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KarenParticipant
HI Luis,
I remember many years ago I was feeling very down. I was sitting on my back door step looking out into my garden, and I had one of those light bulb moments. I thought, here I am sitting here, feeling down, thinking about all the bad things in my life that I’m not happy about. I thought, I can choose, right now, to just not be this way anymore. I can choose, right now, to think more often about happier things, and not concentrate on the bad things. I can choose, right this moment, to make today different for myself….and so I did. I chose to do it in a different way firstly by not dwelling on the things that made me feel sad and bad. I learnt that helping other people in different little ways gave me a really good boost too. I took the word “should” out of my vocabulary (coz it made me feel bad) and inserted the words “I’d like to” instead……I “should” have done whatever, changes to “I’d like to” have done whatever. So changing the words helped me to feel not so bad about myself. Start taking notice of those inner tape recordings and replace the negative ones with something that doesn’t make you feel so bad. I found that once I started working on myself, and started to like myself more, other people liked me more too. So my advice to you would be to get your inner self sorted first, and then the good stuff will automatically follow. And don’t forget, when you are down in the dumps, that can be a normal thing, it can happen to all of us, and it is usually only temporary. If it goes on for longer than 3-4 weeks talk to your therapist and discuss some more ways to get out of the negative mental loop. (It can often be as simple as retraining your brain.) Good Luck Luis.KarenParticipantHi Gertie, So sorry to find you so sad. This time of the year seems to magnify sad feelings for so many. I haven’t been in your situation although I would like to offer some positive advice to you. When you think of how you are reacting to a situation think of what your response is teaching your child. If you keep on believing lies when your head tells you not to, your child may grow up to do the same. If you decide that you have had enough, think about how you want to role model to your child the way you want to break up with the man. Tell her the simplified truth. You have waited for him long enough. You don’t think you trust or believe in what he says anymore. You want a man who will be able to be with you (and her) 100% and he isn’t. So you are going to stop seeing him. If he wants to commit to you both he knows where you are and he knows that the only way he can continue to see you are on your terms, which means leaving his wife. If you can be strong, and stick to your guns, you will role model this inner strength to your child. You will be showing her how to be strong for when she needs to be strong herself one day. Take care not to tell her all your troubles, and do not use her to listen to all your woes. Be careful what you say, keep it simple, and be the best role model you possibly can. Doing it for her may just give you the strength to look after yourself, and her too. Good Luck, let the tears (and the pain) out and stay focused on your future for her sake too.
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