Hi Eddie,

The first thing that struck me about your post is that you seem very self-aware. That is, you recognize that your depression and negativity is having a serious impact on your life and you want to change that. To me, just that recognition is a great first step towards healing.

The second thing that struck me was that you do indeed sound very depressed. As someone who has struggled with serious, recurring depression throughout my life, I would strongly advise that you seek out a mental health professional that you feel comfortable working with. You mention that your life “feels like one long road of negative experiences.” It may be that the depression is skewing your perception of the past, and that you’re simply remembering things in a more negative light. On the other hand, it may be that you’ve actually gone through some truly crap experiences that have left mental and emotional scars. If that’s the case, a good therapist can work with you to understand the impact those experiences have had on your mental health, and help you heal from them. A good therapist can also guide you through the decision of whether or not to take medication for the depression. I don’t know what your personal feelings on medication are, but speaking from personal experience again, I regret not having started medication sooner myself. Again though, that’s a very personal decision your therapist/psychologist can help you make.

Finally, one other piece of advice, and it’s one that people give me all the time: Don’t be so hard on yourself. I can tell you’re unhappy and frustrated, but try to work on developing some compassion for yourself. Yeah, you’ve got issues — just like everyone else on the planet. None of us is perfect, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t deserve love and and compassion. I know it can be really hard to do, but try to show yourself the love and compassion you show others.

Hugs,
Jen