Hi Anita

i guess I keep picking the wrong guys who does very little for me, guys who expects a lot from me and rarely show appreciation.   Of course I am a loving and caring person, and with the right type of loving guy I could have a loving relationship.

t’s just that I keep falling for the same type of man over and over again.  I have stopped dating because I always see myself with man who’s got truckload of problems, it seems I attract them like magnet.

Dear Anita
These past days I have had time to think about all my relationships end the same way, to start with all my relationships are great, what starts the arguments are my partners keep taking more and more and I feel like I’m expected to keep giving and this creates bitterness, I am also lied to and this creating trust issues.
My last ex lied to me about everything going on in his life, and now this guy I was dating was also nice to me to begin with, I knew he enjoys drinking but he promised it will stop which he never did, and he also went to jail for handling drugs, he enjoys blaming people for what he does.
he spend most of his free time with me and never drinks,as soon as he goes to his home, he drink a lot. Again he failed his promise.
He even blames me that I don’t cook lunch for him, Like I’m his mum..when we first started dating he would say thanks for things I do for him, but since he got out of jail it’s like I’m expected to just provide, wash his clothes, cook. When he gets his cash he blows it on drinks with his friends.

I feel so much happier he’s left my home, as each time we have an argument he would say hurtful stuff about my health. My struggles in life, and this make me get angry and insult him too.. Which is not nice.
Kadija

Thanks Anita

I will seek out therapy, it’s not easy in my part of the world, as people on my island don’t share their problems with others.. I will give myself a break and spend time with my kids.
I guess my problem is I find it hard to be alone and end up in all the wrong relationships.

Dear Anita
In all my relationship I always feel like I done something wrong and that I trigger the persons behaviour, as to begin with they are always nice and would do anything for me, and I do everything for them too.
I am a very open person, likes to talk and always very supportive of my partner. I’m not sure if this is the problem.

It’s true that somehow I don’t trust my own thinking, my partner would do something that makes me unhappy, I will tell them how I feel yet somehow they will turn the table on me and I would just accept that maybe I did something to trigger the situation. Like my previous ex would lie about his finances and keep a part of his life a secret from me,I would find ways to justify his behaviour even if I know it’s wrong and we should have trust in the relationship.

Now this bf would find all sorts of things to say about me when he can’t get his way, like so childish, I work hard, have my small business,I spend my cash wisely, he was living with me we had everything, yet he says he doesn’t trust me, I’m a user, and all sorts of stuff to demean me as a person, yet he would also turn round later and say he loves me bla bla…and later when I don’t respond he will text to say he will find a younger and more beautiful woman than me, and that no one will want to be with me…
It’s come to a point now that I’m happy on my own, I focus on my work, I live with my two beautiful dogs, I spend my. Time on myself, I don’t have the stress of trying to make someone happy who can’t see anything good in me as a woman.I think I’m just drained from these dead end relationship.

So naive is because I pick the same kind of guys all the time, and it seems to be getting worse as it goes along..

Kadija
X

Anita
I was married at 16 and my husband was very abusive, we divorce when I was 30. I’ve dated other guys and all of them cheated on me, maybe I try too much to make the relationship work in the end they still walk away..

Thanks all for the support, this site is amazing, the members are so so supportive. You guys have shaken me up from my sleep, I can see clearly that I deserve better, I have so much to be grateful for, I’m alive, I’m a beautiful person, I a healthy, I am blessed, I have great people for support, I started a great business from scratch, I live in a beautiful exotic part of the world, the list is endless…. I may not have my families on the same turf, but still I have a lot to be thankful for.. Thank you guys for shaking some sense into me. No I did not sabotage no relationship…I was fooling myself and I thought I was in a relationship.
Matt you are so right. So so right and honest, defenitely shook some sense into me… Seriously

Hugs to you all

Kadija

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Bernadette.

Matt/ Popi

Thanks so much for the replies, there is a brand new life waiting for me out there, I have to move on, I can’t keep repeating the same mess over and over again..I keep swimming in the same mud year in year out. My problem is I keep blaming myself for being a bad girlfriend and feeling guilty for all the problems..I dunno I have this fear in me, I need to overcome as to why I find myself back in the same mess. I guess I have to work on my self esteem, I feel lost and don’t feel I deserve better. I have lost the person I was before I met my ex. I need to work on bringing myself back to who I was. The happy and shining person I was.
Kadija