I gravitated to this topic because I have a brother who’s getting married at a destination wedding and I, to the tisk-tisking head-shaking disappointment of some family members, have decided not to go. My anecdote is not to distract from yours but to show you the levels of awful a sibling can be and how I dealt with mine — maybe you will even appreciate yours more after hearing this. My brother fathered a child 12 years ago and now refuses to have anything to do with her. When she turned 9 she asked to meet her family. My brother refused but my parents and I agreed and she came over and I’ve had a relationship with her ever since. Her mom is a drug addict and homeless (a grandmother cares for her during the week. When not with me, she spends weekends in hotels and storage rooms and her case is under Protective Services investigation). Meanwhile my brother makes $300k + a year and does zero for his girl. On the occasions it has come up, he tells me simply I should stay out of “his business” — our parents have taken his side. (No doubt she is his, by the way. DNA proof.) The mother is too incompetent to seek financial support from him. I am the only one in our family who does anything for the kid. Meanwhile my brother is planning an island wedding with his second wife …expects me to go … is in utter denial about his behavior and everyone else in the fam just enables it. What is your sister like as a person? What sort of life does she lead? Sometimes we hurt the people we love the most because we take them for granted. Have you tried telling her sincerely your feelings? In my case, my absence from my brother’s wedding is an opportunity to make a statement — I do not support his behavior. Is that how it is for you? Do you really want to miss the wedding or do you hope your absence will send a message you’ve been trying all these years to get across? Maybe you could get it across more straightforwardly. Maybe give the talk a chance before ruling out the wedding. When you are old, memories of family gatherings will be important to you. Time with family, as much as they sometimes upset us, is valuable. You might regret missing out if you don’t have to. Even in my case, even as bad as my brother is, I still love him and still have a relationship with him, because he is my family. I have learned, and it has been hard, that denying love/un-forgiveness hurts YOU/ME and not the other person. That’s what you have to figure out. You can disapprove of someone’s behavior and even refuse interaction with him/her without withholding love. Get that idea solidified in your heart and the proper actions will follow.