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Eliana

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Viewing 15 posts - 91 through 105 (of 748 total)
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  • in reply to: So Confused #192119
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Viviana,

    It is very difficult to make a relationship work when meeting someone on line. I have tried this method several times, and it is always very complicated. There were many red flags in the beginning. First, I would never get into any type of romantic relationship with a man who lies. That is a big no-no. Once lying starts without therapy, it is hard to stop compulsive lying. The second red flag, his ex was still heavily involved in his life complicating things further, creating more lies and deception from him. The Third and biggest red flag is that he stated several times, he is not ready for a relationship. This does not look promising. You deserve better. A healthy, emotionally available, loving, honest and supportive man. Lose this loser. You are better than this. x

    in reply to: anxiety, health and being hurt #190197
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Joanna,

    I have been reading your posts, and I hope you don’t mind if I jump in for a moment. Then I will leave you alone. I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder as well as Major Depressive Disorder, Panic Disorder and severe anxiety disorder. I too used to self-harm. I also, for several years had such terrible, debilitating panic attacks, I would wake up every morning on the dot at either 2am or 4am sweating and thinking my heart would pound out of my chest. Or I would be driving too work, and start to hyperventilate, get neauseas and turn around and have to go home. I lost many, many jobs.

    This is a disorder that can’t be willed away. No amount of meditation will help, it can’t be “snapped out of”. I had to have five to 10 years of DBT therapy, CBT therapy and Schema therapy. Sometimes this therapy would be done inpatient because of trips to ER for self-harm. It does not go away. I was out on Topamax for emotion regulation, Klonopin 2mg in morning, 2mg at Bedtime for Panic and anxiety disorder, Wellbutrin 300 for motivation just to get out of bed. Remeron 45mg when I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation in 2005, which I still take, it brought me out of the deepest, darkest depression I ever had. I also take Busphar, for racing and intrusive thoughts. I was in intensive Psychotherapy. They will put you on the right medication that will work for you and put you on a treatment plan that will work for you. For people that self harm, DBT therapy and Schema therapy is often used with medication..you will feel better, not “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, religion, meditation, you tube videos and so on, but real professional help and medication. I have been there and still attend therapy sessions and 12 step support programs. 1 out of 5 people have mental illness. Some never ask for help. It is not who you are, it is part of you. It is curable, but only with a treatment program, with a qualified trained therapist. You will get better. It is not a character weakness to be on medication and therapy. You will feel so much better. Have a great weekend. x

    in reply to: Feeling Homeless #190177
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Annmarie,

    They have all this there, museums, art, theater, beautiful restaurants, top 10 beaches in the country, everything. Not too mention, some of the best looking men anywhere..lol..

    in reply to: Too Anxious to Date? #190083
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Jess,

    I too have severe anxiety and panic disorder. I am on Benzodiazepine now and Busphar, which has helped alot with social anxiety. I had my Dad tell me something wise when I told him I was anxious. He said, why not do it being anyway through the fear and anxiety, it will never hurt you. And he was right. Just do it anyway. Date. Try calling the person instead of texting. I find texting impersonal as a means of communication. It’s too distant, and words on a screen can be taken the wrong way, especially when you don’t really know that person. Besides, you want to date this person right? Not a pen-pal? Ask for their number. Get to know them..do it even with anxiety and fear. They may too, be fearful and anxious. You may even tell them, you are a little nervous, they may say “you know what? I am nervous too!”. ☺

    in reply to: Feeling Homeless #190079
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Annmarie,

    I used to live in Washington DC, and had a hard time there. It was hard to make friends. Unless you are in Congress, a politician, or someone who actually works in politics, you are pretty much ignored. The first question I was always asked was “so what kind of work do you do”? When I would go to a cafe on the River, it was very crowded, nobody really talks to you, and they are aloof and distant if you try to talk to them. Everthing is centered around politics. No one wants to talk about anything else. I did not stay there for long. But that was my experience. Yours might be different.

    People are very, very friendly, open and warm in Florida. Many are transplants and want to meet people. I would walk on the beach and people would come up and talk to me, or I would be in the Jacuzzi, and people would ask me to play tennis with them. I lived in Sarasota, then the St. Petersburg/Clearwater area. There is always a nice breeze that cuts down on the heat and humidity that comes from the ocean. It’s gorgeous there. By the water, and very easy to meet nice people. Just some suggestions. I wish you the best of luck on whatever you decide. x

    in reply to: Really need some advice! #190065
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi J,

    I’m very sorry this happened. I have always believed in the quote “if a man really wants to be with you, he will be with you, no excuses, period.” I would not count on him coming back. I agree with the post above. It was very immature and disrespectful of your feelings to break-up with you in such an innapropriate manner. Let’s say you do get back together? Could you honestly trust him? Would you be constantly be fearful that one day, because he doesn’t know what he wants, you will receive the same “break-up” message”. Don’t you feel you deserve better?

    Never make someone “your life” because then you are putting your happiness in control of someone else, and no one wants that responsibility. Men can sense neediness and clingyness, and they will distance themselves. They don’t want to be someone’s life. They want their significant other to have their own dreams, friends, hobbies, passions, goals, they don’t want a fearful girlfriend, because if you have fear, you can’t have dreams. So, what you can do, is learn to enjoy your own company, and love yourself. Only then, when men are you independent, such as single and happy with your life and hobbies, you will find yourself attracting the right man..a secure man. Like attracts like. What you are, will attract the same in a man. If you are fearful, anxious, need a man to make you happy, worry, co-dependent, don’t have hobbies, goals, dreams and aspirations, you will attract the same in a man..a man, who is also not secure, one who is fearful, depenndent, anxious, disrespectful, distant, etc. My best advice, become happy being single, get involved with volunteer work, work at a soup kitchen, animal shelter, go to a nursing home and talk to people who are lonely and have no one. Find hobbies, join a bookclub, go out with friends, join a social club, be happy without a man. As soon as that happens, you will attract the healthy, emotionally available, loving man you deserve. x

    in reply to: I am weird and don't fit in world around me #190053
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Jacob,

    I think many people feel alot of hopelessness, sadness and depression during the shorter months (is it winter there?) I am in the United States, I live in a cold state. We barely see the sun, it doesn’t start getting light out (dawn) until 7:45 am. It’s dark by 6pm. Although the days are getting a little longer, it’s still very frigid (going to get below 0 tonight).

    Many people struggle with the shorter days with cloudy gloomy days, hardly any sun. This is called SAD or (Seasonal Affective Disorder) it is a real mental illness. You can Google it to find out more about it. This may be what you are going through. 1 out of 7 people struggle with this, leaving them suicidal ideation, depressed, unmotivated, and everything you described. There is hope, there is help. First you can go to a mental health clinic and get screened for depression and seasonal affective disorder. There are many medications that help with this. Don’t eorry, they won’t turn you into a “zombie” or “numb” you. I take Wellbutrin, as I too struggle with this, and I have got my life back, motivation, etc.

    There are also supplements you can take such as Vitamin D3, (I take 1000IU), and Fish oil capsules (Omega 3), that have been proven to help people with sadness during the shorter months with little sunlight. Many people in Norway and Alaska where a research was done report feeling a sense of well being after taking Vitamin D, and Fish or Cod Liver Oil. (I take 1 teaspoon Carlson’s Cod Liver oil, lemon flavored before dinner) and it helps greatly.

    As far as your job, it sounds like you may need to pursue something you find purpose in. It’s not much fun to spend all day at a job that is not fulfilling. There is a good book called “What Color is Your Parachute” which asks questions and matches your personality to a job tailored to that. It is a best-selling book, updated ever year. It has been around for a long time. I hope others will post with any suggestions or advice. I hope you feel better soon, please keep posting.

    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Isaac,

    If you are motivating and helping people..then, isn’t this success?

    in reply to: Arranged marriage #189537
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Divani Girl,

    I don’t have much too add, as you have received some great advice. I do hope you are feeling somewhat better. The only healer, I know of is time. Allow yourself time to grieve. The time is different for everyone. Be patient with the process. You will have good days and bad days. In the meantime, there is a book that always have me comfort. It is a best selling book, always updated. Has been around since the 1980’s. It’s called “How To Fall Out of Love” by Dr. Deborah Phillips. It will bring you comfort. I hope you will give it a try. You can buy it online. I hope you continue to feel better, one day at a time. x

    in reply to: Sad, rejected and lonely on my birthday #189533
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Avi,

    I have decided, that I have been abused and mistreated in my childhood to the extent that I do not want to continue to put myself in that situation to keep being treated like that. I talked to another moderator from another group on Thursday afternoons I will be joining. He said he has heard numerous complaints about her, and that is why that group has no moderator. No one wants to deal with her. She has done this with all the “newcomers” and scared them away. And that is why that type of group is chaos and not a safe place for Adult Children of Alcoholics. We need a safe place to go, where there is no abuse or turmoil. I don’t want to deal with drama. I have blocked her number and will not attend the Sunday morning groups anymore. Hurt people, hurt people, and I don’t want the abuse right now. It is not good for my healing. I have no sympathy for her. The moderator said several people have tried to help her, she will come on very nice and charming, and turn on you in a second.

    Thanks again for your reply. I hope you had a good weekend. ☺

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Eliana.
    in reply to: Sad, rejected and lonely on my birthday #189531
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Karen,

    Thank you for reading my post and replying. Yes, I have tried. That is a great suggestion. Unfortunately, at this time, I don’t have transportation, and have to rely on a case manager to go anywhere. She only gets 45 minutes to spend with me. I try, but can’t look at all the ingredients. She will say “we only have 10 more minutes until my next client” making it nearly impossible to go Gluten free, although I do realize not good for me.

    At this time, my health in continuing to deteriorate. I have decided to stop fretting and dwelling. I have turned it over to God. If he wants me to go to a better place, I have accepted that, but I’m not going to worry any more. I think I’m just tired of getting nowhere. Its In his hands now. There really is no easy fix when it comes to intestinal and digestive disorders. Thanks again for replying. x ☺

    in reply to: In Love with People who just broke up #189483
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Romeo,

    Sorry for my late response. The book that I found was helpful is called “co-dependent no more” by Melody Beattie. And, “Healing the Inner Child”..hope this helps..

    in reply to: Tired and Confused #189479
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Ash,

    I always think everyone deserves a second chance, but in this case, I do not think you will find the stability you are looking for with him.

    in reply to: should I let him go? #189471
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Mae,

    I would let him go. It seems you have sent him too many mixed signals and he is agitated and confused. He said he liked you..hoping you would say you liked him back..and he probably wanted to ask you on a date before he left town. Then your intention it seems was to sleep with him. Then when he said you were pretty, instead of just saying “thank you..maybe we can chat later (since there was a customer)..you ignored his compliment hurting his feelings.

    Now he is probably feeling very frustrated thinking all hope is lost when he gets a very confusing text out of the blue, when you ignored him before. Not considering his feelings. Of course, he is going to be rude. If I were the man, I would not be happy either. I think your text should have been “I’m sorry, about my awkwardness at work, I really am attracted to you, is there any way we can talk on the phone? If you like this man, and respect him..why would you just want to sleep with him. Just take this as a learning experience, and try to improve communication skills. I’m sorry things didn’t work out. x

    in reply to: Do I contact him? #189457
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Mary Ellen,

    I too am on Match. I met my first match and love on there when it began in 1995. Back then it was only $7.95 to join. No pictures were really required back then. So, ours was a blind date. His first line in response to my profile was “want to go biking”? I almost didn’t respond because it wasn’t a “real introductory letter” but I did. This was before texting came around, cell phones, etc. So, I just came straight out and said I was not very good at writing back and forth, too impersonal and would be mind talking on phone. He said no, and top my surprise, he gave me his phone number.

    I called him the night after and we talked for three hours, and he asked me out for dinner. I loved his voice and personality and had butterflies during our conversation. We met, not knowing what each other looked like and it was instant chemistry. We did get engaged a year later, but sadly, things did not work out. This is why I don’t believe in texting or e-mailing..too impersonal. When men insist on “texting” my phrase which has always worked is “any way, we can get past being pen pals”. Men don’t like to be thought of as “pen pals” so try to get his number, and why not just call him? Texting is too impersonal, too short, too distant, no way to get to know someone. Ask for his number. What do you have to lose? If he does not want to give it out, he is not interested in anymore than just a hook-up. I hope it all works out. E Harmony is also a good dating site. x

Viewing 15 posts - 91 through 105 (of 748 total)