@mitchellspielberg Thank you for such an elaborate and well thought out response. I read your letter a few times over the past couple of days. It gave me shivers noticing how on point you are. Almost like you personally know this person. Took me a while to even respond. I am a natural empath, I couldn’t help myself but relate to his misery and how it must feel to constantly seek attention. However, I just found out, none of his tears, promise to seek therapy ect ect was real. It was just a tactic to diffuse further confrontation and buy more time. He has done this on NUMEROUS occasions. His friend told him that going on dating websites and trying to meet up is “not cool” while you are in a relationship…his response- ” I know “. That’s it ! What do you say after that?? This is something that used to bother me in our relationship as well. He would agree his behaviour is wrong just so I can get off his case but he never intended to change the behaviour. He does it wit his friends as well. Sadly enough, they think he has accepted his fault and won’t do it again. He also told him he blocked me because ” he needs time to think” I really do think this is BS, again a way to avoid confrontation and justify his action of blocking in front of his friend. Little do they know. He is back in business still using dating platforms and such to meet girls. I really do think he has a personality disorder Somatic or histrionic NDP which has gone undiagnosed for years.

I keep hoping that maybe one day he will change, maybe he will confront these problems and look inside. Maybe he will realize how damaging his actions can be to the other person. I do know that I am well out of it. But I am really struggling to let go. I talk about him a LOT, with my friends, common friend, roommate ect. Yesterday a common friend asked me to grab coffee and I told myself I will not talk about him. I will have a good time with my gf. But the moment she asked me ” how I was doing” and there it was … all came out…pouring my heart and soul. I saw the expression on her face, it got awkward from there on. Like she could see I am hurting but she was almost ready to end our coffee meeting. I don’t blame her, it can be overwhelming for the other person. There is so much resentment and negativity and pain inside me. But I still miss him. I am hating the person I am becoming. I need to stop its been few weeks now. I don’t want to turn into that girl who only talks about how her ex mistreated her. There is more to me than that, I have interests, passions, goals. But I am not able to shift my focus. I don’t want my friends to run away from me ( although all have them have been very supportive, I am just worried if i don’t stop they might just be done with my complaining one day). I personally don’t want to turn into this person, its annoying to me as well. I have been on the listening end as well and after a while people just start to run away from you.
I know I am being harsh on myself its only been 2 weeks or so…I honestly spent two days reading all about Narcissistic personality disorder. Re-hashed all the events in my relationship and its so creepy and scary how similar my stories and events sounds with people who are diagnosed. I know he needs to be diagnosed but he will never bring it up even though he seeks counselling for other things ( work ect). Part of me wants him to realize it so badly… I know I know.. you see what happened there. I get sucked into this, its not my job or life anymore. I deeply cared about this person and I am attached to him. He has so much to offer but he is wasting his life doing stupid stuff and getting in trouble. I hate myself for caring, I don’t want to, after all he has completely blocked me out of his life and moved on… I just need to let it go as well.

@Newlife123 – Anita, I have been implementing strong no contact so far. But it seems to be counter productive. I need to give it time and keep at it. Thank you so much for your kind words.

Inky: I plan on not seeing him don’t think I can handle all of that right now. But thank you for a cheeky response 🙂