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Leocube
Would working part time be an option for you and then using the free time to draw? Do you have weekends off that you could dedicate to drawing?
I hope what I’m about to write doesn’t discourage you but I was in a similar situation (although I didn’t have any savings to fall back on). I tried turning my illustration into a full time venture, but with very little money and still relying on parents for support. There was a lot of things I underestimated – promoting my work, not really having any kind of direction with my work, having to keep records of everything for tax purposes, business expenses (paying for a website, online listing fees, banking fees for the separate account I opened – on top of all that, it was difficult and discouraging for me when I wasn’t getting any responses. All this while dealing with depression and low confidence – I found that being in that mindset and trying to make it work was overwhelming.
Many artists and illustrators need to use social media to promote themselves, and building an online following doesn’t happen overnight. What I also found frustrating was all my friends and family constantly asking how much money I was making and when was I going to get a real job. I hated to admit it because I’m stubborn but they were right, I couldn’t carry on like this and I had to put it on the backburner for my own sanity.
Having said that, it’s not impossible – there are artists, designers and illustrators out there who do live off their art for a living, and they have managed to turn it into a full time venture.
I highly recommend you read “The Multi Hyphen Method” by Emma Gannon.
What do you think?
Joe
“Gift”
who would have thought
that which you
curse me with
who would have thought
that you
stifling my every word
silencing me
speaking for me
who would have thought
that all along
you were giving me
you were teaching me
my greatest gift
my greatest lesson
and though
i’ve lost my way a few times
i realised
that the silence
you condemn me with
is the greatest power
at my arsenal
at my disposal
there are
lots of things
i want to say,
i could say
given the chance
but i’ve decided
not to
i will just sit back
like the quiet child
you think i am
you can talk
as much as you like
because
i am not in competition
with you anymore
you can say your precious words
if that’s what you want
you can decide
decipher
assume
all you like
because you will never know
you can try
to provoke a reaction
to worm your way in
so arrogant
to assume that
you think
you can speak the truth of another
you can speak the truth for another
i will just smile
because you will never know
you can be caught up
in your illusion
in your delusion
you can point fingers
you can tell your version of events
but all i will do
is look at the one
who points the fingers
i lusted for revenge
to get even
to speak uninterrupted
to let you know
to expose you
but you can expose yourself
maybe i knew
all along
that to speak
that to talk
that to idle chit-chat
is to give away
your power
and my power
is not your’s for the taking
without further ado
i bid you adieu
i wish nothing more
than the best for you
i wish
that you get all of the good things
that one can get in this life
but
the only thing you will never have
are my words
my songs
my power
my truth
my attention
my thoughts
my energy
my soul
you can keep all the ugly rotten ones
that you’ve already got.Anita
Interesting, this: âIâm having imaginary conversations with them/âŚPretending that they are the good guysâ- this makes me think that part of you believe the message about personal worth. Clearly, at the least, you once believed it. Who hasnât.
I can’t help but have imaginary conversations with these people, where they finally shut up and listen to what I have to say instead of talking over me. I know for a fact that I want nothing more to do with these people and I’ve been avoiding them like the plague for the past few years but sometimes I just can’t help but wonder what it would be like if we still met up.
“When truth spits in your face” and this post is an expansion on the post I wrote about wanting the last word with the toxic frenemy; it’s about the same group of people I spent time with but I never really felt part of that group. Originally we were all a massive group until one of the other participants persisted in pressing my buttons so I got into a really ugly confrontation and called him some really colourful four-letter words. Button Pusher, his roommate and my roommate formed their own clique from then on and I got accused by The Frenemy of creating a divide within the group – so it’s my fault that I told Button Pusher to back off because he was making me feel uncomfortable and bombarding me with deeply personal questions? I did ask him politely to stop what he was doing to begin with but he took offense and swore at me, which elevated into an extremely ugly verbal sparring match. Even then, I was the one being told to calm down by the others and not being allowed to explain myself.
Regarding the false belief that I am unworthy for not having what they have – that’s more like their false belief, not mine. They have nothing that I want. They went out of their way to make me feel unworthy for not having the same things or aspirations as they do. Not wanting the same things they want. As if somehow they expect everybody to have the same things or want the same things.
“Aren’t you going to the gym” Uh no, do you think I need to go?
“Aren’t you coming with us to the football match?” Uh no, does it look like I enjoy sports?
“Aren’t you going to get your haircut?” My hair is okay as it is, thankyou very much.
“That’s your phone? That’s so old!” Oh yeah, because I’ve always judged a persons worth by what bleedin’ phone they have…
I ended up with the other half of the group by default but I just felt uncomfortable and suffocated around these people. They were constantly bitching and gossiping about one another, and just constantly whining about everything and they believed that they deserved the best of everything, which just really irritated me. The other members of the group were quite conservative and religious and I never felt like I was able to express my own views or opinions for fear they would react badly, because they acted as though everybody should have the same beliefs and opinions as they did (but I guess it didn’t matter, because according to them I was a devil worshipper because of my appearance and taste in music). I think at that point I firmly decided against organised religion, and that I was agnostic.
The placement ended 3 years ago and we’ve gone our separate ways – they all seem to be in great graduate-level jobs in law/ICT/whatever and I’ve been mostly unemployed/sometimes freelance/volunteering/warehouse work for an evil bloodthirsty corporation which shall remain nameless/warehouse work for a lesser bloodthirsty parcel delivery company/depressed. They have been trying to organise group reunions and I’ve had to make excuses to get out of going to these reunions because I dread the thought of being asked “So what are you up to? Are you working?” I’ve destroyed my old phone and the simcard so that there is no chance in hell that they will be able to get in touch with me now. I know I said I wanted to have the last word with The Frenemy and I have destroyed his phone number so there is no way I will be able to do that now. I think I do still have his e-mail address. I could send him an e-mail telling him that I’m not happy at all but how is that going to help? He would probably not read it, just dismiss and deny everything and slag me off even more to the group “Joe is an absolute headcase, he has some serious issues, bla bla bla…”
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 