I see your point. I really don’t like parties in that sense. Going to a bar for a drink in a smaller group and music that’s not too loud i fine. But the real parties are something they like and I really don’t know what to do with myself in that settings.

I hope so. They are all party people i am not. I always go home early and don’t drink s lot. I always feel weird in party settings, like i don’t fit in. And they have been going to stuff with his friends without me before do it’s nothing new. But it really hurts. I am still the one being treatet different the others by him. I am a 99% sure now that his behaviour towards me is a fear of intimacy and not a sign of me bring friend zoned. I was worried that him starting to call me by nickname after my house party was possibly a sign of me being friend zoned. But if that was the case why didn’t he invite me along. We still talk together well, and the message he send me last about the anxiety, he was very caring in that,even though i have treatet him very bad at times. So hopefully it’s not a sign of me being excluded

So my girlfriends are invited ti his birthday party in a couple of days and Im not invited. This hurts like hell. I know they have been seeing each other as a group, and they are all party people. But when they get drunk they get very friendly with each other and it makes me so jeloux. My guy colleague says that they are just really good friends, but I feel really like the odd man out and it really hurts.

Yes exactly! I rather try it out and have it be not what i imagen, then being in this what could have been. Also just getting the fun times with intamicy and dating experiencese before that bad stuff. I rather have the fun stuff then loose it then just the pain without the good stuff.

That’s why losing the guy earlier this year wasn’t as hard. Because we had the best time together and made so many memorices. Nobody can take that away from me i will always cherish it. But losing something good when you just feel it’s about to get good. That’s a pain that’s horrible for me to deal with.

So i wrote him and he replied hey kat don’t worry about it. He talked about how he also deals with anxiety and that i definitly should try a turkish restaurant and that i will love it. He was very understanding so that’s good.

There is a chance that he lost interest and he did say that he gets sick of people and places fast, but based on his behaviour which is exactly the same as me. He got too close i shut down i got closer to him the more awkward and nervous he be came. We act very similar so i think there is some truth to the whole if you are emotional unavailable you atract emotional unavailable people.

When he first started working here he wasn’t nervous around at all and neither was i. I started getting awkward when he asked me to go to the bar for the first time, same time i started getting extremely anxious because now i had feelings for him and didn’t want to risk being rejected.

And the first time we worked together after the date, he covered my break, a man asked me to join him which i did. He had his back turned to me the entire time, he has never done that before always faces front.

And my make colleague (who knows him) says that he got very loud as to indicate I’m here now, when he saw us talking.

I need to focus on the fact that I’m not crazy for thinking that he liked me, there’s just too many signs that he was interested and that he wasn’t like this with other women. Something i always makes sure to look out for, because you always treat the person you like different. My male colleague told me he saw a lot of similaries between the cute guys behaviour towards me and the way he was acting with his now girlfriend (she also works here)

I know that i myself kept bolting whrn guys got close even though i really liked them. That’s why I basically had to force myself to be with the guy earlier this year. I didn’t know how to deal with letting someone close, but Im glad i did because after a while it be came the best thing i have ever had. But it also took me a lot of self awareness that i can’t keep doing the same thing and expect a different result.

I definitly need to trust my gut feeling that he was interested and that I’m not crazy and read him wrong. Everybody is under the same impretion people that know him and you and Tee that doesn’t.

My other guy colleague said, that guy is all over the place (referring to his mental health) so i think i should try and not take this too personally. My worth us not determen by if a man is with me or not.

Hi Anita,

That’s true. I don’t think that he will ask me out after it. But it’s gonna be a very good learning experience for me. Also i see a lot in my behaviour that i need to change whrn it comes to dating. Which is really good, because if i don’t know what to change then it’s impossible to change. I can tell myself if I csn do this then I can be very proud of myself. I know now that a relationship is more than two people liking each other, and both of us have a bagage with us that makes this even harder. And really it’s a compliment to him, and who doesn’t like compliment right?

My struggle is i want to be direct about my feelings about him over the many monthd, but giving him space to come to me. Like i want him to know that i won’t reject him if he makes a move, I don’t want to spook him. My friend asked me (when i asked him about the karate date) if i was sure that he knew that it was me asking him out on a date. I then told him how much i was looking forward to it and that i really like his company, his reply got shorter. Like he it was getting too close. I am afraid of making him bolt. Because that’s what I do when a guy i like is too direct, i panic a bit. I wanna make sure there’s space for him to come to me, so to avoid him shut ting down. If that makes sense.