Anita,

You are very accurate on this and I even said the same thing last night (about assertiveness) when he was angry about doing “A” with the family, but never expressed that he wanted to do “B” instead.

I’ve come to a similar conclusion about his statements/actions. It is painful because he is so very intelligent, and this is inaccurate thinking on my part, but he should be able to rationalize his feelings and find a better solution if he doesn’t want to damage the relationship. I know that’s not the case when old habits, behaviors and fears aren’t addressed in a person’s past issues. His emotional intelligence is almost selective – he touches my heart when he picks up beautiful moments and emotions, but his EI is not developed as much as it could be (overcoming old fears, habits, ego, etc.) because he stuffs his feelings down until the “tantrum” shows up. In the past, I think he just did what worked to suit him – it was always on his terms, or he was alone the rest of the time. I see so much potential in him and he says he wants to be a better person. He has expressed that I’m helping show him things like forgiveness, selflessness, positive instead of negative, etc. but it is draining at the same time for me to balance his dark moods when I’m already juggling a full time career and two kids. I’m hopeful, and I’m looking for ways to help him, but also stay healthy myself too. I don’t want to walk away from this, but setting healthy boundaries are important to me.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 5 months ago by Krista.