Hi Anita,

He’s very attractive amazing brown eyes and brown curly hair, my mom said the same thing as you that women wants to be with him. He not nervous or anything around her, i think i get so jealoux because she is so beautiful. We have the same eye colour and hair colour and I can’t help compare myself, my own insicurities gets triggered. I know that beauty doesn’t mean you are interested. I have been hanging out with a guy from work he is like a brother to me, he’s very handsome a people thought we were dating because of it, but we are just friends.

Yes he is leaving soon, but it’s hard for me to see them together at work because i don’t have control over it like if they like each other and can’t change that. He’s always around other women not, he will even walk up and have his Tea with female guests that made me jealoux too, he will join them (the three aussie girls) during his break if he sees them but never did that with me.

Hi Tee,

It happened when he was talking to me.

A little bit. It feels like i overstepped a boundary but I know i didn’t i become very avoident when i like someone so i know i didn’t.

And now i have to deal with jealousy as well he came 15 min early and had his Tea with the pretty girl and her friend. You could tell she likes him she sat right next to him and had her body turned to him the whole time, he was talking to the girl in front of him until she left and then it was just the two of them. I know he is free to be with whoever he wants to be with but I really really don’t want to see it happen right infront of me.

It’s so hard keeping Faith I’m 33 and all i had was two months with someone. I so torn right now.

Hi Anita,

It feels good to hear that I can be a bit of help too, Espicially with the amount of posts I have been making seeking help.

Hi Tee,

The girls found out about my birthday the day before, and that’s when they invited me along. It was very relaxing they took some coke but didn’t drink a lot because they were saving themselves for the 24 hour rave party the following day.

Yes, this compromise has serve me really well, I get to show my face and spend some time with my collegues but still getting my rest. It also helps me not feeling like a buzzkill being always being the one to go home first.

He did come over and had a chit chat, came over from reception just to show me he had fake snow in his pocket (from a privat party we had start december) he talks a bit more when we are alone, talking without actually saying anything. If there’s more people around then he will talk to them and not me (just what I am doing with him) like he did that day talked with the boy and the girl next and not me. At least he looked at me and nodded, and when he left the office he was looking over at me, so he is always making eye contact so that’s good.

Well I called it a housewarming in front of him that was just a test to see if he would react to it. I’m a very private person and has never done a housewarming before (always assumed that people would’nt care about it) X and Y was just curious to see my place (I was the first one who moved out of the hostel) It was on the day of X’s first housewarming The guy had been up all night only slept two hours, asked me when we were alone that I should bring a few people with me back to the hostel so we could party together (he had the late shift finished at 11 pm) then when we were all standing in reception before going to her house together he started talking to me, sounded disapointed that he couldn’t go so I told him she was doing another one he didn’t say anything, Then I said I was doing one which he imediately replied Your doing a housewarming? I’m coming to that one! The next morning he asked if I ever came back to the hostel when I say no he wanted to know why. He seem very keen on several occasions that he really wanted to be there. He’s a party person and I told him more than once that it wasn’t gonna be a big party like X’s cuz didn’t want him getting disapointed expecting a big party and then it’s only four people drinking with no music. So not like a proper housewarming more like a small gathering at my house.

His birthday was after the yoga session on a Sunday where I was working. He invited another guy from work (my close friend) and he doesn’t even remember his name, his memory is worst than any person I’ve met. Couldn’t even remember Y’s name after knowing her for three months, or a girl from work even though he had her Instagram, why I got so surprised that he remebered which way (station) I had to go to to get home the day he asked me to the pub. He then celebrated his actual birthday in the café two meters away from me with a guy friend and later his brother, they don’t make us work on our birthdays. I felt a bit awkward having him that close (like always I was afraid of making a fool of myself or something) But I definitly see that feeling of being excluded is a wound that is very big to me. I have lost count of how many times I have been excluded from the group by my peers and I turned that inward as a I’m not good enough otherwise they wouldn’t treat me this way.

I felt very excluded by not being invited. X and Y are my primary group of friends at work and same for him. We all started by going to a pub together where the guy had other plans but ended up staying with us longer when his friends were actually waiting for him. That day he looked at me and said that This has been fun we should do this again to which I agreed. The time after that we went to a pub after work (he wasn’t there) They were gonna go back to work and continue there I was a bit tired so went home. Then my former roommate who worked the bar wrote me, well guess who is at the bar right now? drinking with X and Y, I felt angry with myself that I had gone home, cuz I really did wanted to stay was just a bit tired. After that it was just then going out, to festivals and in the bar and I felt like I wasn’t really part of that group anymore. The day before my housewarming Y asked me if I was going to the bar I said no I’m gonna go home and clean a bit, then at my housewarming found out that the all partied in the bar together, and they were all talking about it making me feel left out. Had I known he would be there I would have joined, could have helped ease my anxiety hanging out with them as a group before hand. So I feel excluded and betrayed extremely easy. Like when my former roommate didn’t tell me that he came to the bar and asked about me. To this day I’m still curious was it bad or good? why didn’t he tell me?

Your totally right. I shouldn’t give any personal details to my sister. When I couldn’t come to the christening one of the things to threw in my face was that I had joined the staff party (my parents told her) This was my first staff party having worked all the rest so didn’t want to miss another one. And I only stayed like 3 hours because I was heartbroken and didn’t like seeing him dancing with X and Y. Minimum contact is better for my health.

sorry for ayet another loong post. I’ve read that overexplaining is a trauma respons maybe that’s why I feel it important to give as many details as possible.

Hi Tee,

Happy New Year and thanks for your birthday wishes.

Well there wasn’t any need for me to be nervous since it was just me, X, Y and the new girl that I had a coffee date with. Two of the boys from work ended up not joining because of their work schedule, and the cute guy didn’t come cuz he knew that if he started drinking he wouldn’t stop and the girls and him and one of his friends were gonna go to a rave party the next morning so it was a very calm New Years’ Eve party.

I have been staying for a drink after work a couple of times talking to whoever collegues are there and will keep up doing it. I’m only staying for an hour or so so I can still get my rest (have been working ten days in a row) but being social for even just a little bit is doing me good. Two days ago I did just that and I felt my anxiety kick in when the cute guy came up after his shift ended and started talking to the guy next to me (collegue) that I was in a conversation with, then he started standing close to my back talking to the girl who took over from my shift (the very pretty one I mentioned before) He didn’t talk to me but when he said goodbye to them he did look at me and nod, so he wasn’t completely ignoring me (but still feels hard), still only talks to me when we are alone. But I managed to keep my anxiety at a level and not long after I felt completly fine so the more situations I have like this where I can keep my anxiety from exploding the better.

Reagrding my sister it took a really long time before I realised I didn’t do what I was accused of. It was hard not to believe it since it was my own sister and one of my best friends so I thought it must have been true back then.

Yes she is unfortunatly showing a lot of narcissitic traits and everything starting to fall into place. Seeing things more clearly and that I’m not as bad as a person. Writing and reading the past couple of posts about my sister makes me realise that my very strong reaction in regards to not being invited to the guys birthday party isn’t so weird at all. I’ve felt very ashamed of reacting that strongly emotionally to not being invited cuz I didn’t feel I had a right to do so. He wasn’t in any obligated to invite me even if I invited him to my place. But I can now show myself more self compassion of my reactions because now I think that it totally makes sense since they were my primary group and I felt excluded.

I will definitly spend a minimum time with my sister, it’s better for my health. Luckly with my nephew there’s something to talk about to keep focus away from me and my life which is probably better.

Hi Tee,

Actually in the post feeling betrayed I was indeed talking about my sister and not a friend. I was too a shamed to say that it was my sister saying that, because at that time I still thought that we were so close so if she said I did it I must have done it. I was really confused especially since the girl believed it (she’s the one with bpd and the one who called me being angry) I even started thinking maybe I did do it cause why would they say it. I only had two friends at that time (apart from my sister) the one with bpd that I no longer talk to and my best friend (the one who always told me my sister was out of line) This all happened on my 30th birthday ( I am extremely sensitive on that particular day) and I was already exhausted coming home on holiday after been working three jobs abroad to keep myself above water.

They became best friends due to this lie. My sister would even bring her gifts from helping her with her computer but never said a simple thanks to me or my parents for putting aside our lives helping her out. It still hurts thinking about it.

At least the past weeks been going better. X and Y even invited me to join their New Year’s Eve party which I agree to. I’m gonna be very nervous, I’m arriving later than the others (something I always hated I need to be the first one there) I don’t know who or how many will be there so it will be challenging, but hopefully a good one!

A very happy New Year to you!

Hi Tee,

Merry Christmas.

Sorry for my very late reply but haven’t been able to catch my breath yet.

Yeah my mom said you know her, she just need someone to take her anger out on and I remember thinking that’s not okay. That’s not how you treat people. So still a lot of excusses unfortunatly. At least it’s getting better.

Your right she does have a lot of narcissistic tendencies. And it’s hard because there’s good days too and then you kinda forget about the bad days, your just hoping that you can get back to the good times. But she has hurt me so much, and there’s a lot of grief in that, expecially not having anyone to defend you only myself. Reading back the last couple of posts I realised that me reacting soo strongly to not being invited (and still does hurt) to the guys birthday makes sense. My sister has excluded me several times and it got triggered because they were my primary group of friends and I was the odd man out. I remember that during the pandemic her and her boyfriend would drive the two hours to my parents (where I was living at home, after losing my job and everything) and say hi to us and then go for lunch at a girls house that I am no longer friends with because of my sister telling lies about me. Being exluded by the two of the closests people in my life (only had two friends and my sister back home) and for them to become best friends because of my sisters lies about me is so hurtful I can’t explain it. And seing my sister open a present from her on Christmas eve did hurt, but I maneged to not get too emotional.

It’s been getting better my dad even took my side when she got angry about the christening, but it’s obviously doesn’t erase what happened.

Christmas Eve went way better than I thought. My sister behaved very well (probably because we were talking about her and the baby most of the time) any time something about me came up she didn’t react she just changed the subject. But still way better than being under attack. Her boyfriend even looked me in the eye and hugged me goodbye, that’s a first!

Things have been going well the past week.

The cute guy have been smalltalking with me and I didn’t get too anxious which is good. I have been going out with my collegues and asked them to do stuff with me and not only did they say yes, but also came up and said that we need to find a date. That means a lot to me, I am used to be the one asking and then asking again to make it happen, so now I know that they really do want to spend time with me, and it’s a lot of different groups of people so that makes me very happy!