The danger for me is I don’t want to be gay as my whole life I’ve been straight I’ve never been attracted to a male and never once questioned myself.

i don’t know how else to put it but the idea of being gay unsettles me and so I keep reading forums I try to figure myself out and I can’t, there are parts of the day where I feel normal and am very attracted to women and then others when I’m obsessing over the thought of being gay It feels like I’m no longer attracted to anything, I’ve always been an over thinker and now it’s really starting to get to me. If there’s any way you can help that’d be great

I started smoking weed a year ago and became a heavy user 6 months ago and for 5 months I used weed as a way of enjoying life and so I did nothing apart from smoke with friends and chill as there’s not much to do in the era of covid and and then fast forward to a month ago the last few times I would get high I would have sudden thoughts pop into my head about being gay although I’ve been straight my whole life and never doubted it for a second but since a month ago June 3rd to be exact I have been obsessing with the fact that I might be gay even though deep down inside I’m not as I’m still very much attracted to women, this has gotten better over the course of the month as I’ve spoken to people close to me about it, some of them experiencing similar thoughts as they quit weed due to becoming anxious from misusing it. This forum has helped as I’ve related to a lot of the stories that I’m reading and I’m starting to think it could be because I tend to watch a lot of porn as well. I stopped watching porn a week ago and have seen improvements but the thoughts are still present in my head and I can’t seem to fully rid them. I’ve also been very lonely the past year and I think that has deteriorated my mental health as I’ve been feeling very down at times .

im sorry if a lot of this is in bad english I’m just in a very anxious state at the moment and can’t seem to explain any clearer.

I see a lot of similarities with HOCD but I can’t diagnose myself through google. At the moment I still have the thoughts however I’m just ignoring them as Logically to me they don’t make sense especially since I don’t feel an attraction to men but the thoughts still bother me on a daily basis and I will probably obsess over it a few times a day and I’d like to go back to how it was before where I never had these thoughts as they hinder my ability to go on with my daily life as normal, as I occasionally have anxiety attacks where I start pacing around my room obsessing over the thought of being gay.

im sorry again if it’s hard to interpret what’s written