Hi Adele

It sounds like you have had a wonderful experience in Japan – I would love to go in the future. But it sounds like you also have a great thing going for you here as well (I’m from UK too and I know how tough it is here to find work). I have to agree with everybody else posting here – I’d stay here for the time being – at least you will be able to save some money for if you do decide to return to Japan.

Just out of curiosity, did you get the teaching job in Japan through a TEFL company? If so, which TEFL company did you go to? When you were in Japan, were you living in your own accommodation or were you staying with a host family?

Thanks

Joe

Hi J (I better change my username because we have the same one and I don’t want to cause any confusion around here! In case anybody else on here wonders, this is Joe speaking – absolutely-bonkers-artsy-former-glutton-for-punishment-but-striking-back-with-a-vengeance Joe)

I am sorry to hear about your problem. I can relate, kind of – I was dismissed from a teaching job last year (I have discussed this a lot in previous posts – in a nutshell the host family I stayed with didn’t like me and the feeling was mutual, they didn’t want to host me any more, no other host families available so I had to go) When I came back home, I felt ashamed and I didn’t want people to know I had finished sooner than I thought. I didn’t want people to know why things ended the way they had. You must be feeling what I felt when I lost that job, so for this reason I won’t ask why you were kicked out of school.

Like you, I felt angry, resentful and regretful for a very long time. Some nights I couldn’t sleep for wishing bad things towards the job coordinators and the people I went to stay with at the time. When I wasn’t seething with bitterness and resentment towards them, I was cutting myself up about the fact I should have done things differently, I should have tried harder to please them. I felt absolutely defeated, and it took a long time for me to get back up. There were many “What-ifs?” – but I found that no amount of mental alternative takes and no amount of wishing ’em dead was ever going to send me back in time to change things.

That’s not to say I haven’t completely forgotten about the entire thing – I’m currently focusing on other things right now.

I think Tami is absolutely right – you need to allow yourself to grieve about this. There is no use wishing that these feelings of anger and shame are going to instantly vanish, believe me they won’t. Don’t pretend to yourself that you are fine when you are not. You take as much time as you need to reach a level of acceptance.

When the program coordinators called me to tell me it was the end for me, they told me to not dwell upon it, I did my best, I wasn’t a failure, try and see the silver lining and positive from that experience…At first I was like “Oh per-lease, don’t give me any of that ‘don’t-cry-because-it’s-over-smile-because-it-happened’ malarkey…” but I learned a lot from experience and I feel a bit more wiser for it. From that experience, I did possibly the most bravest and craziest thing I’ve ever done in my life – speaking in front of 60 or so loud-mouthed ravenous school kids without a hitch when the idea of doing something like that used to terrify me.

There has to be something good you can take from this experience – something you have learned, some kind of wisdom that you can take with you to help inform you of any important future decisions you will have to make.

It’s my personal conviction that life is for learning, occasionally screwing up on the way and growing from your setbacks. It’s times like these you learn what is really important.

But believe me, you won’t feel angry and ashamed for the rest of your life – those feelings will soon lessen. You will feel wiser and stronger eventually.

I hope this helps.

Joe

You said nothing depressing so that’s my entire playlist out of the question!!!

A few years ago when I had deadlines to hand in at university, I was rushing through my work blasting The Prodigy and the soundtrack to Hackers (and annoying everybody else at home in the process). Always was into 90’s techno music!

Jock

I guess I’ve never really considered this question before. I guess I’m not too concerned about what my legacy will be and I don’t expect I’ll ever be, when I have departed this mortal coil everything I have done will have been in the past and will no longer be of any use to me when my number is up.

It’s the same with funeral arrangements – I’m not going to be around to see who did or didn’t turn up to the funeral, what song they played, what food the caterers served, what people wore…I’m nobody important so I can’t imagine having an elaborate service. I’m not saying I’m nobody important to be negative about myself, I’m just stating a known fact – in the grand scheme of things I am nobody important – I am just like everybody else, not greater than, not less than. People have acted really shocked when I have said this before – “OMG Why do you say that? You shouldn’t say things like that!” or “You’re so negative! You’re so morbid!” I actually don’t mind – I actually think that thinking I’m nobody important is quite humbling and liberating. It reminds you that life is short so do what you can to have the most amazing life you possibly can.

That’s not to say I don’t fear death because I do, but that’s a discussion for another time…

I guess some of the things I will leave behind will be my art – maybe my art will finally achieve widespread fame and recognition after my death, and my paintings will sell for millions! Who can tell? Maybe it will end up in galleries. Maybe it will end up stored in an archive somewhere. Maybe just stored in a cardboard box up in somebodies attic. Maybe it will end up tossed in a landfill site. Maybe my art-related exploits will have been documented in books. I like to think that maybe I will have inspired a few people along the way with my art, or when I have landed a few more teaching gigs. I like to think that I may have made someone laugh with my stupid snarky sense of humour and made their day.

Whether or not I achieve recognition after I’m gone, it’s not important to me and I am okay with it. I am okay with the thought that I will be long gone and forgotten about centuries from now. If I have started a chain reaction of inspiring people to do even one artsy thing in their lives, that’s good enough for me.

But as for the funeral arrangements, I have a strict dress code – strictly come as you are, I was never one for formal wear. Jeans and tshirts are a must. As for the headstone and subsequent obituaries, I just want “Joe Was Here”. As one final act of rebelliousness and defiance, I am going to leave my entire estate and worldly possessions to the cats home.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Joe.