body (I’m not that fat at all, mind you). I never should have accepted that kind of thought. I wish someone else could tell him that he’s superficial (he tries to convince himself he isn’t, because he says he also puts much importance on intelligence and personality…”

    Anyway, he ended up breaking my heart. And now I have to find self confidence again. It was so wrong……

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