Hi Leke,

Wow I feel like I have a lot to say and am enjoying sharing our experiences together.
Michael had mentioned following the true intent you hold for yourself and without this you fail to find worth in self expression and receiving positive validation. Before you figure out what others feelings or opinions matter, I would suggest truly focusing just on yourself. I’m happy to hear you read Boundaries. Have you read The Untethered Soul? I have found much clarification from it and it has helped my meditation and focus. With sage, I would suggest white sage, it helps clear energy from your space. I cleanse or smudge my space each week or more, and it forces any negative or stagnant energy to leave my space and only allow positive energy in. I also cleanse my crystals and rocks as they do retain energy in your space.
In my life, when I let go of the control I feel I need to have, the expectations put in place, others feedback, and allow myself to enjoy and believe that good things are to come, I am given abundance in life. Just to say, I left a secure job because I was disatisfied, with no back up plan. I ended up coming into the most fulfilling position ever because I let go and believed I would have a job that I loved and brought meaning to my life. And this happens each time I’ve let go. Opportunity and doors have opened, strangers have shown kindness and support, and each event had a purpose.
Please do not ever feel you are a victim because of how others have treated you. I am sure you know this as you seem very wise. The ego demands to feel validated, and when it comes to family especially, you can’t interact in life if you have a feeling they hurt you. We all have unintentionally hurt people in our lives, but it is the compassion and empathy that allows us to heal and move forward. We do not allow this person to continue the behavior, but with boundaries you understand when it is time to remove yourself from the situation. There is no fighting or running away, because you know emotions are fleeting and that even if you did act out, they more then likely wouldn’t understand. And from that point, with self love inside of you, you can decide to move on in your life without these people. I think with your situation going on, I think the next experience should and will be the best. I am sure you are projecting what you want in life. I wouldn’t say avoid the emotions in your life right now, but look towards your future and what you want! Make plans of how you can accomplish these goals.
You mentioned you don’t know about heaven or hell, rebirth or karma. I didn’t know about the last two as I raised myself very religious. But two years ago I saw a pyschic and she has helped me grow spiritually. Not in the fortune telling/ reading type but with my meditation, my chakra balancing, and with loving and believing in myself. We are all our own person and as you evolve, you will come to understand exactly what fits in your life. It’s not black and white, but a knowing inside of yourself.

You sound like such a strong and loving person who is kind and understanding. Make the steps to get out of this current situation. Believe it will happen and that it will all work out as it is meant to. Be patient with yourself.

Dreaming715,
If you feel like you know it is over and could handle seeing him one last time to end on a happy note, then I would say try. At this point I wouldn’t wait for him to contact you to pick up his things. You said he went three weeks without contacting you before. Call or text and say you would like to meet him for coffee to give him his things and end on a good note. If he does accept, just remember to keep the reminder in your head and heart that he isn’t what you want long term. If he won’t meet, then I would say, tell him a friendly I wish you the best kind of goodbye. That you were happy to have met him and spent that brief time with him, and only wish him well. That’s a good way to end it too.

What are your thoughts?

Hi Leke,

That is very wise to focus on kindness-love during meditation. I might be all over the place here so I will apologize in advance. I can only offer the advice of what I feel, so please do not feel my way is the right way. What is your main focus when you meditate? Are you listening to anything? Are you counting your breathes, inhaling positive thoughts and feelings, and exhaling the negative? Do you use any crystals or rocks during? Do you sage prior and after? Do you invision yourself covered with light around and through you? I like incorporating the last few as I notice a dramatic difference when I do. I think you need to adapt the “letting go” mantra into everything, not just meditation. For example, say a negative response pops up when you recall a memory that was a happy time, but that person is no longer here and was a painful loss. Tell yourself to let go, breath, and then focus on the positive. Say someone has said something hurtful about you, replace that thought with one that you believe is good about you. Maybe you become frustrated with something not working or moving at the pace you want, tell yourself to let go. Have you had experiences in life where you did let go and everything fell into place? As you are saying about resentment and these relationships, are these the kind you want to have where your opinion is ignored? Start projecting to the universe what you do want in your friendships and relationships and then let go and let it happen.

I am not sure the basis of your spirituality, mine is faith based. That was my source of love. Each day I wake up and start my mindset with thanks and love and it helped greatly during my depression. I love that I have another day of perfect health and that I am who I am and for all of the hardship I had to go through, as I feel there is a purpose for it. Believe that in yourself too. Feel your purpose. You can say this to the universe, and even though you may not feel it, in time after repetition you will the light shine in you. Focus each day on loving yourself. Louise Hay has great positive affirmations, as well as Wayne Dwyer and I would recommend them.

For boundaries, setting them has now allowed to have my family in my life and has created the healthiest of relationships that could be cultivated. A synopsis is that my family is very self-destructive and full of drama. I was manipulated a lot by them, I normally was the one hurt in the end and blamed for any personal issues that they were going through. I too wrote some of my family members letters but never gave them to them, and I allowed myself to grieve the loss of what I wanted or thought that relationship could have ever been. I forgave them for all of the hurt and pain, and I thanked them because I am a strong person for it. Allow yourself to really feel that and for me, I now know any interaction with them hopefully benefits them in some way. And don’t stop the process because you will not fully move on from it if you don’t. I’ve seen it with others. The book I read on setting boundaries is faith based- Boundaries by Henry Cloud & John Townsend. That is great you can wish them love as well, do you feel that you are though? Can you send them love now?

Really great to share with you and your words have touched a part of my heart. I love to learn and share with others, as life is so much more meaningful when you do. Best wishes.

Hi Dreaming715,

I am going through a similar situation myself. I too feel for a man only to have him withdraw multiple times, lessen his contact with me, and leave me in a state of confusion, as his words did not match his action.
I can only offer how I am going through this and maybe that can help. I began a journal and am filling it with words, expressions, and meaningful sayings that I want in a relationship and partner. Each time I find myself in a great deal of pain, I open this up and make myself feel the words I am adding. It has really helped a great deal and in a teaching I heard by Abraham Hicks, you have to feel the emotions of having that relationship before it comes.
Also, look at this relationship as a stepping stone. I opened my heart fully to someone, and that feeling was amazing. However, I didn’t want to spend my time being with someone who wasn’t emotionally mature enough or ready for a relationship. Being with him helped me realize the qualities I did want in a man and that I deserved no less. Spiritually, I realized that from my love, my ex has been able to grow to be a better person himself. I am sure that you must have had the same effect. It’s a nice closing thought to letting go.
And please do not feel blame for seeing another man while he was away. A man who is truly interested would have made an effort to connect with you while away, and would have never left doubts about his interest. Think of how you want a man to treat you in that situation. As for his things, I would tell him to pick them up now. It doesn’t help the healing process if he pops back up when he feels its convenient and is emotionally withdrawn, when you might not have fully moved on.
Lastly, allow yourself the moments of feeling pain. But then afterwards connect spiritually to help heal it.
Best wishes.