so god would be totally separate from the stars – i think that would make sense in a big bang way. i did the exercise mainly in my mind, i got maybe 4 or 6 hours of sleep, it was hard for me to get out of bed. all i was thinking to get up was “okay i’ll get up now…okay now!” haha but i affirmed in my mind. i think that now since i wake up a little earlier than usual for my math class, my body has a new kind of rhythm. the universe though is really such a complicated thing, but people make it seem like a wary thing with all the “you better make sure you put that positive energy out so you won’t be fucked up”. it’s nervewracking. that i have to watch for things like that just for my life to be in order in the future. it’s bad enough that i’m running away from things to stop from feeling watched and all that. now it’s up to me to be happy every single moment to manifest things i want. according to what people say about it anyway.

(i’m gonna do my exercise in the mirror today by the way. i also made anoter acquaintance at school today in the same class as the last.)

yeah, the mirror exercise might help a lot for today and i’ll definitely think of other ways i could make myself feel better. once you’re stuck in a rut you forget what makes you feel good.

i’m glad you looked at your situation in a more positive light than a damaging one anita! about not being as skinny as you were in the photo. and i doubt you’ll ever be overweight because you always exercise by walking which is great!

patience takes such a long time. i almost feel like i’ve been waiting forever for a lot of things, but some of the things i’m looking forward to i’m willing to wait for. it’s just the uncertainty that hangs in between that makes everything weird. i wonder why god lets that happen. why he allows it. don’t you think that we can be thrown a bit off track by these things?

and to raise a question about the universe again: do you think our anxieties get recorded by the universe? because the thought of that gives me anxiety. which causes a big mental and emotional problem.

thank you anita! thank you for everything you said and for taking me seriously. it’s just hard to stop comparison. especially when you even battle youself. do you ever find yourself going, “i was skinnier then, i have to be that skinny again. OR BETTER!” or “what was it that made people want to be friends with me then, i have to be that way again and feel the same way i did then to make friends again.” because it happens all the time for me. the comparison to other people, i think that could take as long as me learning to love myself.

i used to dream about being famous. at first i wanted to be REALLY famous and then i just wanted to be famous enough to just do what i want and be friends with the people i admire. the thing was – in my dreams, i was never really me. i always looked different – way prettier, way skinnier, all those things. and it really sucked the life out of me because that was something i definitely KNEW i couldn’t change. and then i used to imagine what life would be like if different celebrities were my parents instead of my own. sometimes i still wonder, but not as much as i used to. i think i’d rather just be me. now although i do daydream about acting now lately, i don’t so much think about the fame part. just the part where i’m happy and doing something i enjoy. it’d be nice to have people as your fans and all, that might be the most flattering part, or even better – being able to meet some of your favorite celebrities and all, but once you really think about it, is that a life all people can handle? especially timid people like us? i have this thing (which is clearing up for the most part i believe) where i feel people are watching me or trying to hurt or steal from me so i don’t know if that dream can ever be a reality. if i didn’t let that bother me, i’d probably be an artist by now.

yes! we really do try and shun out our bad feelings, but what do you think about fear vs. true intuition? how do you think we discern that? how do we know how to interpret what is given to us through these feelings?

it can! hopefully i’ll actually learn from it and eventually get over the fears.

no i wasn’t excited, i was really apprehensive though. all the people kind of just threw me into the position because no one else wanted to do it. i don’t think they’d be too happy with how i handle it though. i’m way too shy and if things don’t get done they’ll probably be annoyed or mad but that’s pretty much on them lmao! either way i’m gonna consider it once i know what i have to do though, just to kind of stick it out.

for assignment of the day anita, i reached out to someone that wasn’t feeling good about themselves. that’s all i’ve done today.