I think I missed out on having a fulfilling childhood. Most people, if you asked them, would say that they wished they could go back and I don’t. Where I am right now is so much better than where I ever was.

I feel like I missed out on sports and engaging with others as a child. My mom would put on VHS tapes for me and my sister and when one movie would end she would put in another. So I was always sheltered. I did go to public school which did expose me to other people, but I didn’t get a push from my parents. I wanted my parents to show me what it meant to be a woman, or show me how I should carry myself but they weren’t able to do that for any of my siblings. I was literally raised by the TV and had to raise myself in a way. I remember them fighting and when I was vocal about how I felt I was punished, so being in front of a tv, not engaging with others felt safe for me then.

I love my parents, they are my #1’s and I feel like we have grown together because they aren’t so much like the people they once were. But when I think too long about childhood experiences I just go back to my bedroom and I wonder if I would have made the choice to be a gymnast would things have been a little different.

My dad had to move to Oklahoma for police training when i was younger and I’m pretty sure she had to support the family more than she usually had to. I remember one of the workers at the gymnasium explaining the price of being a member, for leotards, etc.. But what I vividly remember was my mom’s face and she just looked stressed. I’m the youngest of 3 girls also and I think there was alot on her plate because she wasn’t as happy as she is now.

That makes a lot of sense. And yes I am interested. I don’t know if I want to be in a relationship with him or just get to know him. But it definitely sounds nice just going out for coffee or tea and getting to know him. Thanks so much. But does this not mean that I’m afraid of commitment, because I feel like I shouldn’t be this hesitant and my peers aren’t as hesitant as I am to be in a relationship?