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WisdomParticipant
i am only just seeing that you wrote back as soon as a sent a thought i should’ve put in before. i think that makes sense. i think that maybe i’m too impatient at the same time. the process seems to be taking too long, but then now that i think about it, i guess there could be things that i need to do to get to the next phase in life. i like to know that there are struggles that i have to go through because you learn from them. i try to remind myself that everything is written and there are no mistakes, but i also feel that there could always be things that we can change in what we’ve chosen before we were born. thank you by the way anita!
WisdomParticipantalso, i’m not confident in my art enough for me to be on a basquiat level, so i’m not considering making money off of it. or expecting that anyway. and i’ve tried an art class in school, but i felt limited in what i could do so i decided not to major in that. just today my mom is irking me about “giving up” on work study and i feel pressured to do so many things. i just feel tired of trying to get jobs and all when no one hires or even calls. and this is not me saying i give up on it. i’ll try again. i definitely have more than enough time for it. but i feel like god is telling me i’m a failure. that i won’t be anything. i can’t get a job, i can’t get or keep a friend. i’m nothing…but then again he’s by my side. i feel like it’s a cycle he likes to see me run through over and over again.
WisdomParticipantanita –
the only life i’d say i want is the life god would want for me. unfortunately i don’t have a clear, planned out vision of exactly what house i would want or what job and things like that. i’m actually struggling with what to major in. i just want to do the right thing which i feel god has. although that almost contradicts what i’ve said earlier, i’m not really sure how god works. i feel that he is kind of fickle with me. i feel that he is always by my side ready to help me, but i also feel that at times (which are lots of times) he would change his mind about me. i think just making art is what i’d want. just to make art and live comfortably. which is farfetched and almost unrealistic. it’s more of a retirement plan, huh? a life where i don’t necessarily work but i keep busy.
the only thing i could say that i really want is a person. that one person that i like, but that’s a thing i feel is pending, although i feel like this person could be what they call “the one”. maybe it’s all a little crush, but this is the third year in and i still like them just as much as i did three years ago.
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