Mark,

I am still friends with Amanda but I don’t think she is ever going to be close with me again while dating her boyfriend. I can just tell she doesn’t really care for me as much as she used to. I can reconnect with Anna but the situation is kinda complicated. All of my current “fake” friends hate Anna because she did something morally wrong. I was the only one who was willing to be friends with Anna after she did this bad thing but everyone started accusing me of being a bad person for still caring for her. I guess they saw it as me supporting someone who would do something like that (yeah… what she did was bad). This was a while ago and at the time I was unsure of what to do… so I dropped contact with Anna along with everyone else. On top of all my friends hating her, my controlling boyfriend didn’t want me to be friends with her either. So if I reconnect with Anna (which I am greatly considering because I miss her a ton) I will lose all my friends and my boyfriend. But I don’t think any of my friends or my boyfriend actually care about me so maybe that won’t be a bad thing. Maybe I should just reconnect with her and do what I want and if everyone ditches me for it will show their true colors.

To add on…. hanging out with my boyfriend has been the only thing that has felt like hanging out with Amanda and Anna. And even though I am no longer friends with Anna, I am still friends with Amanda but it is no longer a meaningful friendship. I haven’t hung out with her in months. Her total personality is different as well. She isn’t as fun as she used to be.

I remember being a super outgoing girl with lots of friends and now I am so isolated I hate it. But when I am in social situations, all I want to do isn’t be by myself now. I don’t even have the same personality that I did before. I used to be so loud and talk easily and whatever. Now I’m awkward and reserved and seem like I want to leave.

Anita and Eliana,

He is just controlling. He acts like he owned me, could decide who I could and couldn’t talk to and what I did. He would force me to do things for him. He is controlling and I always just put up with it because he is my first love and I really don’t know better honestly. He has always been like that but about 2 weeks ago I told him “I’m unhappy being controlled like this so I’m leaving” and he kept begging and begging and told me he’d change. I understand how hard it is for people to change so I said “I don’t even think you realize how to change” but he kept on promising to change. So I gave him a chance and he was really good. He was really attentive to my feelings and I finally felt happy with him. Then all this happened with his mom and I am currently on vacation with my family so I am apart from him. I can slowly feel the relationship turning back into what it was before and I’m not sure what to do. Honestly deep down I don’t think he will ever be capable of the change I want because he is controlling with everything in his life. I really realized the relationship was going back to what it was before when my boyfriend and I got into a fight last night. 2 weeks doesn’t seem long a long time but for those 2 weeks I was feeling like myself and I was happy with him and we hadn’t fought at all.

Also Anita,

i asked my boyfriend to clarify her message as I was suprised that she said “I do not want to see either of you” but he said he doesn’t know what she means and that she’s crazy. I have no idea what to do in this situation. I don’t know what is happening. Does his mom hate me? Or does his mom simply not want us going over as she is mad at him (and not me)? Why did his mom say those things about me earlier about being Jewish? Is it because she is beginning to express her dislike for me? I feel like I’m being put in the middle of their fight. Should I just ignore this and wait until they get along again? Will she like me again after they stop fighting? I’m left very confused.

Urooz:

I agree, I may be asking for too much. I will talk to him about the other things. I honestly am in just a crisis with myself and the people around me. I feel such pressure from my boyfriend and friends. My boyfriend doesn’t like my friends, and my friends also do not like my boyfriend. They act like he doesn’t care for me. I mean, I believe he cares for me. I don’t know if my friends are real friends because they do not help me with my problems. Instead, they talk about them to each other behind my back. Like, a lot of things I feel as though they do not understand. Like to me, it is waaay more complicated than “you guys have so many problems, just break up” you know? I love him and as far as I know… he loves me. They think I am stupid for being with him. I just do not feel supported, it sucks. But that is another problem I guess. To them, this progress means nothing. To them, when I say this, their answer is “if you have to tell him how to treat you right, then you probably shouldn’t be with him”

I do not need approval from my friends but as a person who is very open with everyone close to me, I hate being judged and misunderstood.

Another thing: he really isn’t that manipulative honestly. Sometimes he can be. So far with his attention to my feelings, he has not been manipulative. I feel as though using the words “manipulative” did not describe him well. He is just controlling.

Dear Anita:

I realized that this was just 1/100 instances where my boyfriend was not faithful. Honestly, that is the least of my problems. I probably will never know what happened with this girl. I have talked to him recently about this and he explained everything. It made sense. This problem is the least of my worries now, I am not worried about it. What I am worried about is that he is abusive emotionally and I have been dealing with it for 2 years. Please help me. I broke up with him today (kinda). I have never really realized my worth before until now, but I understand there really is no changing an abusive guy unless he chooses to change and that I also do not deserve this. I simply told him, “I love you but I can’t keep doing this.” and I explained that I have tried everything but I can’t stay if I am unhappy. He really seems to not be understanding me. I didn’t expect him to understand. Now I am going through extreme heartbreak. I was fine earlier as I felt powerful and finally felt I knew the truth about myself but I just woke up from a nap and reality is starting to kick in. Part of me feels as though he will change when he realizes I am gone for good, for some reason I am holding on to that hope that we still have a future because he will change. There is a reason I always post on this site (and others) and it is because I love him and I am trying to make it work. I read articles, talk to counselors, I just wanted it to work but it is not going to. I just need some advice. Sorry if I sound all over the place because my mind is. I just need some words of advice to keep from feeling the depression that comes with losing him. I just wish he would change for me but that’s not for me to decide.