Thank your for the replies.

Kahma– Starting over is tough at any age, yeah. It’s my first true attempt at it, and it’s so hard, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed and are unsure of exactly what you want to do going forward. Smaller steps is good advice. My therapist introduced the word “action” meaning that you can think and think and think, you could spend your life just ruminating, but ultimately action is needed if you want anything to change, and certainly if you want to rebuild your life (which I very much want to). So I am trying to do small things like fitting in a little meditation and exercise every day or at least every other day, as well as walks. But I know that I’ll need to start doing more practical things too, like applying for more jobs, and start apartment hunting.

anita– My inner critic (and worrier for that matter) definitely need to be challenged more often. In terms of my parents, I think their main influence in this case is that I don’t want to “fail” and thus let them down, or be a burden to them. So my inner critic is in part informed by wanting to be in a position where my parents can feel like I am in a stable, secure life situation.

Thank you for your replies.

anita– I’ll definitely try and work on my routine, adding more to it so the days aren’t so empty. It’s just difficult sometimes when life feels overwhelming and all you feel you have the energy to do is sit with your thoughts and do nothing.

nextsteps– I do need to get more active, because I find when I am on walks that movement and being outside helps me too. And what you say about no one coming to save me and that I have to effect change myself if I want things to change. I used to do some yoga and meditation a while ago, but I kind of stopped making the effort. I’m gonna try getting back into that, thank  you.

marrriee– Yeah, I know comparing myself to others is not helpful (neither friends, family nor celebrities on Instagram), but sometimes it’s hard not to. I actually think the fact that I am young(-ish) and can do ANYTHING I want almost is part of the problem in a way, too. Because there are so many options for me, which makes life feel overwhelming. I can move to whichever country I want, travel wherever I would like, do a lot of different things – but in the end I don’t know what I want, and so not taking advantage of the privileged position I am in (and instead doing nothing), makes me beat myself up more, I guess.

I’m glad to have time to step back and figure out what I want and what would bring happiness, I just wish it were easier.