Dear Sara: I’m in the same boat as you are. It stinks. I miss my Sissy I just want to die and be with her. I’ve had pups and animals my whole life and I still have her sister. I rescued both of them. I recently found out they are Carolina breed dog. Which is the oldest dog on record. They are to believed to be angels sent by god to us. My Sissa was just that! I too went through a very similar situation and had no time to think. Missy her sister is different. Sissy was the love of my life. You can’t come closer to experience god and spirit than having Sissy. She was my everything. I kept her sister Missy because I was able to put an e collar on her so she wouldn’t fight with Sissy. Sissy loved everyone even her sister who would fight with her. I hate to say it, but why didn’t god take Missy instead of Sissy and did I do the right thing or should I gave my Sissy a fighting chance. I too had no time to think, but its weird for three days after before she was creameated I felt so happy and felt her, but after that although I’ve had dreams and visions its not enough. I hate life now and just wish I am with her. I can’t even sleep anymore. Its been over a year and I think about her every moment of every day. I can’t even get another one until Missy goes because of her bad attitude. She’s 12 now and has slowed down, but you can’t trust her. God why did you take my sissy and why didn’t I do something before and listen to my instincts when I saw her tummy getting big. I’ve had my own health problems and no support. Why did I get so depressed when she was so sick and trying to get me out of bed. I’ve never experienced so much guilt. Don’t know how much more I can take. My life had never been that great until my Sissy and I managed to screw that up too. The vet said she had chronic leukemia but it wasn’t that bad and it could be years so we watched and waited. The vet said if her numbers go up then we just put her on meds and she would be find. That isn’t what happened. My Sissy acted like her old self, but her tummy looked big and instead of getting xrays I put it off because she couldn’t get in the truck anymore and I didn’t have the energy or strength to get her down there and the vet didn’t seem like it was a big deal and I lost my little bear to hs and couldn’t bare it happening again. So many things I think I just shut down when I should have been getting her help. One day she was fine the next she didn’t drink, the next she didn’t eat and the next she couldn’t keep water down it foamed out of her mouth. That’s when my neighbor who she gave a kiss on his knee like saying goodbye picked her up and put her in my SUV. She so wanted to go for a little walk, but I said no and thought we would get her medicine and come right home. Never assume. I also decided to take her on her favorite drive before the vETs and boy did she pop up and was happy with the wind in her hair, but when I thought we were going to be late I cut it short and she was so disappointed. I got to the vets and they made me wait after taking sissy back for over an hour that never had happened. The vet finally told me there was no hope, and boy was I angry they made me wait so long and my poor sissy had been laying on the floor in the back without a blanket or her mommy. I insisted beforehand they gave her pain meds but they said it wouldn’t help but I could take her to emergcy for an ultra sound. I had seen this vet for 10 years all of Sissy’s life and spent lots of money on both dogs. All I could think of was to get her to emergency. I got her there they did the ultra sound and said she probably had hs the same as littlebear and blood was in her tummy and she probably wouldn’t have survived surgery. Little bear had his spleen removed and they said he would live 3 months to 2 years, but he was gone in days.  I just couldn’t make up my mind, but even though the vet seemed nice I still felt like I was pushed into letting her go without a fighting chance. It would have cost me at least 5000. Looking back I wish I would have given her the chance. It makes me sick to think I listened to others and didn’t give her that chance. We don’t do that to humans why do we do that to our most beloved. I was such a coward I didn’t even stay. She walked in the room and that should have given me enough thought that if she could walk, she may have survived the blood transfusion and surgery. I read so much and found so many pups had survived with surgery and meds and herbs. I feel like I killed her. I just didn’t want her to be in pain and when I saw her she almost seemed to not know me, but that was probably the drugs. God I miss her!!!  She also seemed to be telling me not to do it, but i wasnt listening . I am so angry with all the vets involved and people especially the vet I used for years allowing my sissa to lay back there for over an hour on the cold floor without meds for pain without her mommie and she had the Audacity to charge me for the xray which I refuse to pay.  Life is just pointless without my Sissy. I’m just hanging around for my mom and other dog. What if there is no afterlife. And the only chance I had I took it away from her. God I don’t deserve to live. When I lost my other pups I thought it was the worst, but nothing can compare to this. Then again was I supposed to go through this to make me stronger, but then again why would Sissy have to pay the price. I can barely breathe. Life is pain and just a nightmare and I want out. I want my Sis and happiness. If I only knew she finally had the friends she so craved and I knew she was happy. If we knew each other before why did we come to such an awful place only to loose each other again. It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense. Why does such a mean animal stay and a pure love one go. Is it really survival of the fittest. Such a horrible and waste to believe this. Why do mediums say they see and feel are love ones, but we can’t. So many why’s?