Maggie, thank you for your reply! You caught be while I was writing my previous message 🙂

We actually had a heart-to-heart conversation a couple of days ago. We discussed EVERYTHING. And it was funny because we went through all the things that we should’ve talked about during the relationship in order to make it work, but just a little too late I guess. Especially after this talk I had the feeling like it still wasn’t over between us, because I feel like we had reached a whole new level of intimacy. But I think it’s also because he said some things that really struck me, saying how he also wanted to make it work, me being his exact type, regrets etc.

But right now I need to let the situation be what it is. He’s not the type to really open up, and he didn’t seem to want to see things further. He admitted that there was something holding him back as well, comparing me to his ex-girlfriend etc, but for now we can’t reverse back the clock and change something. it needs time. And even though we will stay close friends and it’s true that things might be different if we would’ve both been more vulnerable, I also have to move on from the relationship. I can’t keep hoping to make it better by being more vulnerable when he doesn’t show me his vulnerability either (I think this was also a problem). And because he’s not very in contact with his emotions, he wants to make a rational decision and make a clear cut, I am not in the position to try to change his mind. Who knows, maybe someday we will both be able to show our vulnerability, but for now it will just have to be as friends. But at least I now know how important it is to open and be okay in being fragile and imperfect.

THANK YOU ! thank you for all your responses and for the support 🙂 Feels really good to hear from people that have the capability to put theirselves in my situation or actually are in my situation. It’s incredible but I already feel lighter from the past because of your lovely comments. So really, thank you !

you’re both absolutely right of course. Even when I was writing the original message I felt I already knew what I should do, it just came to me as I was writing and your responses definitely confirm that. I have now given the bag full of his stuff to a friend who doesn’t mind storing it for me for when he comes for it or when we’ll just throw it away. It’s true that it represents all the emotional baggage that he left and I’m happy to say that I no longer hold on to it. Time to move on !

Matt you really are a legend ! Always know the right things to say ! It is true that I have been attached to the positive sides of the relationship, not seeing the whole picture clearly. I like how you said that we should act out of authenticity, spot on ! For weeks I’ve been struggling with whether I should contact him or not, I think that’s evidence that it wouldn’t be an authentic move, otherwise I would’ve done it easily, it isn’t inspired action.

Bernadette I’m glad you shared your experience, and you have no idea how good it is to hear from someone who’s been there that the pain does go away. And I complitely agree, this man hurt me before, and it was way worse than this time, and even then I was able to bounce back. Life goes on and we always get something better in return, nothing’s really lost 🙂