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Kashiefah Chetty

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  • in reply to: On a difficult point of life..pls advise.. #156274
    Kashiefah Chetty
    Participant

    Maria,

    Remember that being in love is a chemical reaction in the brain for survival, explained like this:

      Unfortunately, being in love usually doesn’t last forever. It’s an impermanent state that either evolves into a long-term, codependent relationship that psychologists call “attachment,” or it dissipates, and the relationship dissolves. If there are physical or social barriers inhibiting partners from seeing one another regularly — for example, if the relationship is long-distance — then the “in love” phase generally lasts longer than it would otherwise.

    I have only included the last sentence of the article but you can read the rest of it on your own.

    The fact that you are searching for help on this forum shows that you know something is wrong with your relationship. But the love you feel for this man will cloud out any answer we give you to the contrary of what you really want to do. While you are in this relationship and will continue to be with him unless he does something drastic that will make you see him differently.

    Do this:

    • Change your mindset. Move away from being blindly in love. Become a person who loves herself enough to know when something is bad for her regardless of how good it feels. Read this to help you find Self-Love.
    • Continue your relationship but have an open mind. and know that all his and your feelings are temporary.
    • Know that he will never change. Especially personality issues, they stay with a person for life. Love on its own is not a magic potion to make people change their ways. Self Love does this.
    • During all this don’t get married and don’t fall pregnant.
    • Give yourself a time limit to spend with him being really aware of this relationship and what it holds for you.
    • Then you see what stays. Do your feelings for him keep growing because of other good qualities he may have? Is he changing for the better? Is he loving himself based on your example of self-love? He can only learn from you how to improve himself
    • If he isn’t doing anything differently and the bad cycle keeps continuing please love yourself enough to know that its ok to rather be alone than be unhappy.

    Good luck

    in reply to: Different Relationship #156282
    Kashiefah Chetty
    Participant

    Hi Jeff

    If this feels the same way it felt during your first marriage. Something has to change. The only constant thing IN your first marriage and in this relationship now is YOU.

    You are definitely the “give it your all” type of person. Who I use to be during my first marriage.

    Time to change buddy. Time to love yourself and love being on your own. WE shouldn;t get divorced just to get married again. We get divorced to love ourselves more and then find someone to love the b est version of us. We shouldn’t take our old baggage with us into a new relaionship.

    Women have to prove to the world that they can make it on their own after a marriage fails. That’s why its easier for your SO to spend time away from you. Perhaps you should try and show her how to be more affectionate in her time with you?

    Perhaps follow her example of balancing her time with a love and time on her own?

    See which works for you and if both work do both

Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)