Hi Tee,

Me too I’m glad that they are understanding to my situation.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Yes he is the head chef and the people there are agency workers so they aren’t hired by the company like I am. Only now that someone spoke up, she is also being harassed by my manager. So much bad stuff happening.</p>
Yeah I know I doged a bullet by not being with him, but it’s hard when you like someone you know is bad for you. I can still get mad at him for the way he’s acting. Like he wanted to to pass through first (like a gentleman) but then he’ll walk up to the person I’m talking to but not talk to me (still) no problem being psycically close or keeping eye contact. Such a weird behaviour I never expected him to act this way, I hate that I still react to him luckly I’m reacting less and less and ido hope that he won’t change his mind and is still going abroad. Would make it a lot faster to completly forget about him. And like they say for every rat you see there’s 50 you don’t.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>He’s so nice. I do remember thinking when he started working here that if nothing happens with the cute guy then this guy seems really nice. We are gonna plan to go out and do something when our schedule allow it and I’m really looking forward to it. Even some colleagues have started asking about us.</p>
I will continue to look for a therapist and I will finish reading the book Pete Walkers book about Complex PTSD.

Hi Tee,

It’s been mental. It was a guest from the party that stabbed another guests from the sound of it. They won’t give a lot of details but police were there when my collegue came to work the next day. Those private events are not gonna be anymore they have had a lot of issues with them before. My manager got punched in the face but is okay given the circumstaces. We have had a lot of stuff happening before (we have more than 900 beds) someone overdosed last summer, people getting arrested for fights but I have been lucky that I wasn’t there when it happen (usually happens later in the night after I have left)

The cute guy is not one of them, but from the sound of it he and my collegue aren’t a thing anymore. Yes unfortunatly he is (the other guy) he’s mid 20s so a bit younger than me and he’s nearly walked out a couple of times because he won’t risk his mental health over it witch I completely understand. I hope that it will have consecvenses for the him, he’s always been like this and will never change (he has his own issues and mental health problemes)

Yes, exactly I’m gonna start working on that asap.

Yes. I still get a bit nervous around him, especially that day cuz he wasn’t on the work schedule so didn’t expect him to be there. But I’m glad that I managed to not give in to my anxiety and just stare at my phone.

I was just really surprised because I had no idea that he likes me that way. He said that he respects our friendship and understand if I don’t want to take it further but if I want to date him now or in the future to let him know. I have been aprehensive about it because we are friends and if it doesn’t work out you could potentialy loose a friend. At least with the cute guy there was a distance. But the thought of dating him has crossed my mind so we will see.

I haven’t been to therapy after being diagnosed. A couple of months after I moved abroad again and as much as I would love to start therapy it’s expensive and hard to find a good match. I did do some session about tapping to help ease my anxiety, craniosakral therapy and hypnotherapy for my sleep issues but hasn’t helped as much as I would have liked.

Hi Tee,

Yes I definitly need to trust my instict more, and stop listening to bad advice. All the cliches I’ve heard like if it’s meant to be it will be, always caused a lot of harm because that’s something outside of my control. I need to deal with my anxiety, disorganised attachment, fear of intimacy, low self worth and self sabotaging behaviour. Only then will I be able to have a healthy relationship with another.

Start with what you were saying. Exposure therapy, trying to stay and not just run away.

I talking about this has given me soo much perspective on my patterns, my mom send me a link to a therapist over here and she sounds really good. Been on tv and worked with Tony Robbins but I’ts really expensive so I have to save up.

Weird thing that happened. My friend (the one the cute guy invited to his birthday but couldn’t remember his name) told me he wants to date me. Apparently everybody at work think we are dating, and he is interested. Didn’t see that one coming. We have been working together (he’s a chef in the café) since June and he’s never flirted with me or anything like that. He also said that in his culture they don’t beat around the Bush and tell someone straight away, so that took me completly off guard.

Hi Tee,

Yes, I just feel like it’s written on my face plus people always told me if i guy likes you would know but I’m always in doubt. Like with the guy last year, he was in the top bunk i was in the bottom one and I would put up a towel to get more privacy he came up and told me that he could ask in reception for another one as to help me. They told me that he did it because he liked me, but he was a gentleman so i didn’t think too much of it.

I don’t avoid eye contact when they are speaking directly to me, but if in a group i tend to avoid eye contact with the one i like (same as the guy from the hostel does) i go go over to them and start conversations, and if i see them in the bar i go home because of my anxiety. I’ll reply when spoken to but I keep my distance. Like when he kept saying but who is gonna pour me a beer? I felt that by waiting the 30 min he would figure out i did it because of him and he would see me as clingy, but looking back waiting to go with two colleagues to go to the same party wasn’t gonna make me look clingy or weird.

Yes I definitly see a pattern. It was so weird that it’s easier to be close to someone you don’t have feelings for than someone i like. But yeah now i can start to break this pattern and I didn’t realise that I already did 🙂

Hi Tee,

I mean he was less awkward in the first two months, he was indicating that he wanted to spend time with me, but never actually asked. Like always asking me when i would finish work (same time as him) then he was about to ask something then he would stop himself. He did that a lot so i was always left wondering what he wanted to say. Once he sounded cocky, he was alone dealing with a huge group and it seemed like he was boosting a bit, later found out that he really can’t handle the groups it’s too much for him. He would talk to me but without actually saying anything. That changed the moment he asked me to go to the bar with him. I indicated that i liked spending time with him when i asked about him teaching me karate. When talking to other women he is using the same tone of voice and he can look them in the eye. When i told some of my colleagues about it they were surprised cuz they didn’t notice anything from my behaviour. I become very avoident to the people i am atracted to which i need to learn how to deal with. I know now that it’s not social anxiety but a fear of vulnerbility that triggers my anxiety, and a fear of rejection. I’m fine until it gets to close. Same happened with the good guy last year it was easy until he got too close then my defense mechamism can in and I had to force myself not to run away, it was really hard at first but then it be came the best thing.

He called them baby (part of his culture) but didn’t flirt with them. He used to call his x girlfriend princess. I wasn’t into him at first, i had my eye on another guy but he didn’t give me anything back so i didn’t think more of it. It wasn’t until they boys in the Kitchen told me that he kept talking about me all the time, they thought he was a little in love with me. Asking them if they thought he had a change and if scandinavian women prefer exotic men. He told them that one day he would take me out on a date, I also overhead some conversations where they were trying to get him around a lot of beautiful single women but he said no he had one women on his mind. Lot’s of stuff like that, but my colleagues (men) came to me that he liked me, and they were getting a little tired of hearing him taking about me.

Hi Tee,

I agree, being with him wouldn’t have been a good idea there wouldn’t have been any guarantee that he wouldn’t have cheated when drunk or high, and from the sound of it he’s still doing it even though he just started seeing this girl. Her affection towards him was very clear based on her position he was not showing any emotion probably because they were at work. He was only facing and talking to the girl in front of him and only started talking to the girl after her friend left. She was also the one who kept asking him to join for drinks, and she was the one who wanted him to join for drinks the day that he just nodded to me. This was the thing i feared not being with him is bad enough but knowing that this girl is getting what i want is the worst.

I gonna try not to expect things from him, he been weird around me almost the entire time we’ve known each other he wont change around me now. There’s clearly something that makes him react like this only he knows the real reason why. It hurts and I know this will take time, I’m counting down to him leaving then it will be a lot easier. I barely see him at work he only works three days a week now (has been since septemper) and sometimes he has been working on days I have been off work.

Hi Tee,

It could be. I’m still the only woman that he treats this way and we do a lot of the same things. I have it easier being with someone i don’t have feelings for because they can’t hurt me the same way. Like i been doing hook ups (never went the whole way) with men at it felt easy, then with the guy i was with earlier last year i paniced i knew that he was the right person to go all the way with but my body just froze and worked against me. It’s not logically making sense.

Well people called him a player because he would get super drunk and then fool around with women only to not want more from them but players don’t need alcohol to bewuth women. My colleague who just told that he and that girl are a thing goes out with him and x and y and she says he is charming and flirts around. Like her behaviour today gave it away but he was treating her the same way he acts around any other women, No nerves or anything. She was asking him to join us but he want to (the day he briefly looked at me and nodded) and last friday when she was asking him to go to the pub he said yeah alright i’ll message you, No emotions, but apparently the did get really drunk and flirting at the Christmas party. She’s lovely i like her but she’s only 21 and a bit more young and naiv.

Iyou are right. I take on too much resposibility for other people emotions and him being weird around me and if they are gonna be a couple then he should talk to me like a friend.