just thinking about it makes me smile haha! idk if i’m laughing at myself or just really happy, but it could be both. he seems like a really good person. someone i can get along with. someone i wouldn’t mind being around forever. seriously. i’ve liked him for 3 years. i think he’s funny and smart and he’s one of the most beautiful people i’ve ever seen. he’s better than anyone i’ve ever seen. i think he tops them all. he’s just as close to perfection as it gets in my eyes, like a work of art. and his personality is just the same. he seems not to want a relationship though, i know that about him it’s something he’s let known for so long. he seems to be turned off by love. like it’s pretty disgusting, but i feel that somewhere deep inside him he probably doesn’t really think that. i don’t know what saying all this to you or on the internet will do, and i don’t know if i should take it all to a psychic, but i feel like if i told him all of this without even knowing if he considers me a friend or a real person, it’d show me off as kind of nutty. how i think i looked to anyone i’ve ever liked and maybe the world as a whole. i really like him though. he’s really the only reason right now why i believe in love. he’s the main reason why i hang on to faith.

i know i was supposed to go and write that all down for myself, but i have so many times already.

maybe it’s better to have the courage, but just like you said a few days ago, it’s something that you have to practice. like the guy i like sent me something today, but now i’m wondering if he sent it only to me as a means of just us talking. i doubt it though. the message he sent me was something he could’ve sent a few people. i barely have anything to say unfortunately. i can never seem to achieve a real in depth conversation with him. and i’d like to, but i don’t know how. i never want to bother him or smother him, but i do think about him all the time. there was nothing in particular he said like “hi” or anything. snapchat is a complex thing and that’s the only way i have to talk to him just about. and i think telling him how i feel would be almost ridiculous. to say that i really really like him and i don’t even know what his favorite color is.

god won’t discourage me, but the people or things that will scare me away from faith.

the way people look at god in genesis…adam and eve…that god is pretty scary. people always refer to him as a lightning striking, unforgiving god once you do something wrong or uncool. that scares me.

i wouldn’t so much say that god is paying attention to people on purpose for me to wait on him, but maybe (using your restaurant reference) someone ordered earlier than me. maybe someone else has a shorter order. maybe someone has an easier order. and i just have to wait. i’d say it’s a mix of both, but i guess i wouldn’t know at the same time since my understanding of god isn’t so clear. but it takes lifetimes to understand, so i don’t expect myself to know just yet or maybe even when i’m 80. i would like to better my understanding though. it’s a confusing thing, especially with all the interesting theories and beliefs and religions.

for me, just so it can kind of help you understand my thinking better, i like to look at everyones feelings, views and beliefs on anything dealing with god, spirituality, life and after life. i like to understand the way other people do and to decipher what i feel and understand with what i was taught as well. i guess you can say that i don’t (yet) think that the total truth is held in one place or holy group.

and i think that if i just got up and left the eatery, that would just show how much patience i really had. but it all must come along with me wanting to see other people grow before i do. to see other people happy before i am, and maybe that’s just what i’m getting from the universe.

whether it be me finding god and understanding from me or from outside of me, i believe that it will happen too anita, because god is inside of us and outside of us too.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Wisdom.

i also hope mind boggledness leaves us. it’s a very frustrating feeling. i’ve felt the same way. just some kind of blahness. it’s been a very long time since i’ve been so depressed to the point of just wanting to die, which used to been a really big thing for me. i’d say that blah is definitely okay. maybe there needs to be more excitement in your life, anita. would you say that you are missing something or feeling left out?

anita, i would definitely love to read more on the concept of soulmates, especially at this time. i’d say i’m fine, just a little mind boggled, but i’m sure i’ll be just fine. how are you?

anita idk if you can see this or if it’s in the right place, but i want to thank you so much for sharing that with me about patience. i’m actually going to read it over again to really fully register it into my brain. i just wanted to let you know that i saw this and i am happy you shared it because it can be very helpful. but do you think that with eating, if we keep eating and then wait for it to stop, is that regressive or progressive? because i usually do the “oh tomorrow will be better” thing but sometimes it’s not that much better. hopefully you can connect with this and it helps for either one of us to think of it and find an answer. i am really hoping that you overcome this because it really is a bad feeling to just eat and eat and afterward not even feel any better. i hope that once you reply and i see it, i am able to answer. i am on here through mobile, so it’s hard for me to navigate.

confusion is also not a good thing. why does god allow this? besides to come to him for prayer, why is confusion allowed, especially for the things we hold dear in our hearts?

i’d say i’m okay, anita. sort of confused, but i suppose i am okay. how are you?