Thanks again for your replies. I know how you feel Cath, my previous ex was very emotionally abusive to me and even when it ended badly I kept in contact with him and he used me for quite a long time. I hung out with him and slept with him in the hopes we would eventually get back together which never happened. All of this really damaged my self esteem.
I guess in hindsight it is easier not to have any contact. Even though that is very hurtful too. But maybe the recovery will be quicker?
My most recent ex contacted me after the non-reply to my text. Said something about his phone being dead. We chatted for a while, all light hearted. He has been doing nothing but staying at home since we broke up. Not meeting friends or going out etc. He sounds depressed. Towards the end of the call, he started crying and hung up. We’ve had no contact since. I just dont understand what he is doing. If he really feels this bad then why wont he get back together with me and make a plan to move in together??? Im not going to initiate any more contact with him because I feel I should just leave the ball in his court.

Hi Everyone,

Anita just wanted to thank you for your advice about taking love from everywhere. It keeps coming up in my mind so Im finding that really helpful.
Feeling a bit low again because when we broke up we decided that we would remain friends. I texted him once and rang him once since then. He seemed fine when we were talking. But he has not initiated any contact since the break up. I was really hoping that we would stay in touch. 🙁

Ya there really is. I feel like the rug has been pulled underneath me. I feel a great emptiness and un-grounding. I have been taking valerian tea and find it helpful. Especially to help me sleep at night. I have found a you tube clip for the chanting you suggested so will try that thanks. I find it difficult now to cope with the loneliness. I heard an ad on the radio the other day for an event and realised that I would have no-one to go to these things anymore with. It was so comforting to know that you always had someone there and now that is gone.

Thank you for that. It is really helpful to me to post here. Cath I would love to correspond with you, thank u. I have been crying for most of the weekend and last night I felt a bit like I might lose my mind. Im finding it hard to allow the grief and sorrow to fully come up because I start to get really panicky. Im hoping that in time it will release.

Thanks everyone for all your replies. Been feeling so emotional the last few days. My bf will be here this weekend and we will talk then but I feel it will inevitably end with us breaking up. I am starting to feel really afraid at the thoughts of this. Im not close to my family and dont have any very close friends. I feel like the foundations are being pulled out from under me. I have suffered very badly from anxiety in the past and I can feel this creeping in again. I cant stop worrying about the future. I feel so angry and depressed that this is happening. I put so much effort into the relationship and always gave him time and space so he wouldnt ever feel pressured or anything. Looking back I feel I was a pushover.

Not really anger. But I feel he wishes she were happier. She doesnt work or go out much. She has talked to him about her unhappiness and her previous dependency on alcohol.
I understand that he wants to look after his mother and they have a sacred relationship but I feel left out in the cold by this. He knows for a long time now that I want us to move in together. Sometimes, I feel its not really so much about his mother but his lack of commitment to me and his unwillingness to be responsible ie. paying rent, bills etc.