Hi Juzzzmeee,

Things don’t look promising. There is no indication of any definate plans in the future with you. Just an “if we get back together”, yet he will drop everything for this woman and her child. I am wondering, why all of a sudden they are so cozy? I think it was also very disrespectful of him to talk to her so long on the phone while he was supposed to be with you. Is this also something he will be doing on a regular basis, say you do get back together, and if so, how would you feel about that? I know if it were me, I would not want to be a third wheel or second best. He is showing rudeness and innapropriate behavior to you and catering to her. I would be pretty angry. I think you can do better. An emotionally available man, who just wants to live and be there for you. In the long run, I don’t think you would be happy with him. x

Yes, most definitely. You will heal..you will get over this. Time is the greatest healer. No, I don’t think he is feeling cocky and proud. He probably has alot of worries like we all do. He is not sitting around all day and thinking “ha! I showed her! I’m so great! He has bills to pay, work, and other worries, so don’t worry that he is thinking that about you. You will only make yourself miserable. Think instead of him sitting alone, single, and sad..maybe he is..No one knows what anyone is thinking, but I doubt he is feeling cocky in any sort of way. Just try to replace any negative thoughts with the beautiful memories you shared with him. Not many people get to experience that, fall in love, feel butterflies, etc.

I know it took me a very long time to get over past loves. In the meantime, the book called “How to get over the loss of a love brought me comfort and help”. Just be patient with yourself and the healing process. One day at a time. Then all of a sudden, one day you will wake up, not thinking anymore. It is easy when we just lose someone to be in despair, and think “how will we get over them, and when? But it will happen. Some days, you will take one step forward and two steps back. The next day you may not think about him. The next day you will think of calling him or texting him. But realize these are fleeting thoughts and they will pass. Each day does get better. There is no deadline. Be gentle on yourself, nurture your inner child. Take a nice hot bubble bath, listen to some soothing music, maybe smooth jazz, or uplifting dance music. Go to a comedy club and laugh. Just try to keep busy and gave fun being single, that is the best revenge. x

You’re welcome Louise, please post anytime. x

Typo above “good pantry” should read “food pantry”

Hi Louise,

I too am childless. It used to bother me alot when I was in my twenties and thirties. But then I thought, I had inherited severe past abuse and trauma from an Alcoholic Mother, and I also have several diagnosis of mental illness (that I am on medication for) and in intensive therapy. It hurt though..seeing everyone having children at my age. It was hard to go to the office and women were taking about their toddlers first words or steps and all I had to talk about was a beach party I went to with friends, or a night out dancing or comedy club. My single life, didn’t seem so exciting after all. But then I came to realise I don’t want a child to have a mother with mental Illness and Alcololism that runs in my family and dysfunctional environment that were my early years. Even though I had a drink maybe once a month, I still had that history of trauma..the mental illness, basically I took on some of my Dads good traits, and inherited some of my mother’s bad traits..what kind of mother would I be. What if I became a single mother, did I have the emotional maturity to cope? The financial security? No, I didn’t. I am 56 now, and it is much less painful now. I am glad I made that decision.

Hi Mathilde-S,

Sometimes, when we start to fall in love, and attracted to someone, we of course get giddy and we become addicted to the excitement that person brings into our life. However, sometimes, we (without knowing it) lose ourself in the process and make that person “out life” “the center of our universe”. Our lives were maybe mundane and a little dull before we met that person, and suddenly everything changes, we are taken to great places, exciting events, cuddling, missing and it gives us a natural high. Our brains get used to that, and when it is suddenly taken away, we fall into despair, depression, grief and anxiety. Everything has now become boring, like you stated, your friends seem boring.

The trick is not to make this person your life and to depend on them for entertainment and your happiness. No One can provide this for you, but you. You have to be happy with yourself and being single before a man will be happy with you, otherwise they will start to feel resentment and drained and think of you as to dependent on them and clingy, as they cannot be “your life” or your entertainment.

The next time you meet a man, make sure you have hobbies, passions and have created your own excitement. Men find this attractive. They don’t like neediness. Its too emotionally demanding and taxing to them, and this is probably what happened with this man. At first things were great, romantic, sweet, simple, but then you tell in love and became dependent on him as your source of happiness and well-being, and he saw that and ran. I too have had this happen to me, and have had to work on this myself. In other words, I make sure to have hobbies, go out with friends, not nitpick the man about his going out, or coming home late, not depending on him for excitement and my happiness. x

Hi Louise,

I’m facing a similar situation as you. I too have had chronic health problems, one that I have upcoming surgery for on Tuesday. This has put me on Social Security Disability. I lost my Dad when I filed for it, we were very close, he was my only family, who did not turn on me. But he passed in 2008. He helped me out financially. I always tried to pay him back, but he was a Harvard Graduate, very wealthy and successful. Sadly, I did not receive the trust fund he said he set up for me. I was told by his two sons (who never talked to me).. That it was not funded. I find this hard to believe. My father has never lied to me. I had no money, as I was at the time filing for SSDI, I could not even go hold his hand at the hospital in Florida. I did not get a chance to tell him I loved him. I was not invited to his funeral, my family knew I had no money and they abandoned me. I was not invited to the reading of his Will.

The friends I thought were my true friends, stopped calling me after I lost my car and had to move in to housing. I was doing volunteer work for awhile rescuing animals, but the health problems got so bad, I could no longer do that. The friends I made there no longer call me or visit me. I have lost a lot of weight, and people here at housing avoid me or say derogatory things to my face about my weight. The only thing I am able to do now is have weekly phone sessions with my therapist. I know what it is like to feel talked about, betrayed, abandoned, alone, no friends or family. But what I tell myself is “this too shall pass! Satan! Go away! Jesus loves me! I will not let you steal my joy! And somehow, it works. Everything happens for a reason, and that man and the other friend, their comments have nothing to do with you, but coming from sounds from inside them. They are not happy. Hurt people, hurt people. Don’t let these people steal your joy. They are hurting. Next time, if you ever see them, say “instead of feeling sorry for me, feel sorry for yourself instead” and just move right along.

I believe in Karma. One day these very same people will lose their family, maybe their jobs and friends and health, and they too will have no One. God will take care of them to make sure Karma happens. One day, no One will be there for them and they will realise and regret what they said about you. Because if they are saying this about you, chances are, they are spreading gossip about other people as well. Feel sympathy for them, that they have no heart and be so shallow. Look for support groups you can join, with people with similar interests. There are good people out there. Don’t let a few bad eggs spoil the bunch. x

You’re welcome Malaya, maybe others will post with any feedback. Please post anytime. x